October 8th, 2009

Depth of perception.  How good is your vision?  A lot of what is done here is Metaphorical, the same way things have been taught for thousands of years.  Is this an effective form of teaching though, or is there really just something wrong with the student?

Do you see in color or in black and white?  Do you read between the lines?  Do you look to the horizon or is your head in the sand?  Are your eyes even open?  Are you wearing rose colored glasses?

The sad thing is when I meet most people I see the crippled blind beggar with a little tin cup.  And their cup, it has a whole in the bottom.  With a shower and some glasses the person could rebuild a foundation of growth and understanding.  A little less "of the good stuff" and they would realize they aren't even crippled at all, and they could climb the highest mountains and look out over everything and see it all.

Water on the moon is meaningless to me.  Being able to open your eyes and see the world for what it truly is, that is important.  The primate tries to empower itself through deluded conceptual ideals as "human beings".  Values and morals based on thousands of years of ignorance and corruption.  Everything you believe is based on corruption and ignorance, and until this idea becomes mainstream we will never truly evolve.

Gnostic beliefs discuss the idea that perhaps we aren't all equal.  Perhaps those without the vision to care about the truth are seeds of the darkness.  Or of the light.  I always am careful to not fall in the good vs. evil trap.  I am one of the rarest people you will meet.  I believe the Great Adversary might just be the true voice of reason.  Perhaps the "Old Man" is crazy and his children were right to say Fuck You.

People often question the will of God.  Maybe God's a Drunk.  The Dad who as much as he wanted to make everything perfect just couldn't do it.  Dad created us and failed.  That is no reason for us to fail.

I'd like to see huge sweeping changes in every aspect of our society.  Maybe the China and India can become the new leaders of the world, freed from the lies of Europe and the America's.  I doubt it but maybe.

Me, I'm more of a New Age type of person.  God created us, and as such we are the new gods.  The creators and the visionaries.  All you really are when it comes down to it is a battery with a parasitic host.  Reincarnation would dictate the battery is essential to the parasite.  I believe the parasite is far stronger then that.  It is only on this harsh dimension that we need this power source derived from the essence of an evolved primate.  I could be wrong, but so what.  When it comes down to it the parasite is all we have to cling to, the idea of a timeless magical soul.  Everything else is dust and bones.

All that matters is what you believe.  Believe the Truth. 

 

I was watching the Daily show today and they had a story about the Recession's effect on Rap music.  I was thinking to myself where Rap really can go to do something new.  Now obviously I was simply ignorant about what Rap music could be all about.  I found myself listening to Canibus and Paris on Youtube, both rapping about the corruption and deceit of the American government.  It actually is a great fix, cause it isn't the police that keeps people controlled it is a corrupt media controlled by the power Elite.  Paris's site in particular is a nice mix of what I try to do here, using the rap as a great delivery tool.  The site has its own Manifesto and a great reading list of books connected to ideas expressed here.  I would encourage you to spend some time and check it out.  If you don't like rap just leave you speakers off or turn down the volume.  Just make sure you have your shades off, cause it takes some vision to see the truth.

 

October 7th, 2009

If you have never been here before, then please let me know what this is all about.  It is my understanding that everything you know might be wrong.  People seem to be filled with not the Faith with which they so reverently claim to worship, but with ignorance.  Social conformity is the disease of our cultural legacy.

Now I know I am in the minority here, but I think this "place" is completely wrong.  I rarely see people as "human beings" but advanced primates.  The term "human being" actually amuses me.  It is a social understanding of what we pretend to be rather then a scientific or spiritual understanding.  Maybe that is the problem, everything here is social theater rather then expansion of the species.  Maybe this is a failing of God.

I always amaze people, because if you don't believe in their "biblical text" and the social convention behind it then they don't think you believe in God.  I love the old testament stories cause God is always a little crazy and heavy handed and the Angels need to "soften" his urges of destruction.  Why a divine being would need to be worshipped so completely if he was truly divine is always an interesting discussion?  Thankfully Mithras came along and fixed that.  And then poor Jesus got stuck replacing Mithras, since he was all the rage when Constantine began to fortify the legacy of Rome, in a new Caesar.  The legacy of a man who taught a vision of wisdom, care and understanding became the poster child for deceit and corruption.  And the fact that the Catholic church is so ideologically link with pedophilia through its lack of self policing and twisted historical understandings.  If you ever fell you are a failure, think of poor Jesus.

 

The United States of America will be launching a probe into the moon to stir up debris which scientists will study from a far to see if there is water on the moon.  Seriously.  The 6 fucking trips they took collecting moon rocks clearly showed there was no water on the moon.  Mr. Apollo, Buzz Aldrin said it was pointless focusing on the moon and that Mars is the new "It" in space exploration.  3mm of Aluminum on a Tin can traveling a 100 times deeper into the space then the space shuttles has already solved this mystery, 6 times over.

I've been reading a lot of educational material about the moon missions and it is astounding how many of the things they have been teaching are now being proven completely wrong.  The only thing they claimed to get in terms of scientific evidence were the freaking moon rocks.  When the video tapes of the moon landing were mistakenly "taped over", they said it didn't matter cause they had all this proof in terms of moon rocks.  Now that China and India are making fresh scientific breakthroughs, the United States is interested in the mystery they already solved.

Yet when you tell people Richard Nixon is the Greatest President ever, cause the only time we have been to the moon he was President of the Glorious United States of America, they look at you weird.  Seriously the program was in turmoil before he stepped in, then everything changed.  Martin Luther King was gone, and the Kennedy family vanquished by unruly anti-social miscreants and odd circumstance.  Everything changed.  He turned the Kennedy dream into a seeming reality.  The turbulent 60's became the dark 70's, filled with everything the protests of the past decade stood against.  Except no one was protesting anymore, at least not the mainstream.  Nixon went down, lost to his own arrogance as much as any other failing.  How can the man be both the Greatest President in terms of achievement and one of the worst in terms of morality.

In terms of morality, arrogance and failure, George Bush probably stands as a legend with his infamous aircraft carrier landing and mission accomplished banner.  Being life long friends with the Bin Laden family probably doesn't help.  Where in the world is Osama bin Laden?  Back home with his Brothers and sisters?  I'm sure he is not, that's old Uncle Fred, they just look alike you know.

Times changed.  It is as simple as that.  Television, drugs, culture.  Everything was different.  Things change.  Only an Occultist would question why things changed.  Changed in unnatural ways.  My point is this, if you can't believe what happened 40 years ago, how can you believe anything is actually as it is?

 

 

September 24th, 2009

Now the fact that I question the morality of North America more then Khadafi or Ahmadinejad is hard for many people to take.  The question remains though, if the "Terrorist" security council members stopped selling weapons to the Third World, what weapons would the third World have to be Terrorists?

O.K. stop for a minute and take a deep breath.  Breath.  Let me ask you, if the 5 permanent Security Council members of the United Nations hadn't Profited for years selling weapons to the third world, what exactly would they be using to harm one another and terrorize the world?

O.K. once again, deep breath.  Breath.  How about if the United States government would have acted on all the specific warnings of Saudi nationals learning to fly in the United States, without having specific interest in learning to land?  What would have been the direct result of that?

Now hey, I understand why we are in Afghanistan fighting against a sophisticated Muslim killing force bent on dominating the world.  Wait a minute.  Sophisticated killing force attempting to dominate the world?  Wait... wait.  Something seems to be coming to me.  Oil pipelines, Opium production, and supplying the Sophisticated killing force attempting to dominate the world.  That's a lot of cash opportunities and powerful tools to help control the world.

Here lets ask this question, as the horrorific Opium addiction problem washes over Afghanistan and into Iran who will profit the most?  Some will hypothesize this is a new form of warfare, and directly connected to the "Liberators" of the west.

Here is my most important question?  How incompetent do you think the "Liberators" from the West are?  It is an un-winnable War, in an inhospitable spot, against a Third World "enemy".  Wouldn't everything post 9/11 have been achieved if we just prevented anyone for traveling freely from "terrorist hot spots" to the "free world"?  Once again, take a deep breath and ask yourself this question?  Why is Grandma traveling from Toledo to New Jersey, caring a bottle of shampoo, a possible threat?  I think maybe making it a bitch to come to North America if you are from a "Terrorist" land might have prevent us from going over there are killing them in the name of Democracy and freedom.  I think it is probably unfair, but no worse then attacking two foreign, primarily Muslim countries and occupying them and propping up governments more friendly to western interests.

I'm sure I am crazy though.  Its always a better idea to send our brave warriors of liberty off to liberate the Third World.

 

Here is another interesting development, they think there is water on the moon.  I love this one.  So they recorded over the moon landing tapes and now they think the scientific facts they discover during Apollo are wrong.  World's Greatest Marketing Campaign.

The new findings suggest that early assumptions about moon rocks brought home to Earth by the Apollo astronauts were wrong.

Opps!  This has been discovered by the Indian space program.  Maybe Buzz Aldrin can get India to fly him to the moon before he has us set off to Mars.  "Do you serve drinks on this flight?"

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31491377

God bless America!

 

September 5th, 2009

I wonder how many Kabbalists understand the meaning of Malkuth?  I'm sure the hardcore Orthodox Jews understand the meanings that lay within an idea, but the new aged practitioners of enlightenment.  Perhaps this is another Paradox.

There is a pattern at work.  This is as it as for a reason.  People believe in mankind's divinity when truly all we bask in is the dance of the higher primate.  Ideas, values, theology.  That is not what the masses crave and cling to.  Things, family, status.  These are what you live for.  These are the landmarks with which society judges you by.  Why?  People take their very being as justified.  They do not question, they do not rage, they do understand.  I find this very interesting.

What is the glue of the universe?  What keeps the particles of energy clinging to each other.  Even describing energy as particles is incorrect.  We are energy.  People would tend to believe, only when pressed, that they are flesh and soul.  Even this idea is wrong.  We are Energy and consciousness, and is consciousness truly anything other then another form of Energy?  We are thinking energy.

I often dislike people simply because of this lack of consistency.  There is little rational to human involvement.  I will also add that it has always seemed quite odd to me.  I don't understand why people don't sit around in groups and discuss more of the truly deep aspects of life, of living.  People question my happily presented idea that our society is actually a disease.  I notice people are far more comfortable with happily accepting that all the failings and corruption is just how things are.  I listen to people complain, and gossip and argue, filled with an ignorance that is the norm.  Yet when you smile and explain to those same people that perhaps our entire society has been corrupted they are shocked.  You ask them to examine things and discuss facts and they simply get angry, yet they need you to join their club of ignorant disassociation.  It is the way.

I love Divinity.  The pure love within our planet.  Our ecosystem.  Us.  And yet people disassociate themselves from what we are.  It is, as it is.

Most people don't respect the idea of Ares as a positive source of inspiration either though.

As be it.  Accept what is true and all else is nothing.

 

August 12th, 2009

Here is an great website that explains the fundamentals of my understandings that are presented here.

 

They have an intro video that will explain to you why everything is wrong here.  It is very, very long though, but very informative.  It will teach you all the things that school tries to hide from you.  Me I'm more of a timeline guy.  If you notice a pattern of events that lead to or from a major event, what do you gather from that.  Do you think they happen independently as most people do, or is the pattern important?  When you take the understandings presented by the Zeitgeist Movement, hopefully you will more clearly understand the importance of questioning why?

Now I sadly meet so few people with the clarity of mind to accept that these things are important.  I think it will be near impossible for this organization to reach its goals.  I don't think it matters because it is all about you.  If you have the courage and willingness to liberate your conscious being You have achieved more then most people could even dare.

 

July 8th, 2009

I laugh a lot. I have a hard time taking this place seriously.  I am countlessly astounded by the things people believe.  We live in a society where the guy who tells you that you're an evolved mammal who lives based on the limited resources of mother Gaia, is the crazy guy.  People realize every Micro is corrupt yet delude themselves to the purity of the Macro.  This is a very interested plane of existence.

Ignorance, corruption, deceit.  So much of our lives are these things.  I was honest today.  It doesn't win you all the things our society praises.  When I speak to people about the Truth, they become emotionally charged.  They experience a reaction but can't fully participate in ideas outside of social norms, just as I can't be accepting of social norms.  When your entire Society is corrupt, maybe the first thing you should try to fix are the social norms.

Some people try to justify how everything is fine.  They resort to what they know.  I keep getting people use the, "if they told you to jump off a bridge" analogy with the current placidity in our society.   I see an attempt to understand the failings of the weakness that has enveloped the ignorant.  So many people have sold their souls for shiny coins.  It has become the way though, programmed into the slaves of Capitalism.

June 24th, 2009

All you can do is follow the path that you feel is right, in a world of so much wrong.  I try to never go off half-cocked.  I will say that I am far more likely to believe stories about corruption and deceit in my own inner effort to be able to balance the disparities of existence.  Something is very wrong here.

June 23rd, 2009

I'm always trying to see the path that leads to the truth.  Most of this world is deceit.  Television changed everything.  People are consumed by things.  Ideals are lost as people Twitter and celebrate their new Gods.  The worship of the empty.  God is Dead.

O.K. I have never been a fan of that God is dead thing.  Things are as they are.  We have been in much worse situations then we are today.  For 1700 years people were enslaved through a false religion.  They had no choice.  Crusades were launched, temples destroyed, people imprisoned.  This is Christianity.  Today the world is open with Science and History and the information is readily available for those willing to look for it.  People have always been able to accept things or question them, and today we have the knowledge to find the truth.

The first thing I would ask everyone reading this to do is to question your relationship with things.  I have always said I can't show you what is right but I can prove what is wrong.  Things are nice, but how much do you associate yourself with them?  This is one of the many things that people bother me with.  They don't appreciate what things are and what they aren't.  Sadly I believe this will become far more evident in the future as our world shifts through time.  North America is on an obvious decline, lost to hubris.  Economists explain how this is all wrong but the Business world is powered by Lawyers and MBA's.  Sales men and manipulators live in comfort and style while they sell tomorrow for today.  They fund the growth of the Asian sphere while ripping away the economic heart and soul from America.

Meanwhile the Government has decided to try a system of socialism, but doesn't want to be labeled as socialism.  This is another form of North American deceit of itself.  It is probably a really bad idea to act in a certain way and tell everyone that isn't what you are doing.  Being realistic and honest has become so difficult today.  Our culture has made available the consciousness of truth, while our society digs itself deep into the dung of deception.

It is funny though, and it shouldn't really bother any truth seekers out there.  This is Malkuth.  We have the will as individuals to overcome this and prepare ourselves for Ascension.  I will continue to attempt to liberate myself from the pathetic gestures this world engages in.  The movement is strong.

 

June 10th, 2009

Well that seemed to work.

Why is the United States so alarmed that their citizens were arrested and sentenced in North Korea?  How many people are being held without representation or trial by the United States government in Gitmo?  Why is this not an obvious reflection of the dark corruption that exists within the United States.  Both countries are actively engaged in violating the rights of human beings for political purposes.  Both actions are equally nefarious.  Both are wrong.

Wrong.  This is the one word to me that seems to encompass everything about our way of life.  I do not like to be filled with overwhelming delusional paranoia.  Today I won't label things as good or evil.  Simply put though, everything here is wrong.  When I  express this to people they get confused more often then not.  I try to show them step by step how things are not as they seem.  There seems to be a deeply programmed internalization that prevents people from taking the Micro elements to the Macro.  I find this as difficult and confusing as they do the basic understandings I try to get them to acknowledge.  I also meet lots of people who lack even the simplest ability to question their existance.

Where lies the truth?  Most people can't even focus on this as a question let alone attempt to unravel it.  Many people will tell you we can't grasp the meaning of life.  Why not?  I do lack a certain compliance with the structure of our existence.  I understand that "being human" isn't anything except a program that you are given from birth.  You are a combination of hardware and software.  You exist as a material being and yet you are completely made up of only Energy and Consciousness, just as is the entire Universe.  Energy and consciousness, at least according to the latest understandings of Quantum Physics.  The scientists may in fact be wrong, and they may also serve powers that seek to control us.  The research in this field offers little to en-trance the majority of the population.  Still this adds to the questioning of the Truth.

I have a willingness to question things.  That is who I am.  I have a very hard time with people and who they are.  The question I ask is what can I do to grow stronger.  I saw a program about Shaolin monks and the selection of members to take part in touring groups.  They seemed like American Idol candidates more then "monks".  I bring this up as I contemplate the path before me.  What is it that truly matters?  what is the path to Enlightenment.  Obviously even monks are now victims of whatever it is that has changed everything.

 

June 9th, 2009

I am testing my move of this website to a different computer.  I have also installed speech to text software to help me update the site quicker.  Because I run so many other applications on my old computer I find it difficult allocating enough resources to this project, but hopefully this will help.

 

May 24th, 2009

You don't set up a website like this one without expectations.  As I so often am in life, I am surprised by the reactions to my site.  To me things are obvious.  I had the nicest experience the other day.  I can not share it here, as I can't with so many other things.  I thought things would be different.  I expected people to care and more often then not they did not.  I have found this very odd.  It makes me think though, what is the truth.

Many avenues of the New Age movement value an understanding that all life is interconnected.  Love is the greatest force in the Universe.  I have not been able to tap into this expression of life, even though many people claim too.  No I belong to the much smaller portion of people who question whether all people are of the same design.  The machine part, the body, the mammal seems to be similar between all of us.  My question is whether the parasitic non-material segments are of different origin, or at least have unique archetypes.  Is there more then social conditioning to blame for the lack of purity in our society.  Christians have their own system of dealing with this question.  Atheists seem to simply not want to believe anything.  Christians at least make way more sense to me then Atheists do.  I watch Bill Mar a lot and his Atheist beliefs seem so bizarre.  He does what most people do, he simplifies things.  He talks about science vs. western religious beliefs, yet he doesn't examine the mystical side of science.  Quantum physics is all about trying to decipher the meaning of life.  So is the reasearch involving Genetic Engineering.

 

April 26th, 2009

Change your perceptions, change your life.  The greatest crisis we face is not material.  It is a crisis of ideology.  It is the ignorance that people embrace that causes all our suffering.  People choose to not deal with the fact that our society is broken completely.  It is spiraling out of control.  You may choose to think and to care, or you may willingly embrace ignorance.

The number one factor in the spiral is our own "morality".  Our existences are all to often focused on an understanding of life as spawning the next generation.  Our moral behaviors actually are the darkness that will consume us.  We built our "morality" on Christian ideology.  Christian attacks against Pagans and Muslims over the last 2000 years have driven people into patterns of mental processing that are alien to our own living potential.  We create like a virus.  This is an idea showcased through many of the modern Gnostic movements.  We have the understanding and intellect to make clear decisions, yet we have become violently opposed to rationality.

I listen to many who say Nirvana is within our potential to obtain today, if it wasn't for the power elite who control us.  I disagree with most of these experts.  We are very advanced mammals.  We are still very primitive in our understanding of life.  We are as ignorant as our ancestors who believed the earth was flat and the sun revolved around the earth.  They could prove to you that this was as it is, and yet it never was.  We are still trapped in this way of thinking, the only difference is we have grown in population and this population has grown in demand for the finite resources of this planet.

The truth is you are energy and thought.  This is the point of our understanding were spirituality and science meet.  The new age movement is filled with this truth of Quantum Mechanics.  We are also slaves to our Environment.  We co-exist with the flora and fauna.  We are lost without the sky and the sun.  Hatred and ignorance of 2000 years have damaged our ability to proclaim answers to the questions of why.  It amuses me that the Roman empire continues to operate, simply high-jacking our modern empires.  Primitive we are.  Ignorance is the true God of Christianity.

Where lies the truth?  If science and spirituality show you that all you truly are is energy and thought, then at least you can see the gateway to something much, much greater.  The question is, can you overcome the fear and hesitation and embrace the real that is not real.  There is no Here, there is no There, all is but one. 

March 10th, 2009

I'm sure I have had too much Wormwood tea but maybe that is a good thing.  I feel more settled right now.  I wish I could stay in this mindset forever, but life doesn't seem to work that way.  Today I feel the as I should.  Maybe it is the moon, the tea, or the jasmine.  Maybe it is everything.

Life is a work in progress.  No one said its fait, but then again fairness isn't an ideal like Justice, it is an aspect of perception.  Accept things as they are.

March 8th, 2009

If we had a pagan, rather then a Christian society, I am sure I would be a priest.

This brings me to a point that eludes most people, our society is because of corruption and ignorance far more then it is because it is.  In fact ignorance is the greatest illness of our modern times.  It isn't classified as an illness.  I have yet to meet one person who argues with the fundamentals of this site.  Most people just can't accept the fact that they live in complete corruption.  Talk to police or lawyers about justice.  We have a legal system, not a justice system.  We live without Justice.

How about the morality of our religious organizations.  You can find purity and good intentions at the  community level, but the hierarchies are corrupt and knowingly spread ignorance.  You can not teach ideology based on things that you know aren't true.  Therefore our religions have no Morality.  The theology of Christianity is strongly present in our legal system therefore further corrupting a system already absent of Justice with dishonesty.

And our political systems.  I don't even need to explain this one.  Most intelligent people know there is a large element of corruption within them as well.  Special interests are given far more attention then the common person.

I meet a great deal of people who suffer because they are victims to Malkuth.  This is Malkuth.  Even when I use this term I realize it is as corrupt as the world it represents.  And that my friends is the truth.

I named this site what I named it simply because.  It simply came to me, and yet I feel it is the truth.  Ares is the God of war, feared throughout all time.  The only worship of Ares was by select little tribes, similar to the Spartans of the movie 300.  The energy of Ares has been worshiped by far more then they though.  Ares is the Hate and Rage that has throughout all time cause people to search for Justice and Morality, to overcome ignorance and fight back against corruption.  The Russian Czars, the Nazis, the British Empire, the Romans, and the French Aristocracy all fell through the power of Justice and Morality.  And they did not fall through Love, they fell through Hate.

The lacking element in the equation though is Taoism.  All the raw Hate and Passion that fueled the worlds great victories was flawed, and doomed to failure again.  Many Nazis ended up working for the Americans in the Nuclear and Space programs.  Where lies the truth behind that fact?  Where lies the Justice?  Taoism, on the other hand, is balance.  Much can be learned through a mixture of ideals, or at least that is my suggestion.

Reach out, and look for the truth.  Strive with intent and passion.  Educate yourself and do.  Too many people like to play and plan, but fail to execute.  I find so many people lost in the collective banality.  This is not my path, for I have already arrived at my destination.  If you are here I ask you to challenge yourself and study a little Taoism.  It is a vast sense of being, a Religion but so much more.  There are no martial arts based on Western Religions.  Taoism holds something for everyone.  Who knows where it will lead you?

 

February 21st, 2009

I know what I value.  I take responsibility for me.  You can't blame people or expect them to be able to see inside your head to realize everyone is a prisoner to their own existence.  The poor child who happens to be hit by a car, is both responsible for it and doomed because of it.  It doesn't mean they are good or bad, just misfortunate at that moment.  How many times do children run out into the street for a run away ball?  How many times are they not hit by a car?  I'm sure there are people who read this site who know of far worse circumstances then a child chasing a ball into the street.  Landmines, needles, individuals with malicious intent.  Sometimes things happen.  Sometimes they don't.  Things happen as they happen and we have to go forward from that point.  Each point has a million possible outcomes, but we simply walk away from those that hit us, or don't as the case might be.  Things are as they are.

I do often speak in riddles, that many people don't understand.  That is as it is as well.  I am not a Drama Queen in any regards.  People spend way to much time repeating the same fucking stories over and over again.  For me, I know what I value.  I know the difference between life and this body of flesh holding the sacred parasite.  Do you?

The number one thing I encourage anyone who ventures into my world here is to read and study and grow.  I envy the monks of Tibet.  I feel they are closer to the truth then most people are.  Sadly I can not join them because I have been trapped here to long.  Public schooling in North America really will take the spirit out of you.  So I must compromise and deal with things as I feel I must and as I can.  The monks are an excellent example of beings trapped in Malkuth living lives journeying to Kether.  Yes I am adding to confusion by mixing Religious terminology from the Kabbalah to practitioners of eastern spirituality.  Deal with it.  Deal with everything that seems wrong to you.  Accept that others will not be able to accept you, just as you may not be able to accept them.

When I use to spend time with She who seemed of the Fae, I always just tried to help her over come those things that kept her from becoming a beautiful butterfly.  I have come to understand and accept that sometimes things just work out and sometimes they don't.  Like the toy doll with stitches in her arm, sometimes that is all you can do to keep things together.

 

February 8th, 2009

For me the best path to take is sideways.  You are energy and thought, you have simply been programmed to be a consumer.  Go watch Fight Club, this will make more sense.

Ignorance is Bliss is the sickness that consumes our world.  Break outside the norms and learn.  I found this awesome website loaded with a ton of valuable digital books.  Most of my stuff I get through less forthright sources but this site is easy to use and very useful.  The site is www.scribd.com  Check it out!  There are a lot of books on subjects I don't bring up here but are very interesting.  Gnostic and Magick material are readily available as well as health and fitness and philosophy.  And all sorts of boring material existence stuff that is probably very useful, but that wouldn't send me sideways now would it.

 

I promised you more art so here we go.  I have about 10 variations on this piece but I choose this one.  More on it later.

 

February 6th, 2009

Seriously, here is the theory.  Individuals in and around the United States government are running the Illuminati playbook.  Mess up the economy, nationalize the banks, fail to fix the problem.  Create more avenues to siphon off money, such as was done with the Billions in the Iraq war that just disappeared.  It is brilliant.

What is next?  I like the idea that Dick Chaney is giving dire predictions of a future "9/11" type attack.  The last attack was organized and educated in the United States and funded from Pakistan, with no primary connection to Iraq.  The original "9/11" attack was never fully investigated and many had impossibilities very similarly to the Kennedy assassination and the moon landing.  I use the term original attack based on Dick Chaney's declaration of another attack.  If you have studied the original you must understand Chaney knows more about it then anyone reading this website ever will.

Now I am a Gnostic Witch and therefore I am very comfortable with calamity and deception.  Those without Gnostic beliefs' have no ability to question, no sense of knowing.  Ignorance is bliss, or so a corrupt world might be.

There are also many philosophies that question whether all human beings actually have souls.  It would explain a great deal about our world if this is so.  I would question as to if the world is corrupt and hallow, is there not another answer if we reached a point of mundane enslavement.  I smile realizing truths that most fear to look for.  The truth is I have never met anyone who can question the fundamentals of Gnostic belief.  Most people simply want to turn off their minds to the truth.

Madness is purposefully living a hallow existence fearful of grasping the vastness of the truth around you.

If you hunger for knowledge and understanding you need to open yourself up to the question of what your life should be.  Do you live for more then life?  Do you simply need to live?

I had a wonderful chat with a professed Atheist and noticed an interesting crack in their pattern.  They simply can't discuss spirituality rather then have a rational understanding of a non-spiritual existence.  They might make it through the contemporary understanding and falseness of mainstream religion, but hit them with Satanism and usually they cring.  Meaningless is meaningless, but it is far more about social programming then understanding.  Most people are impossible to deal with because they are already dead, filled with social programming.

 

February 5th, 2009

Why is the world broken?  Hey now, don't get me wrong, I've been asking this question for my entire life.  The only difference is that now other people are worried as well.  My first statement is, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Now I am hearing all this stuff about a depression.  The problem with society is we seem not to have any ability to think rationally.  We, not being me but them, think in terms of social conceptualization.  If you lose your job, that I have been saying isn't really a job anyways, then have you really?   Our society is filled with the meaningless.  I often meet people who have careers that I explain to them achieve absolutely nothing.  Do you have a job, a function that needs to be done, or do you have a career, that really isn't that important.  Is your career simply a method of control like so many occupations have become.  Are you an Officer of Justice or are you a Officer of the State?  Do you represent Healing and Welfare, or do you serve a system of medicine.  Most people can't even accept that there is a difference between trying and achieving.  Our society has far to many people working hard to fail.  We must be willing to sacrifice today to save tomorrow.

Now I want to update, and so I have to cut this blog short, but I have some advice to help out all the really smart people who rule the world.

Don't spend more then you have!  Wow what a crazy idea, good thing we will fuck up the planet long before anyone will ever figure this concept out.  Insanity is failure to conform to social norms, Madness is conforming to social norms.

New art coming soon!

January 9th, 2009

I was listening to some Sinatra today.  The songs are from a simpler time, and yet they carry as much meaning today as they did then.  The words ran true though and that is all that mattered.  I just turned on some Blink 182 now to try to wash the feelings away that the Sinatra brought to focus.  Issues of trust.

I actually listen to a lot of "dark" music, yet the music is actually about accepting the truth.  Things are simply wrong here.

Racism.  I am glad I am not someone of a visible minority, even if many people tell me I am now the minority.  I accept that Corporations are hungry for a "different" type of workforce and a new leadership paradigm.  I gave up on this societies paradigm long ago so it really doesn't matter.  The nice thing is as a person with a pale complexion I know the world is fucked up, cause it is fucked up.  I have met a lot of young people who see "racism" everywhere.  They have no sense of responsibility and are filled with racial contempt.  I have reached out to others to try to show them that racism isn't everywhere, and all these people think the same thing.  I never would have reached out to these people if I thought they had these same feelings, but I am glad that I have seen this.

It is amazing everything is as messed up as it is.  Maybe the Hindu faith is actually the truest of them all.  Well I don't know enough about the faith to say that but I do like the idea that everything here is Maya, an illusion.  Go Google Hindu illusion and check out the results.  What is it in life that makes things real?  I have been reading a book about how your mind processes information.  It is funny how the book strives to make the point that as much as things may seem real it is only the interaction with the five senses that "truly" makes thing real.  As someone who studies different spiritual paths, I found it so cute how the "pure" science boy tried to reason against what his own experiments where proving.  Your mind controls what you perceive.  Color is a perception, not a truth.  It is dependant on light, and light is nothing but energy.  Energy is what happens in your brain, electrical pulses.  The outside world actually is only one way in which your brain perceives.  There is so much more to know.

December 31st, 2008

Well at least I fixed my job, for now, in 2008.  It is sad though, most people I have been talking to agree that these Corporations will further destroy our future in 2009.  I like to look at social actions and try to relate them to the Seven deadly Sins.  Christmas has so many elements of Gluttony.  Every chance I get I try to get people to understand how fortunate they are.  I think of the bitter cold here and I appreciate the fact we have food and heat.  What is it like to live, like my foster child Olga in the republic of Congo.  It may be warm and seem nice but everything is a hardship there.  They don't have 18 different choices of chip dip and the luxury of being able to watch the latest Ben Stiller movie on DVD.  Then again maybe they are fortunate about that last one.

Now being fortunate doesn't give you the right to be ignorant.  I have been reading a lot of new age wisdom lately, specifically Ekhart Tolle and Wayne Dyer.  These dudes will both tell you god is perfect.  Arestao is going to strongly disagree with this idea.  Now I usually go off on my rant about if God is all about peace how come our entire existence is about violence.  I don't even believe we have lived with a history of hatred, just violence for many emotions.  Hate, greed, ignorance, conceit, and yes, at large portion of mankind's history is violence focused on love, or lust.  We are violent.  The stories of the Bible and other Mythologies also depict God as violent.  God lost from a tenth to a third of "his" angelic army based on his Angels questioning "his" commands.  God is not perfect.

Now I state this because when I meet people all day long I meet a lot of people with the "nowhere" look.  People with very little inside them.  I watch the news and see people die and suffer, not because they didn't open their minds to the purity of being in the now,  but because they are in the wrong part of the world, living in the now.  My point is, I think it is great to open up your mind to all sorts of new ideas, but you equally need to rationally examine the ideas.  Then again they do say ignorance is bliss, and I have seen much to back up this universal truth as much as the entire works of Dyer and Tolle.

It is so much easier to be a Wicca then any other Religion.  We live at one with the planet and nature is our birthright.  Do what you will as long as it harms none.  Question everything else.

Best Album/CD of 2008 - Guns and Roses, Chinese Democracy

Weezer's Red Album is a close second, but after a decade long wait the album lived up to everything it should have been.  A perfect album for 2008, with a modern style demonstrating that Axl Rose is Guns and Roses.

 

October 16th, 2008

Numb.  Well what else do I really need to say.  I'm not really interested in going to where I have never understood.  So I guess I'll just sit here for a moment.

I've broken all the windows in this old glass house.  It feels very liberating at least.  And at least I am real.  I sat today and read the words myself.  Maya.  The Hindu reference that I rarely bring up here.  I always refer to the Kabbalist term of Malkuth.  Both Malkuth and Maya are true, but they both encompass different ideas.  Maya is all about the world as simply an illusion.  This is true and important.  The sad thing is this is suppose to be a foreign idea that people can't really get.  Sadly I understand it completely.  Too see past it once, you can dismiss it as some strange occurrence.  Twice and you Know.  More then that makes it very hard to accept anything less, especially when less is all you got.

But less is more sometimes.  Most of you reading this are a long way away from me.  Everything seems a long way away right now.  And yet this is life.  People don't get it.  They don't get me, or the dream within me.  The dream that is an awakened world.  Aware of the Illusion and the Great Journey before us.

Acceptance.  I listen to the words and realize the truth.  "I did it my way" by the Sex Pistols.  True freedom and understanding have their own price tag.  It makes me think of Neo and the Oracle.  It makes me think.  The next song comes on and I think maybe it is telling me something.  Has this book been written by me in the past.  Or even is their any real sense of time in the big picture.

Wise.  In the course of 20 minutes everything has become clearer.  My brain had that familiar feeling of releasing chemicals and everything is different now.  Better.  Much, much better.  I feel the music in my ears, a sensation of physical existence.  Yet I know that it is more then that.  On this level it is all matter but at the base of everything it is just energy.

I smile realizing I am much happier being here with my earth gem and some good music then I would be with, that which is not.

September 26th, 2008

What is the true intention of the banking crisis in the United States.  Why shouldn't there be a serious correction in a bloated stock market?  Stocks are shares in the value of a Corporation, their price should translate directly into the value of the business and its assets.   Is this yet another step towards a New World Order where all banks are Governed by one World body?  There still seems to be a big split between The USA and Europe over banking regulations, but it is interesting that the financial decisions are being made not by Economists but by Bureaucrats.

September 25th, 2008

The Death of Capitalism.  It doesn't work.  Sadly society fails to accept that it is itself that fails more then its philosophical attempts at utopia.  And human beings fail to embrace their potential.  They are sabotaged by the darkness that we create.  I guess there is the fear, the apathy, whatever.

I turned off CNN today and turned on the Matrix.  I guess I feel like Cypher today.  If I was truly given a choice what would I have chosen?  I thought for a minute that I had a choice.  Do you really though?  I have met a few people to whom I have been able to open up their understanding of the world.  Most though just don't get it.  Where does that leave me?  What did Cypher do to free himself from the disappointment that awakening brings with it?  What did Mouse do?  What really is the difference between Cypher and Mouse?  Perception.

I smile with an awareness that the machine will give you outs if you want them.  I guess you really are making a choice.  People are what they are.  Special just doesn't seem to be something I view humanity as.  Having absolutely no attachment to social norms, yet the understanding of them might not be as bad as I might think.

And the point is, what is right? 

September 18th, 2008

Your opinion matters.  I just might not care though.  I had an interesting chat today with someone who seemed to exist with an aura of fear.  I have no fear.  I have faith.  I know the Bible is a book.  I know the Nixon Government faked the Moon landings.  I know the Government had an interest in the events of 9/11.  I know who I am, and I expect you not to understand me.  I write here as an offering to the Fates.  I speak as the voice of Gabriel, guiding you not to see the truth but in an effort to simply shatter a small piece of your consciousness, to simply let in the light.

Semantics.  Such a joke, especially when being used to justify a trivial existence.  The only word that I think needs to be understood better when used is Integrity.  Take your honesty and stick it.  Integrity is one of those corporate catch phrases that is suppose to mean something.  I got lots of Integrity.  Why?  Cause I'm willing to admit to corporate soldiers that I'll tell you what ever you need to hear.  I'll lie poorly and with a smile, and you'll know I'm lying, but I'm not 'cause I'm not really trying to convince you what I'm saying to you.  I'll let you keep your promotion and your bonus and I'll keep a little bit more of my soul then you might be comfortable with.  You see that is Integrity, being true to who you claim to be.

Know who you are.  Know what really matters in life.  Remember that one day it just might matter more who you are then who you pretend to be.  I am not a Nice man.  I respect Justice over possessions.  I think you need to value that life has choices and choices have consequences.  Learn the lesson of the Merovingian, "Causality."

You can have your drugs and your Jesus saves bumper stickers, I'll take an extra large does of self righteous conceit.  Everything is fucked.  This is Malkuth.  Open your eyes and you just might see the Truth.

I got a link for you.  Be prepared you really need to open your brain real real wide to take in this site, but it may just help you see things a little bit better.  Or worse as the case might be.  Semantics?  Maybe its not how you define things, maybe its all about your own fear of being defined.  Change your Perception, change your World.   www.montalk.net

September 8th, 2008

This could be it!  On Wednesday they turn on the Large Hadron Collider over in Europe.  This could bring about the beginning of the End and create a black hole that will destroy the Earth.  Or it might be used to uncover the truth behind how energy forms mass.  Or if we learn nothing from history, it will simply make us go, um that's not what we expected to happen.  It is suppose to take a while to get going once the power is activated, so don't expect the following to day to be a nightmare of darkness that will plague our lives years later.  You know the day after September 10th when the particle accelerator goes online.  Wait a minute, maybe we should wait until November to activate this thingy.

Now that I got the science out of the way, lets get Occult for a minute.  You see I am far more an Occultist then a Ideological Fool or a Conspiracy Theorist nutcase.  It is hard to watch the specials about the Illuminati as a Witch and not go, um they are practicing sympathetic Magick.  Here is my theory, which I base on only Occult learning's.  What if the destruction of the Two Towers was partially an Occult ritual.  As a Witch you always look at what you want to achieve and then try to match up the circumstances with what is available.  If you had a huge Asbestos problem with these towers that would cost as much to fix as it would to tear them down, and you could make some money on it, and you could advance your political addenda, and then create a ritual using thousands of innocents and double tower symbol to deepen your own dark powers, wouldn't you do it.  Magick is very creative like that, you take what you got and you try to make the most out of it.

But that's Evil!  Which part is Evil?  Making a buck at someone else's expense.  Thinking your decisions are better then the common ignorant populace.  The killing of thousands in pursuit of your religious agenda.  You better quit your job and stop going to church then.  The Catholic church was founded on exactly the same ideas, and all other modern Christian religious organizations are based on the Catholic church.  They were it for a thousand years!  You can say yours is better, different, but after a thousand years of death, robbery, and murder there wasn't much to pick from.  These are facts.  History is clear.  People always throw up the idea that "God" doesn't want us to kill each other.  I always just smile and say, I think the last 4000 years of history tells a different story.  Hell the Old Testament is founded on the idea of a War in Heaven!  Thou shall not kill but let me tell you what the Angels did!

Now take a deep breath and breath.  Our entire understanding of life is Theoretical.  It doesn't do me any good to try to stop the government from betraying our trust as they do.  The important thing is that you realize the world around you.  Bad credit is bad for everyone.  Poor driving habits are wrong.  Every action has a consequence, one way or another.  My favorite example of this is the Ten Commandments.  They aren't ranked worse to best, they simply are.  Live well, be well.

Lets get back to the Occult for a minute.  What could be a greater Occult undertaking then building a Doomsday machine that will attempt to replicate the "Big Bang".  6 to 10 Billion dollars.  The stories I have been reading even mention "The God Particle" in speaking of this great experiment.  Witch Government leaders and private citizens have "funded" this dark, dark project?  Watch for the Eye of Horus.

September 7th, 2008

I'm listening to "King" by Weezer.  I never really liked Weezer but their latest Album seems to have some killer tracks on it.  I got some advice for you right now, give up on the Corporate game if you are employed in any type of job like that.  Sorry I guess they claim they are Careers.  You are the King of your Life.  Don't play their game.  I had a little child tell me that I would probably be happier if I sold out.  The room got real quiet as everyone else watched my reaction.  I just smiled and noted now earlier some people fall.  I also reflected on how some people would much rather try to be personable rather then intellectual.  I hate to bring up the Christian doctrine but in all the little stories Jesus is never nice.

Jesus is never depicted as nice.  He isn't social pleasant.  He speaks what he believes to be the truth.  What would Jesus do?  Well I can guarantee he wouldn't be a shrill for a bullshit Corporate entity.  "No way dude.  Every Evangelical I know is a corporate shrill."  Its funny that Evangelicals are so hateful of homosexuals based on one line from the bible yet they are not concerned over their place in the Globalization of Corporate existence.

"I am not a number.  I am a free man."

There is a tight rope we must walk though between servitude to corporate exploitation and our obligations to our friends and neighbors.  All I ask is for you to ask the question, "Who am I and who do I serve."  Realize the truth about your existence.  If you have a demanding spouse and children to care for you might decide you have to sell your soul for riches.  That is what you have to do.  All I would ask is for you to help your children move beyond your own enslavement.

Me, I got to walk the path I walk.  You know the government at the very least was completely responsible for 9-11.  Within two days they had all the names of the high jackers and knew at which flight schools and military bases they were trained at.  They were trained in America.  The government knew the attackers were coming.  I believe the conspiracy theorists myself, but you know the government messed up and is responsible for all the deaths.  Then there were the non-existant weapons of mass destruction.  You know that they are lying to you but so many refuse to accept the fact that the truth is its all one big joke.

You can't accept it.  No you won't accept it.  I accept it.  Its really all kind of funny when you can see beyond it all.  Now I could go off the deep end and be mad and angry all the time.  The truth is, all you can do is smile and enjoy the ride of Malkuth.  Who knows, maybe we should give the Illuminati more credit.  If it is true that they worship dark entities at least they accept that they aren't really Material beings.  Then again maybe the entities that they worship want to be Material, like I discussed previously.  It really is very, very interesting, but I'm sorry you just want to pick out new drapes for the cottage and have a pint at the pub with your friends.  Your loss.

Salvation is the Tree of Knowledge.  Take an Apple and bite down hard.  The Pope might want you ignorant, but he's worse then Mr.Bush anyday.

September 5th, 2008

I just finished watching the Illuminati Documentary.  It wasn't what I was expecting.  It was far more about what I wrote about last entry, the idea that these people are only pawns for supernatural forces.  It was all about Satanic belief.  Now I am still of the theory that no empire has ever managed to not grow larger then it could manage, and then fall.  I expect the same thing to happen with an Empire controlled by the members of Yale's Skull and Bones society.  I do not think that "evil" entities will ever overwhelm the earth and bring "hell on earth".  I will always bank on mother nature to win every battle their is.  And soon enough we will have a new President of the United States to demonstrate a complete lack of management, just like the last guy did.

An interesting fact of the documentary was that the Skull and Bones society was built with money raised through Opium trafficking.  Every week a few more Canadian troops get killed over in Afghanistan where Opium production has increased overwhelmingly since the invasion.  I'm sure the oil pipeline going through that fine country also has nothing to do with the spirit of democracy that we all embrace.  Opium, Oil and Weapons contracts.  Democracy and Capitalism.  I'll take mine with a nice slice of apple pie.

Money won't bring you contentment and for people seemingly involved with the Occult, these dudes sure seem to be building themselves a lot of bad Karma.  But as always this website is about you.  Live your life within your means.  You could work at McDonalds and be able to afford to live as well as a high roller from 40 years ago.  We simple desire too much.  We also live to long.  The world was just fine before TV and when life expectancy was 50.  We have become brainwashed for more.  Perhaps these "entities" really like the idea of materialism, and they are feeding us with their own desires.

That is actually a brilliant idea.  This is just an idea based on theology, but if God trapped the fallen angels in Hell, wouldn't they want to escape to here.  If that is their main focus then it makes sense they would want to "materialize" here.  If they are able to affect us then these attempts would all be tainted with the desire for material existence.  this would then explain, cause I don't understand it, why people are so transfixed on things.  You want a new Mercedes cause supernatural entities want to be freed from their imprisonment by material existence.  That's pretty cool.  Just an idea though.

September 4th, 2008

Beware the New World Order.

O.K. I'm just kidding.  If you don't know all about the Illuminati and the New World Order look it up.  I have been watching a lot of programs about it lately.  I never get upset or fearful from them.  They actually give me a sense of peace.  I am not a simple enough guy to believe the elite of the white race is responsible for all the problems in our world.  You see I accept their is a much wider range of emotions then Love and Hate.  I understand there are levels of energy just outside of our awareness that influence us.  These are the things that you need to accept, not the idea that the power elite want to control the world.

Why would a New World Order need any more power then they already have?  This is the question that conspiracy theorists rarely state.  Kissinger, Bush, Cheney, the Clintons, Tony Blair.  They already have access to all the power they need for their own personal desires.  They won't better themselves with greater control.  The question then would be, what forces are at work manipulating individual people towards a global power base?  And if the Chinese and the Russians aren't onboard, what will it achieve?

This blog is just a taste of the idea.  Check out all the 9-11 conspiracy documentaries to get a better feel of what a New World Order might be all about.  I have also been reading that there is a similar style internet event being prepared by the United States Government.  I suppose this would help restrict the main source of information to the public.  It is also the reason why external storage and my aversion to linking all my computers to the net exists.

August 21st, 2008

O.K. I really have to say I have felt much better not trying to be in the moment.  The Power of Now is over-rated.  Since I was raving over this idea previously I guess I will try to pull forth a new ideology.  Learn to face your mistakes and move on.

I think the factor for me that is missing when you are in the moment is the awareness of hope.  There, unless I am missing something, can be no hope when you are living in the now.  Hope is an anticipation of something better just beyond this moment.  Hope is the dynamic force of change.  Change is an action within the Now, but the consequences of change are often gradual.  All I care about is this Now and I feel much better Now, not living in the moment.

My weight training program has been going well.  I am finishing up the first month and ready to start the nutrient isolation part again, starting on Sunday.  Sometimes I have been in complete agony, but I hope to make corrections to my supplementation that will help me with that.  I also expect to be more prepared for this second month, even though I might have let my enthusiasm wane slightly.  The summer heat probably made things a little harder then they should have been as well.  I need to take everything into consideration as I critique my success.

Success itself is a interesting idea.  It is a term signifying a start and a finish, but in reality one event simply leads us to the next.  One success is the foundation of a future challenge.  How do you challenge yourself and what do you expect to achieve?

July 24th, 2008

I've eaten half a watermelon today and a good section of pineapple.  I'm on a weight training program that emphasizes nutrient isolation days.  I've consumed mainly very low carb food for the past week.  Today I am only allowed fruit, no protein at all.  It is suppose to make your body a sponge for protein for increased lean mass growth.  The hardest day by far was the all protein day yesterday.  People that I talk to don't seem to understand what food is and can't understand how difficult it is to eat all protein.  They think meat is great and that a day with only fruit would be difficult.  Shrimp without pasta?  Steak without a Baked Potato?  All fruit is much nicer.  Tomorrow I get to start eating normally again.  It is a one week dieting cycle followed by 4 weeks of normal eating with very little calorie counting.  The exercise aspect is also more to my liking.  It involves overtraining, which is usually not a good idea, and definitely bad for sleep, but it also involves a lot of complex high rep work that I enjoy more then the low rep workouts I was on a few weeks ago.

The question some might ask is why?  The answer is you are a machine, imbedded with a parasite.  I enjoy referencing your soul with a "negative" word like parasite, but that is what a soul is.  It feeds off of the material existence that you toil at everyday.  It blossoms amid the darkness and grim reality that Malkuth is.  The lowest rung of the Tree of Life.  All your soul wants is for you to reach up a little higher.  While you are stuck here though, you might as well be in the best shape you can.  A Rod, Madonna, Ashtin, and Demi are all positive testaments to the virtues of the Kabbalah.  And They are all in tip top condition.  Spirituality and material existence melding in an attempt at understanding the big picture.

July 23rd, 2008

So I'm I still here?  Maybe it is actually good that I haven't had anything to say here.  I have been busy with various projects and just had nothing to say.

Maybe the fact I became so focused on being in the now influenced my lack of insight.  It helped me, but it also made the concept of hope distant.  Hope is something outside of the now.  As is change.  Growth?  Whatever.  I learned some stuff from being in the now, but it just doesn't seem like it was the answer for me.

So I've been working out and working with the Monroe Institutes Gateway program.

I also have been trying to open myself up to circumstance, but circumstance is circumstantial.  So instead I will embrace the ideas presented in "Eyes of an Angel" by Paul Elder.  It was actually kind of circumstantial that I bought the book, not knowing it was all about the authors involvement with the Monroe Institute.  Now I have read a lot of books about Channeling and Spirit Guides and this is another such book.  I sometimes have a hard time not being skeptical about these types of books but I really enjoyed one aspect of "spiritual advice" listed in this book.  The idea involves the gift we have on this plane of existence to experience "negative emotions".  I think I really enjoy the idea of embracing emotions and feelings that most people can't accept as their own.  I don't believe everything in the spirit world is this beautiful loving energy where only love exists.  Then again, maybe humans have no ability to relate to ideas formed with more dimensions then just 3.

June 12th, 2008

Sorry for the limited updates.  This site isn't about me you know, it's about You.  The choices you make and the questions you ask.  So I am here and now and hopefully can be of service to You.  It is interesting that I have chosen to capitalize "you" because normally I use capitals refer to purely spiritual matters, the eyes in the shadows so to speak.  And the fact that I used the pronoun "I" with the term "normally" as in normal is amusing.  This site has never been about normal.

I've heard a lot of people tell me that if I continue to act the way I have been I might be seen as "crazy".  I smile and respond that anyone who associates there existence with simple material objects or meaningless titles is the crazy one.  It is nice to "seem" crazy.  People know you are one of the sanest people that they know, acting with intelligence and understanding, yet when you live with consciousness and understanding, the color of your new Truck just doesn't seem as important as the health of your Soul.

I don't like to play nice with people who think they are someone based upon their Career choices.  It really is silly that people identify themselves that way.  Next time you work on your résumé or go for a job interview, or have a performance review, think about what it really means in the big picture of who you are.  Lots of people exist only as there jobs.  Now to me that is crazy.  I had my performance review recently.  A few years I was allowed to do my own, the saddest point being who should know you better then yourself.  This year I was simply handed a blank one.  I flipped it to the last page and wrote the truth, "Only through God's eyes shall you be judged."  I take to much pride in the fact that this comment is so awesome do to Corporate Americas new touchy feely nature with personal faith.  I love interacting with the corporate agents and their empty consciences.  Oh, I'm sorry, they really do care.

Now I watched a great movie today.  The Southland Tales.  It has a great cast of B listers: the Rock, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Justin Timberlake to name a few.  It is very long but definitely worth renting.  I guess it cost 17 million to make and grossed about $600,000.  Nice.  I'm sure it will be one of those timeless cult classics.  Its all about the end of the world and the political climate in the United States right now.  Don't expect the greatest acting, but to me, it seems like a really well done television mini-series.  To bad it cost 17 million to make.

I have lots of stuff prepared for future blogs so updates should be much more often, like they use to be.

 

May 14th, 2008

"This too shall pass"  I picked this particular quote out of "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.  I like my job because of the karma that surrounds my job.  I see a great many people who take upon themselves opportunities for wealth and success at a cost to their Karma.  We live lives based on moral ambiguity sometimes.  I feel I am often shunned because I don't.  People hate having people preach at them.  They hate me far less 'cause I preach that the preachers are the truly lost.  I speak with my sneer and my arrogance against the Ideas that are far from Ideals.  Twice today I basically laughed at people because they follow a path cast upon with shards and debris.  They walk it because they are to numb to notice.

I guess I will stop here and just encourage people to read "A New Earth".  Skip the first chapter or two and begin to read through it.  If you can understand the ideas, and ideals, behind my site this book should be able to help you enjoy more, everyday.  Many people have been brought to it by the Oprah buzz, and haven't a foundation to understand it.  You can sometimes read something all you want, if you don't understand the language, it won't bring you much understanding.

I have been reading a great deal lately.  I have been eating better.  I have been dreaming more.  I feel very let down by people, but I truly understand it is not them, nor is it me, it simply is.  It simply is.

I will also add a level of honesty that I  think is so important in your every waking moment.  I adhour pharmaceuticals in general and think that they simply mask the horrors that we live with everyday.  Sadly I have reached a point where I was no longer able to deal with life without them.  I know a great many people who self medicate to exist in our North American way of life.  I have decided that I would be willing to test out something else to overcome the temptation to live this way.  I do so with the understanding that I will reach a point where I must chose to go a different direction.  Even now I understand this.  My mind body connection has sent me a message that I need to follow.  I need to accept the prison I am in is simply a prison, until I learn to fly.

May 5th, 2008

The United States is 9 Trillion dollars in debt and the Democrats are talking about Tax Relief?  I'm glad I live in a Country that understands that destroying your Eco-system is a far easier way to balance your budget.

O.K. so the whole fucking world is messed up.  Hard to read my site and not understand that.

Need something new to contemplate.  I have been reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.  This is a great book, mainly cause he has sold so many copies that it is pretty freaking cheap.  I began to read it and quickly made the face like, "Wow, this book is lame."  It is an easy book to read quickly.  Lots of material did not apply to me but the book is very well formatted so you can skim read it until you find the golden bits of insight within it.  It is also very religiously inclusive, touching on ideas from all the worlds religions.

And on a personal note...

The things that really mean something.  It is amazing how I feel touched by the forces that are beyond our usual perception.  It is hard to stay on a righteous path as the world around us seems to be drifting deeper into the abyss.  I appreciate the many, many people that have failed me and lead me to a greater understanding of the beyond.  I recently had an experience beyond the astral.  Out of body experiences are far from common but spiritually possible through many means.  I did not have one.  What I had was an experience of pure Consciousness.  Out of body and near death experiences have a material understanding of a non-material event.  What I had was a connection with the purity of being.  a No body experience.  I was in a state of pure consciousness.  To say I was pure energy is incorrect but it is impossible to translate the event into physical terms.  Pure divine Love.  I was using a special Quartz crystal and all I felt was Love and Power.  Truly, I guess the Power was the Love.  The interesting thing is I barely came back.  I came back with a greater understanding.  I can't relate it to you, but it was amazing.

I'll add another observation because I found it interesting.  I never have the understanding that we are all connected as many spiritual arts state.  I returned from this rare occurrence with the same lack of connection to the people around me.  I feel the connection with God, or as I would state it the Devine.  I know there is something beyond our physical bodies.  I know that I am the Parasite within this human frame.   I am more then who I play at being here and now.  I still have sadness and anger but I also have had an experience that changed me for the better.  I take no pride in my achievement because I set myself up to fail.  The divine intervened as it often does for me.  I hope to see the vision far clearer then I have before.

March 13th, 2008

I'm writing this blog actually because I want to not because I feel I need to.  Too often lately I have been attempting to come to terms with things.  Maybe that is the problem.

How powerful are those we consider to be in power.  Mr. Spitzer is a great example.  What type of man is he at his core?  Now remember I believe our entire society is enslaved by the deeds of Constantine the Great, so I don't see him as a good man who has fallen.  I see him as a power hungry fool consumed by his place in the disease that to many embrace.  He had everything and was willing to turn his back on what he had.  I constantly meet people who show respect to people who have sold their very souls for wealth and ease rather then embrace the treasure of our humanity.

Easy for me say this you know.  I loose my way sometimes.  Sometimes it is lost for me.  Today is different.  I realize I have a mission to empower myself.  I appreciate the 3 of Swords for illuminating to the truth of all things.  I now realize the importance of reaching out to something better.  The day in the fall when all I wanted was truth and beauty, and it came to me.  And today I see that my Tarot reading did come to fruition.  I gained a little piece of insight that no one else can.  I think of some resent research I was doing and I came to the understanding that some information is just a bigger part of this disease all around us.

I don't speak with hate or anger, simply acceptance.  Malkuth.  I speak with a message.  I have always like the Gnostics idea that some of us are special and some are not.  Live with purpose.  Experience what you can and focus in on who it makes you as an individual.  Look over your choices realizing "right and wrong" is far more complicated then you might understand.  Examine, contemplate, live with  wisdom.  Live as if your life will end tomorrow, yet with the understanding that you are more then living.

Maybe this is the truth, as much as we see politicians as people who "have everything", perhaps the lies and deceit that have brought them things in the Here have cost them a lot more over There.

 

March 11th, 2008

Now I have always been a strong advocate for the virtues of drinking tea, but how good is your tea.  I bought a cheap tea pot lately.  It isn't one of those fancy ones you see in china or gift shops.  It is a cheap plastic and glass tea pot.  The nice thing about it is that it has a mesh inner cup for loose tea built right into it.  I use to use good quality tea bags, like Stash or Tazo, but I am now using loose herbs.  Now I'm not going to recommend you go find yourself some Wormwood like I did but what about something a little different.  Damiana and Skullcap tea is very nice.  I also have a little Yerba Mate.  It tastes a lot better then regular store bought tea and is probably much better for you.  I still drop a Green Tea tea bag in the bottom of the pot, but these herbs make it something special.

Now as I drink my tea I am reflecting on my recent life experiences.  All you can do in life is try.  Once things are done and you have tried your best you just have to move on.  So that is what I do.  I have been working on my art once again and hope to have fresh stuff soon.

And my reading.  I got "Gateways to the Otherworld", by Philip Gardiner based on a brief thumbing through of it.  It is a very odd book so far.  It is far less editorial and much more like a brief but expansive recapping of myths and history.  It is very unusual.  I usually like "how to" books better then anything else, but this one is a nice change.  I was hoping for information on spirits and contact information, but instead have found a exoteric book that has sent me looking in new locations for insight and understanding.

And what kind of existence would I have if not for my continued search for insight and understanding.  Probably something far more banal and empty.  I guess I'll smile and appreciate my circumstances.

 

March 8th, 2008

I'm drinking a cup of Wormwood Tea right now.  It is simply horrible tasting.  It doesn't seem to be opening me up to a greater understanding of the Universe either.  What exactly was I hoping for?  Maybe I was expecting to be able to transcend this world and merge with the void.  I have been doing a lot of reading lately.  I simply wish I had more time to read and just focus on gaining more insight into what is possible.  Sometimes...well O.K. far to often, I dwell on my failings.  This is very non-Zen.  I tried, I failed at achieving my goal, now I simply want to move on.  I guess all of these problems come from the world around me.  I really think the games that people call social interaction really damage who they are.  They seem cute or cool, but aren't.  Whatever.

Whatever is my new Zen catchphrase.  It is totally perfect to re-establish control and awareness.  Whatever.  People seem to want you to play there little games, but they don't empower the individual.  Whatever.  All you can do is move on.  Social game playing is very destructive to your true being.  If you think life is a game, then you have already lost.

Me.  I'm much happier trying to break through the barriers that trap us.  I'm reading three books all based on opening up my understanding of life so that I can be liberated from societies sickness.  I will be writing more coming up, but right now I'm in much more of a reading mood then a writing one.  It must be the tea.

Anyways I got fresh art for you here.  I know a lot of people end up here based on searches for images.  I have named this latest piece Britney, the Keeper of Bliss.  I chose the name Britney cause she is the Queen of messed up losers who need to re-examine there life values.  O.K. really I chose the name because it might activate some extra web traffic to here.  The image is called Keeper of Bliss.  Her name isn't Britney.  The scene isn't the material wasteland young Starlets live in, it is the world beyond our failings as human beings.  The stairway leads to liberation, to transcendence.  The candles do no illuminate the way, she does.  The essence of care and openness.  Trust.  To often as people we fail to understand the nature of trust, and the value of honesty.  To often we value the quantity of our acquaintances rather then then the deepest respect of our friends.  The Keeper of Bliss is purity and poise.  Patience and Power.  She waits and is ready to guide us, beyond the Here, to that which is.  There.    

March 6th, 2008

What is real? What matters to you? An interesting topic to explain this is in peoples understanding of the Devine essence. I find from personal discussions and spiritual readings that the belief is we should all be filled with Love and ready to go to the great big peaceful party in the heavens. Nice stuff. To me it just doesn’t compute.

We live in a corrupt dark world filled with deceit and ignorance. Most religions are based on limited understanding of the reality of who we are. They were created when we were far less knowledgeable then we are now. They have been timeless because they have been programmed into our collective consciousness.

Take some time and think about it. Think about the reality of our existence and history. If you believe the Earth is only 4000 years old and that there were Dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden then you realize I am crazy beyond belief. If you have an understanding of our dark history and scientific origins then maybe, just maybe, God is more, or less, then you have ever imagined.

You believe what you have been told to believe. Analytical Theology is what this site is designed to achieve. Open your mind and you may find more then you really need.

Now I have been very active lately working on lucid dreaming empowerment. I had a dream this afternoon (I was at work at 4am). At one point I looked down and saw a 30’ drop into a park. I realized that it was possible to make the jump safely. In lucid dreaming the idea is that you program your mind to realize when you are dreaming. When I successfully completed a gravity defining landing, I realized I was dreaming. Everything stops being a dream and becomes like a virtual reality experience. For those of you with real understanding of lucid dreaming, Yes this is an extreme simplification of the experience. This was a very minor success for me but hopefully it will put me back on the path to where I once was with my lucid dreaming success. Dreaming is a very easy place to interact with spirits, and this is where I need to return to. Spirits share humanities’ discomfort with honesty sometimes, but there are things that must be encountered for you to truly understand them.

On a very related topic, New Art coming soon! The pic is done but I seriously need to modify the image size for easy loading. When it gets posted just double click it to get the wallpaper sized version. I designed it as a Wallpaper for my new computer based on some of my past work. I’m not done with it personally. I’ll add some more Sigils and other components to empower it for me. I hope you enjoy. It will be up by the weekend.

 

February 27th, 2008

Sorry.  I've been working far to much on projects far to mundane for me to write about here, thankfully they will pay for the tools I need to reach that which I hunger for.  I turn on some old school Alice Cooper to write this blog.  Alice Cooper goes to Hell is truly a special album.  A rock opera more then a regular album, it is very different from most rock.  A reflection of the times I suppose.  Since I have been doing a lot of work with dreams and lucid dreaming it seems appropriate.

I have also been doing a little research into the 2012 prophesies, the end of the Mayan calendar.  As I partake of Mayan herbs to help illuminate my consciousness it seems like a relative undertaking.  O.K. truth be told, every time I go to the book store the books seem to draw my attention.  That being said I haven't bought anything on them.  I really don't fear the coming of the End of All things, nor do I think this will be it.  It does make me think though, what if the world were to end tomorrow?

Who are you?  Are you everything you want to be when Judgment day arrives?  If not, then why not?  Everyday I pride myself on being better then I was.  Time has given me the experience to understand my own potential.  Have I peaked physically yet?  I don't think so.  I need to embrace my divinity and simply push forward.  If my hopes and dreams have fallen by the wayside then I must learn to refocus on new dreams and hopes for truth and understanding.  Sadness I forsake for understanding is the true treasure that I have been given.  I can't stand with pride and gloat for life has delivered me a Spiritual understanding compared to a material existence.  I realize that I am energy, consciousness, water and divinity all wrapped up together.  I am Here and I am There.  I have a purpose to serve those to whom I am lucky enough to encounter.  I strive to illuminate and liberate those who like myself hunger for something greater then the mundane life that society envisions for us.  I strive to be at peace within myself and to know all that truly matters.

Peace and Safety upon you All

February 14th, 2008

Acceptance.  This is something I have spoken about before on here.  It ties everything together really.  It is your duty to strive forward to live the life you want to lead.  Somewhere though forces are at work.  It is hard to swim upstream.  Sometimes you just have to focus in on what you got to work with.  Chance has brought most of you to this site.  Chance is the work of Fate, if you believe in Fate.  We simplify complex matters for our own understanding.  To me Fate is just that, a human explanation of something far more complex.  Chance happens. Circumstance happens.  Why?  Well that is far beyond me to say, I'll just accept that there is a reason and live with that.

So, Today I accept things as they are.  I am here and now, built upon a foundation of examination and questions.  I have opportunity to build that which I desire, not through further external searching, but through my eye of awakened understanding.  Things may change, but I need to accept the opportunities before me right now and focus upon them.  This is a disappointment, but I understand everyone has a different path to take, and all my traveling of paths has lead me right here.  Now here is actually a gateway to There, but here is where I am, There not Here.

Affirmations are paramount to success.  They are your own personal cheerleaders, revving up to mind to win.  Our lives are filled with discouragement and negativity.  You need to remind your true self of the Truth.  Society will bring you down if you let it, and affirmations are a great source of protection against that.  You need an affirmation to enlighten your true self.  I used my Tarot cards to pick an affirmation.  I drew Judgment and present to you two affirmations based on the principles of the Judgment card presented in Tarot Affirmations by Sally Hill.

"I call for an awakening to the needs of higher self and a connection to the eternal"

"I celebrate a journey from personal isolation to connection with others who hear my call"

Now my first point is how poignant I found these affirmations, drawn by chance.  They fit perfectly with the work I try to do here, and the point I find my life at.  They also fit perfectly into where I wanted to go with today's blog.  A lot of affirmations are like these two, a little too complicated to be used in conjunction with others.  The problem with affirmations is that their success is dependant upon your minds ability to understand them.  The mind is confused all day long by the conflicting messages it receives.  Honesty is no longer a virtue to most of Societies pets.  Affirmations should be clear and concise.

To Be Continued...

February 7th, 2008

This was a very easy blog to write, but it is a hard place to have to write it from.

Perhaps I have arrived.  Sometimes you get lost, walk about for a while and end up where you started.  You went looking to go somewhere, but ended up where you were.  Every time you seek to find the answers you end up getting no where.  Maybe, just maybe, no where is Somewhere you need to be.  Maybe the journey was a re-establishment of your original place.  Maybe you needed to be reassured that this is right.  So I have here and I have now, and I best plan to make the most out of now.

The greatest experience I have ever had was There.  I am a kind and honest man, flawed in many ways, but filled with pure virtue.  Tested have I been the last year.  Tested by the forces of Society, I experienced new things and fostered a new understanding of my own personal challenges.  Perhaps that which challenges me is the ultimate liberation.  You really never know though.  Most people have been so manipulated to conform they have lost their inner wisdom.  I on the other extreme, have absolutely no respect for Society.  The truest Magick that exists here, is that we really don't know the truth. 

I'm not the type of person who likes to gamble.  I know a lot of people who do though.  They gamble with their lives, with their finances, with their bodies, with those around them.  I don't like to play games with people.  I'm pretty straight up, if sometimes a little mysterious.  I take so much heat for my trust and care with others.  I am usually a happy, upbeat person.  It is easy when you delight in the corruption all around you.  I take everything serious, when most people live their lives using their illusions.  They gamble because it is socially acceptable to do so.  My gamble is that everyone of them is wrong, and I am right.

When you really think about it, is not living your life with a serious intention to be the best person you can be, really the greatest gamble you can make.  Now society has inlaid traps to overcome this belief.  They are the western religions that are so popular because they are so easy.  I am trying to express this in a positive way.  I studied Marketing.  I have an honors diploma in it.  Truly, to me that is all Religions are, at least the Western ones, Marketing.  I am astounded by all the work that I have put into this site that people still miss this fact.  You drink soft drinks and beer, rather then tea and fruit juices because of Marketing.  They have fostered an artificial demand through corporate mandates.  Our lives are controlled by greedy corporations, empty politicians and power crazed religious institutions.  While, most peoples are at least.

Me.  I'll live the gamble.  You can take your "safe-sex" and super jackpots.  I'll take my green tea and a book about Taoism.  Or maybe about History.  I'll take a chance to change who you are, but at the end of the day, you have to chose.  You.  Chose to study and learn.  Study to crack the walls of Societies lies.  Break free.  Learn.  Knowledge.

There is something to be learned from today's advertising.  Relate it to the past.  It seeks to control and manipulate for someone else's ultimate gain.  At least they believe they gain, but actually greed is simply failure.  The story of Eve eating the apple from the Tree of Knowledge.   Is this truly the message of God, as the Church would lead you to believe?  Perhaps I am missing the message present here, but my message is that Knowledge is what liberates us.  The history of the Bible and the life of Jesus is available for all to understand, yet the simplicity of Religions seem to foster an ignorance of the past.

Where lies the Truth?  What is the value of Knowledge?

Here is my fact for questioning today.  The only time the United States of America "successfully" landed Astronauts on the moon, Richard Nixon was President.  He cut the budgets for all future moon exploration projects. No one came close before, and no one tried it after.  He was in office from 1969-1974, only 5 years.  He resigned over Watergate, before he could be impeached.  In 1990 Japan orbited the moon with the Hiten spacecraft.  They released a smaller probe, but its transmitter failed , preventing further scientific use of the mission.  Almost 18 years latter other countries are putting together plans for unmanned missions to the moon.  There are a large number of skeptics about whether anyone has ever set foot on the moon.

This is the first time I have touched on this subject on Arestao.com.  There have been no end of illicit, unethical, and dishonest revelations about the last two Presidential administrations.  40 years ago we were far less informed.  The point I make is, if the truth of yesterday is dishonest (weapons of mass destruction for instance), and the defining moment of 1969 is, to a certain degree, improbable, how can you live your life based on ideology from 1700 years ago.

300 years after Jesus died the Bible was assembled.  Through the Dark Ages it was edited to enslave us.  A thousand years went by and then the Christian bible began to be changed by rival groups.  Where lies the Truth?  Is their anything left but enslavement?

This has been a very hard time for me.  I try to struggle to help people, to liberate them.  Sometimes I feel so alone.  I feel like Neo sitting here, typing away, just waiting for the white rabbit to show me the way to the hole.  Sadly I think I am trapped in the train station, and I'm not expecting Trinity to show up.  I actually feel very good.  I am satisfied that my gamble is potentially far more rewarding then anything Hollywood could envision.

Nice guys might finish last, but in a race like we run, maybe last is the best place to be. 

 

February 4th, 2008

You breath and oxygen fills your lungs.  You exhale and exchange life with all around you.  This is such a natural process that we take it for granted.  We live in a ecosystem.  We fuel it, It fuels us.  We share life with the world around us, yet we take it for granted.  People live me shaking my head some days.  The lack of appreciation for the natural path.  In our war against our planet, we shall not win.  Little by little we mock the Earth.  I hate to see the response once we have pushed to far.

I appreciate things others don't.  I strive to help others.  This site is a testament to my willingness to grow, to share, to respect.  All over the world people read this.  I sit and type while outside it is -30 centigrade.  I walk to work through blizzards while somewhere someone reads this site baking in the heat.  Europe, Asia, the Americas, the Middle East, Africa.  Someone takes the time to share my thoughts, my hopes for a greater tomorrow.  I hope I touch your conscious living.  I raise my glass of water to you all now.  I toast you with salutations of good will.  I take a deep breath appreciating that all is connected.  Join me in appreciation.

I meet to many people without morals or understanding.  I meet too many shallow people.  Oh well they make me appreciate me that much more.  Oh and you as well my friends.  Step aside from the false ideologies of deceit.  Embrace the pureness of Ideals such as Justice and Gratitude.  Forsake the medias fascination with celebrity and materialism.  Knowledge and understanding are the pathways to Nirvana.

I'm also going to give a big thanks to Alexandra.  Of all the people who have helped me lately, no one has inspired me more then you.  Thank You.

January 30th, 2008

Stand tall with the knowledge that in a world of sleepers, you are awake.  Now I don't get as much Fan mail as I desire, but that being said I thank you for spending sometime on my site and listening to the displaced knight of virtues lost from our consciousness.  Like Neo, as he sits in front of his computer screen looking for...something, we search for knowledge and understanding daily.  What is it that matters?  Will things fill your soul with sustenance on this endless journey.  Do you live for excess?  Awaken the peace of living within our daily games of delusion and malice.

I set forth on a journey that scares me.  Yet within my very nature I know I am right.

It is not about your Things.

It is not about Status.

It is about discovering the inner beauty that lies within our every waking moment.  Nice guys finish last, but within our existence lays an opportunity for failure.  I am righteous and pretentious.  I have an average I.Q. yet a wild wisdom that lets me appreciate the truths that are defiled by the gatekeepers of society.  I will not conform to stereotypical behaviors to please my corporate overlords.  I am not a number.  I am not a man.  I am the parasite within this human vessel.  I am the knowing manipulator of accepted behavior.  I love myself because in a world of posers, I am pure.

I am prepared to fail.  Failure is a measure of society.  To truly be a success I must fail.  I must accept that I fail because I am beyond the parameters of control.  I seek to be with my Princess.  I need to challenge my own understanding of success.

Think about it for a moment.  Who do you seek to please?  Your parents, your boss, Society?  Do you live for the pleasures of the Spirit or the Flesh.  Where is the beauty in that which isn't timeless?  What truly matters is not up to you to decide, it is up to you to discover.  We all serve something.

 

January 28th, 2008

Jump.  Reach out for the brass ring.  Take a chance.

I guess I naturally take chances others fear beyond belief.  I do what I please.  I don't follow convention.  I seek out the light, and find myself surrounded in darkness.  So lets just let it all go.  If I truly follow my New Years resolution of trust, I might just learn something.    There is more to my definition of trust then most people will appreciate.  Faith is simply a spiritual application of trust.

This site is read by people all over the world.  My hits picked up intensity as I wrote about my journey last Summer.  I have embarked on a journey here and I need to explore where it will end.  I did a Tarot reading last year that made me question things.  It brought me hope and made me question everything.  I still question everything.  I still have many questions and await a definitive answer.  I need to look deeply into myself and accept that I am more then a man.  I need to attempt to capture that which has eluded me.  Will I listen to Society or will I follow where the cards have told me to venture.  Or do I follow my heart to somewhere I want to be?

And as prepare to fall, I need to be ready to fall.  This is a journey.  I know who I am.

January 28th, 2008  Part 2

This blog is separate from the previous one, but they are tied together.  I watched Saw 4 the other night.  It was good.  Better then 3, not as good as the first two.  What I like about the series is the idea of living your life with meaning.  These movies are dark and gory, yet they deal with the same ideas I wish everyone had the mentality to deal with.  What is the value of your life?  What truly matters?  The fourth installment deals with idea of trying to help others.  I could quote Buddhist parables if I knew any, but the idea of the movie was that you have to step back and accept that people may fail.  I often try to help people.  I try to give the right information, and show them the way.  I try to be there if they need me.

Somehow I need to realize that some people will always fail.  The movie depicts the stark reality that some people are bad.  Period.  Sometimes very bad things happen no matter how hard you try to support someone.  Accept it.  I hate that part.  I have learned to accept this no matter how sad it makes me.

I stood up in court for someone I cared about a long time ago.  Her lawyer recognized my genuine care and attempted to show her that people do care.  I did all I could.  I accept the fact that, just as in Saw 4, bad things can happen as a result of good intentions.  We live in a sick world.  Our Governments and Spiritual advisors have forsaken us for Greed and Power.  The Lies are our sickness, and our cure is Knowledge and Hope.

I have things no one else can appreciate and lack that which most take for granted.  I don't see anyone trying to help me.  Where is the Light, but within.  But when I simply am, I hear the voice.  I feel the hug.  A reflection of what true Magick is.

How do you help someone?  Forget your silly feel good advice.  If I had a nickel for every time I was told Love would come tomorrow I would be a millionaire by now.  Listen with an open mind.  Talk not with certainty, but with understanding.  We never know what tomorrow may bring.  As bad as things are, sometimes they can get worse.  Accept that life happens and each of us has a different path to take.  Different challenges.  Different rewards.  Respect the Individual.  And remember, sometimes by simply standing still and waiting, you can be the greatest help of all.

 

January 24th, 2008

Things are still good with me.  I was filled with trepidation involving events pertaining to she who seems of the Fae.  The story, or Fairytale, goes that sometimes Fairies steal babies or children and that they replace them with Fairies.  The child is returned to the realm of the Fairies, while the fairy replacement matures in its place.  Now I have always been an overly serious sage like person.  Some people have a complete and total sense of play within their every action.  My friend is one such person.  Thankfully all is well between us right now.  And the future.  Well I think I tried that already.  I guess I'll just wait and see.

People give me a lot of advice.  Someone gave me advice the other day.  It was sad 'cause it was the same advice I remembered receiving 14 years ago.  Sadly little has changed since then, so as much as this advice is well meaning it is also rather empty.  I try to advise people, but I understand that some things work for some, but nothing works for all.  Instead of advice, why don't you try to open up more of a dialog with someone.  Understanding can sometimes benefit from a different non-judgmental view point.

I gave someone advice this week that made me think.  The advice when related back to me would be very upsetting.  Sometimes people aren't really giving people advice, they are just saying letting you know that all you ever have is today.  What tomorrow may bring is unknowable.  Live Today.  Hope for Tomorrow. 

Company Policies I have broken in the last week.  I have been very amused at my ability to manipulate my greedy corporate overlord in the last week.  I have harmed no one and gained much.  I do not openly advise anyone else to violate company policies, but I have enjoyed it.  Go watch Fight Club to understand the insanity of corporate governance.  

 

January 18th, 2008

Prepare for the Worst, but Hope for the Best.  This actually worked well for me yesterday, and today I feel good.  My intuition was good, and things went as I expected, kind of.  The important lesson here was that I was prepared, yet ready for whatever I had to face.  I took measures to build a foundation around me.  I was prepared.  How prepared are you?

How open is your mind?  I was sharing some information about my library of books when I mentioned I had a few second hand books written by Evangelicals about Angels.  Someone with whom I was speaking began to illuminate us with his Christian ideology.  I found the conversation interesting.  He spoke with passion and was obviously very educated in Christian ideology.  I tried several times to disrupt his train of thought with various questions regarding the history of Jesus and the Bible.  His answers were so quick and programmed it was amazing.  He just kept going, even trying to model his sermon into an attack upon my very being.  I was impressed and amused all at once.  He was utterly and totally brainwashed by the Great Book and its significance in our society.  One of my compatriots was amazed with my ability to hold back, but he is already gone.  He has given away his ability to understand the reality behind the Great Storybook.  Some in our world give themselves away to misery through drugs and material vices, others sell their very souls for Storybook of salvation.  Which drug truly is worse?

The Gnostic movement is all about Jesus and living your life with Love and Understanding.  Sadly Constantine poisoned the ideology and wrapped it up in the scrolls of the "one true church".  Sadly all of today's Christians actually worship the book of a powerful dictator then the idea of personal salvation.

For me Salvation is in understanding there is more then there seems.  It is a journey of questioning and challenging the norms of our very being.  And the Angels that began our very conversation yesterday?  Where do they fall in the Cosmic dance?  Were lies the Truth?

 

January 16th, 2008

Change your perception, change your world.  Have a painted myself through the purest intentions into a very bad spot.  I will soon find out.  I hope for the heavens to bless me.  I fear more of the same.  I appreciate the opportunity that lays within it all.  I know all I can do is be who I am and yet who I am is who I am.  Listen to the messages on the winds of life.  Zen.  All I have is right now, all I am is who I am.

I look at the sigil on my left hand and focus upon that which I appreciate.  I need to accept this is what I have.

I need to set up my sleep lab again.  I need to focus on what is real.  What works for me.  Pull all that means something into a tight little ball of magick and love.

I use to do a lot of work with lucid dreaming, but got away from it for a variety of reasons.  My mind needs to go somewhere else for a while.  My focus needs to be recalibrated, and since I spend one third of my life asleep I guess I'll focus on recalibration.  I need to clear those barriers in life that limit me.  I so often project my ideals and beliefs on to others.  Few though share my values.  I need to listen to circumstance and focus on the messages I have been receiving.  I am very thankful for the correspondences I receive from my readers.  They give me the feeling that what I do matters not simple There but right here and right now.  Maybe the fact that I am messed up is a good indicator that I need to focus elsewhere for a while.

I drink a large glass of water and thank the Universe for all I have.  I need to go meditate for a while, but promise I will update soon.  I hope things will go well for me.  Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst.

 

January 10th, 2008

So I sing my song to the forest where the tree never falls.  Silence is Beautiful.  Sometimes I'm too good for my own good.  Sometimes I'm just wrong.  I am a Paradox.  I rub the Sigil on my left hand and hope the magick rings true.  Already I know it does.  I really should focus on perfecting it.  The letters I have used, or should I say the words that came to be, are very complementary.  To create a sigil you take the first letter of each word of your affirmation and make a picture out of them.  Mine is four words, a name and a statement.  The W and M sit one atop each other like the reflection of my intent within the Astral.  The other two letters have very similar strokes that I do not overlap, but could easily do.  I draw the pentacle over the blue letters in red.  I seal the intention, and the understanding and know all is as it should be.

I have many gifts.  I make things happen.  I teach morality and philosophy to any who will listen.  People hurt me because my nature calls them to.  It is not their fault.  It is not my fault.  Anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger, just maybe not in the way you would expect.  And death, it doesn't scare me.  It is as important as is life, a lesson all people should understand.

Up and down I go.  Once again I am where I should be.  I am filled with Trust and with Hope.  I thank those who have had to listen to my blithering diatribe of self expression the last few days.  I thank You beyond the veil and within my heart.  I thank you.

 

January 9 1/2, 2008

I have renewed my website today for another two years.  I have also added two new Tenets to Arestao today.  The way in which my life has become so confused has made me dig deeper into my own understanding of who I am.  I thank those of you who read my site, who share my quest for comprehension and understanding.  I strive for acceptance, but am coming to the conclusion that I must first embrace my own acceptance, rather then seek it externally.  When you have spent your entire life seeking something many people take for granted you can wear away your mind.  The nice thing is for all the damage my mind has taken my heart and soul are purer then ever.  I am very thankful for that.

 

January 9th, 2008

Doing the right thing.  Why do some people have a pure sense of goodness while others are amoral or immoral.  Will I thank my parents for the way I was raised?  Will I thank the universe for making me realize the divine fortune I hold having a deep, deep sense of right and wrong?  Would I wish to trade my life in for one of more carnality?  I seem to be far more emotionally broken having a devote sense of truth and purity.  Perhaps "broken" is simply a perceptual understanding.  Perhaps I have a deeper level of understanding of emotional suffering.  What do you value?

I know that I value ideals or ideas.  Yet I am also extremely vain and conceited.  Now I would argue that I value physical improvement on a spiritual not superficial way.  Your body is the temple of your soul.  You are more then your physical body.  Does the body matter?  Why does beauty matter to us as a people as much as it does?

Why?  I sit here and drink my water, feeding the machine.  I breath in embracing the idea that we are connected with the earth through our every breath.  I seek understanding and question why Love eludes me.  Does it, or am I simply empty to the idea rather then the truth.  I understand the differences between social interaction and being at one with the Universe.  Yet I am unable to sever this connection.  I was told to be wary what I wish for, yet I know what I want with complete clarity.  Sadly it eludes me as wisdom eludes most of those around me.  What I have, others can't comprehend.  Is it this that separates me from them?

I wish I could figure out how to get back to that place where I was before.  It is extremely difficult to be able to open up those doors to There.  Many have, like myself, opened the doorway, but finding the key a second time can be very trying.  All I can do though is focus on what is right.  I need to trust.  I need to focus on the Truth.  I need to be Zen.

Clear the mind.  Drink the water.  Breath in the Truth.  Zen.

 

January 8th, 2008

What I got is what I got.  I had an opportunity to...  Well O.K. I used my power and wisdom to do the right thing.  Life knocked.  I did what I do best and hopefully everything will work out O.K. 

it is funny how I can make stuff happen but fail to achieve that which I truly, truly want.  I think this also says something about where I need to focus my attention.  I have never had any success with the paths I have been trying to walk for the last 9 months.  I don't feel like I got a path to walk on anymore.

Here is some advice for my parapsychology friends, put down the Secret and pick up "The Life you were born to Live", by Dan Millman.  I have had the book for a long time and have found it very telling.  It breaks down your birthday into a Numerology type breakdown that fits me to a T.  The most important aspect of it to me is the focus of creativity.  It seems very weird but has become quite true and very important to my wellbeing.  You see the system identifies areas of personal importance and then asks you to review whether you are representing these key personal areas as positive or negative.  I'm going to lend it to a co-worker at work who has been having, like me, some problems with the Tarot.  Perhaps the Tool is not the problem but the interpreter.

Why did I bring the book up?  I am reminded how far I can fall when I don't focus on the positive aspects of creativity.  I feel I have been too focused on a "Secret" style creativity when in fact I function better when I focus on the reality that only They understand.  "The Secret" is all about the material, where I exist better is the non-Material.  The greatest experience I have ever had happened There and I would like to revisit that.  I still have plenty of opportunity to expand my Material experiences, but maybe I need to travel in two directions at once.

  

January 6th, 2008

I lost a lot of trust in the last year.  My statement is true, but it is more then a statement.  It is a lesson.  What can I walk away with that will help me?  Understanding?  I wish for a purity in my dealings with people.  I realize that this is often impossible.  We are all victims of our own being.  Circumstance and chance can impose their wills upon us in ways we can never overcome.  I need to appreciate the fact that I deal with people more honestly then some.  I can't judge others because they are where the winds have taken them.  I am where I am, my quest is to figure out where to go from here.

New Years Resolution.  I have been thinking about what I want and feel I need to simply work towards my goals.  I have come a long way.  I have learned not to trust this last year.  I have also learned that trust is a valuable resource that I appreciate more then others.  I shall be as trustworthy as possible knowing how valuable this human resource is.

Another resolution is too listen to a daily trance mix before and after work.  I was doing this for a while and noticed a change.  I like to work with programs that mix and layer vocal and music tracks.  I have a lot of special stuff in my collections, but I have never found a commercial mix that could compare with my personal mixes.  I might take something commercial and layer it under my own lyrical contributions.  Sacred Sonic Tools by Iasos is one of my favorite mix elements.  I have just taken some of my favorite mixes, remixed them and converted them to mp3 format.  Now all I have to do is focus myself into listening to it often.  Your mind is the key to everything and if you can influence it through repetitive sound control, so much the better.

A third resolution will be my old favorite, easy to say harder to maintain, drink more water.  I need to keep myself purified and water is a great element to help you understand yourself.  You are water.  Drinking more water will help you from consuming less positive substances.  It will also aid in appetite control and mental wellbeing.

That is all I can write for today.  This blog leaves a lot to be desired but it also opens up a few doors for future consideration. 

Peace and Safety upon You

 

January 3rd, 2008

If you ain't reading this, I probably don't respect you.  If you are then Thank You.  Last year sucked.  I spent too much time with people who failed to recognize my interest in them was a result of their own potential for greatness.  Smile and admit the truth, that your own perfection can only be achieved when you rise above it all.  You are the truth and the beauty of life.  Embrace the strength of your own courage to stand tall and strong.

I need to strive harder not to let my disappointment in others lead me down.  It is truly sad now things ended up, but I need to accept it.  I let people know how I felt.  I represented myself honestly.  I tried to foster assistance with my projects.  I did what I could.  I didn't achieve what I set out too though.  My prayers were only partially answered.

So thank you.  I appreciate the fact that I was able to make a difference in someone's life.  Fuck the results.  Fuck my own bitterness.  I strove to help someone and I achieved my goal.  We achieved my goal.  No, we achieved our goal.  If it was to be more then it is, or was, then so be it.  I can't do more then I did.

So where do I go from here?  I fear the edge.  I want to be strong and happy.  What is the truth?

I'm going to reprint last years blog.  It seems like the best I can hope to express.

If you want to make a change in your life, then you simply do it. If you want to lose weight, quit smoking, stop drinking then all you have to do, is do it. If you can’t, then you problem is not your habit it is your will.

Fuck your superficial vain materialist understanding of life and realize you are weak. Take your "I’m a sinner" Christian martyrdom and accept the choices you make.

In 2008, I shall flex my will in defiance of all that stands before me. My vices are the challenges I shall overcome, to be that which I truly am. I am the Universe’s expression of Divinity. Step by step, I approach greatness.

I do not want to do.  I do.

I act in the moment, appreciating this chance to shine. To overcome adversity. To live strong and free, overwhelming my habits with clear focused action. Habits are unconscious reactions to stress and anxiety. Living with conscious awareness breaks habits. Even positive habits can be destructive. Ask anyone with a compulsive disorder.

Conscious action. Mindfulness. Appreciation.

Think. Act. React with understanding. Make plans and follow them out. Appreciate failures and strive forward. Perfection is a never-ending quest.

I need to hope for more, but accept that which circumstance and chance bring before me.  This isn't a resolution but a statement of claim. an understanding of what is.

 

January 2nd, 2008

Where do I go from here?  Where do you go?  Everyone has their own personal path to follow.  Where I chose to go probably isn't appropriate for others.

Be truthful.  Display integrity and virtue through your every action.  Be in the moment.  The worst part of the last year is the total lack of integrity that I have witnessed from people.  The twisted truths and silent games.  It is funny how often people feel that they can't be honest with me.  They can't justify their behaviors to a self-righteous rational being.  Their own failings cause them to recoil from me like a vampire from a cross.  They scoff back at my overly serious nature, my non-stop morality.  Everything becomes my fault, because in truth I am the social misfit.  I have patience for social games true, but I am always aware of them.  I don't challenge liars, I simply wait for their own failure, and then attempt to illuminate them.  Have I failed completely in my pursuits.  No.

I will take comfort in the successes that I have enjoyed in the past year.  They have never resulted in my own desires being fulfilled, but I do believe my altruistic prayers where heard beyond the veil.

All I ask of you who visit me here is to deal with people truthfully.  This isn't always easy, but it is the right thing to do isn't it.  Honesty.  Things change, just help others understand when your thinking has changed.  Explain things if they ask.  When things don't make sense it is very hard to understand though.  sadly I think I have a much better grasp on why people do the things they do, then the people who do things.  "Why do good people do bad things", is the name of a book that caught my attention this past year.  I look at it another way, "Why do good people allow bad people to survive."

I rarely delve deep enough here to get to the truth of my own ideologies, but quite simply there is no excuse for bad things.  Bad things are as often a result of social ignorance and apathy as much as individual failings.  What is the answer.  Sadly I am a person who has more passion for justice then for passion.  I appreciate ideals far more then most, for I see ideals as the pillars of Transcendence.

I rarely hold back from saying what I want too.  Perhaps you might enjoy a New Years Resolution of being more open and honest with people.  Be warned this isn't easy, but definitely an interesting challenge. 

 

December 31st, 2008

Respect yourself.  Respect who you are.  Respect ideas that are out of the ordinary.  Listen and learn.  Study what brings you happiness and embrace it.  Be true to you.

My advice is meant for those who visit my site regularly.  Respect is an idea that seems so clear to some yet alien to others.  Morality is important to me.  Morals seem paramount to self respect.  It is hard sometimes to deal with things in life.  Everybody faces different obstacles in life and each of us ends up being fractured by our own personal being.  Things happen and we deal with things.  I deal with my problems in ways that are different from how other people deal with things.  I am different.  You are different.  Everyone is an individual.  Cherish that.

I meet people that have caused me a lot of pain the last year.  I know what brings me joy.  I respect the fact that things that should be easy are actually very difficult.  I respect the fact that for some people it is very difficult to be my friend.  We live in a complicated world, and sometimes being uncomplicated is actually scary.  It is also liberating.  It can also be confining.  Everything is a matter of perception.

Life is a puzzle.  Sometimes the puzzle is missing a few pieces.  You can put it together but it will never be complete.  Sometimes puzzles go together fast and produce an image that is timeless.  Sometimes you'll get a crossword puzzle, but it seem to be in a language you don't know.  Life is a puzzle.

I will have a New Years resolution blog sometime this week.  Right now all I got is happy feelings for the little embraces of joy people gave to me this week.  The nice thing about having little, is sometimes a little means a whole lot.  Thanks.

 

December 29th, 2007

Positivity.  This idea is actually a perception.  Adapting a positive out look to a negative event is a great thing to do.  It is also more about perception then reality.  Zen would teach us that events simply happen and that we overly associate our present with the events of the past.

It is a time of gifts and treats.  I appreciate the fact that I see the value of higher ideals.  Material items are simply the tools of mankind.  Expressions of our creativity.  I am not defined by them, nor should you be.  A house is shelter from the elements.  A car is a means of transportation.  The clothes we wear reflect our own personal style, as well as protecting us from the elements.  There is also our own concept of modesty.  My point is, your things are tools, use them.  Let your intellect and spirit shape your perception of who you are, not your things.

I have a great many questions about life, relationships, and society.  I try to be someone who I am not in an attempt to fit in.  I am very serious.  People don't like that.  I was discussing social conditioning today and one lady brought up the idea that people like to behave in ways that make them fit in and that are easy.  I have absolutely no idea how humanity has managed to be so brainwashed by social condition that the identity of the individual has become so unvalued.  You are often measured by society in terms of social conditioning.  I suppose if I were not immune to it, I wouldn't find it so objectionable.  Why though am I immune to it?

December 24th, 2007

When I make my list for Santa I definitely don't have any material things on it.  I wish for insight and understanding.  More then anything else that is what I wish for right now.  I am an open person.  I got a blog where I talk about subjects that most people can't comprehend.  I meet people who live with their own vagueness, hiding their true natures in deceit.  I meet others, who like myself can't understand the madness that others perfect.

What more can I say here.  I embrace my situation, realizing what I want and what I have are miles away.  What I want seems so alien, yet it is the norm.  Meanwhile my existence would be described as insanity except I am the most rational person you will ever meet.  A Paradox.

This is a very Bizarre Christmas blog.  Then again, as we enter the Full moon, just after passing the winter solstice, what is more Bizarre then worshipping false Gods.  Meanwhile, I contemplate whether I am within a third act, or whether I am enveloped by something else.  What I appreciate is my own understanding.  I appreciate that lunacy is actually clarity.  Everything is Perception.

So Santa, please bring me some Insight and Understanding.  Ya right.  I always get what I need, never what I want.

 

December 21st, 2007

Escape from the idea of linear progression. I received a message from one of my favorite readers. It reminded me of where I was when I started this site and what it was created for. It is at it’s heart and soul about Transcendence. Overcoming all obstacles that prevent you from being not a better person, but a greater soul. The parasite with the machine is often neglected. We feed our senses, but what do we end up feeding our souls?

We have lots of different paths to follow, but maybe the journey isn’t meant to lead to a pot of gold. Maybe, just maybe, the true path leads to an empty room. Maybe the idea is to free yourself from all distractions, to live in the moment filled with bliss, separated from all around you.

Then again, maybe not. Maybe each and every person has a different outcome. Maybe some of us are more then others. This is a Gnostic idea that is unlike most conventional religious ideology. Most religions teach that all people are equal. What if this is simply a naive assumption. Perhaps you question more, because you are more. People and society frustrate you, simply because you are, at your very core, beyond it.

Then again maybe all these concepts are wrong. The truth is we do not know. And that is also the point I am trying to make. We believe in linear progression, but that is simply our understanding of the material realm. The scientific community and new age movement are both embracing the idea behind quantum physics. We need to look beyond simple understandings of everything. Religious and Social models are based simply on linear consequences.

Too often people see bad people go unpunished and good people living in perpetual misery. We need to understand that our awareness is human, and therefore very limited. When I speak of consequence I add, "in this world or the next." Even that is linear. Our place in the Universe limits our understanding. We are trapped to a certain degree by time, but there is much more to "reality" then time and space can qualify.

Basically it comes down to this, deal with things. Change what you can. Express virtue for its own sake, because it is what you are. Rewards come to us in ways we can not comprehend, and sometimes the things that hurt us the most are those things that cause us to truly grow. Overcome the missed opportunities of others. Experience and Appreciate all you can.

At this time of greed and twisted ideology, embrace the positivity that truly matters. The smiles of children. The repetitive banter of those aged and addled. Act with kindness and moderation, appreciating the nuances of the sublime. Embrace the energies of cheer and goodwill, while embracing the appreciation that the holiday season should truly be about. Attack and illuminate the religious ignorance of this time, but do so under the guise of a pagan mischief guide. Be well, and cherish that which you have within you.

 

December 19th, 2007

I am trying to write this blog with a different focus. Most of my writing happens very spontaneously. I am presently astounded by the sheep-like behavior from people around me. I am always astounded that people think like they do, that they are so deeply programmed by society not to break from their corporate shackles. People seem to have little problem violating traffic rules but are unable to rebel at corporate greed. Oh well. I cut my chains long ago.

My calling today, and my teaching to you, is to simply step away. Refocus who you are, and what is truly important. My blog today is mindfully twisted to my own fascination of the occult and seasonal motivated.

Do you believe in the Fae? Christmas is, in part, a celebration of illusions. Santa and his reindeer. His army of loyal elves. A magickal silk hat that transforms Frosty. I have, since beginning the Arestao project, always focused on the religious illusions of this time of year. I decided to focus on the idea that we enjoy Myths that we all know to be fictional.

There will be a great many youngsters who the merry Fat Man won’t be visiting because they live in poverty and despair. Many areas have programs that donate toys that are then given to the disadvantaged. Through circumstance many who’s parents have neglected their well-being are given mild joy through the generosity of others. I wonder how these acts influence the lives of these families. Is there a little Magick within this process?

Is there more within our lives then we truly understand? Is there a non-linear connection between the play of caring humans, and the idea of magickal elves and animated snowmen. Is there an invisible connection between our fairy tales and our actions of purity? More importantly if you are open to the idea of a connection are you more able to experience it?

Zen is focusing in on the moment. When we focus on something it changes the way it is perceived.

We seem to delight in the colored lights and merry music of this holiday. We delight in our myths of seasonal magick. When we consider why, do we understand that perhaps there is more to it then simple silliness. We know these are stories of illusions, yet we are drawn to them. Is there a seed within our very being that realizes more then what there is? What do the elves and magick man truly represent? Do they reflect the simple nature of humanity to embrace utter nonsense? Do they reflect our true natures? As you wait in line or drive somewhere, spend 3 minutes and ask yourself what it is about these stories that enchant you. Childhood reflections? Perhaps. All I ask is for you to ask Why?

I have another blog finished that I think is very important. This blog was written simply out of necessity. Necessity to who or what or why? Not for me to say. Maybe it will mean more to you, or more to them, then I can truly understand.

 

December 12th, 2007

I meet very, very few people who impress me. I meet people with titles and careers that some would respect, simply based on their place in society. Last night I got to have dinner with one of the very few people that I have ever met that impresses me. Ideology and intellect is such a truer reflection of wealth then beauty, money, or fame. A wealth of being. The true Gold of the Soul. I’ve met a lot of people in my life that I have learned things from. I have learned to watch, to study and to emulate their successes. Sadly, we are limited by our own beings. My strength is not in seeing through Societies illusions; my weakness is in not seeing the illusions. That is also a strength, but it leaves me unable to interact positively with Society.

I am a spiritual being. That is my strength as a being and my failing as a citizen of the Here and Now. My friend last night is completely at ease in the Material, where as I always feel uneasy here. Now I definitely respect different things in life, for right or for wrong. It was very pleasant to be able to converse with one of the very rare individuals who appreciate all the silly little games we play.  We both shared our notion that rational understanding often depresses the uninformed.  We didn't seem to depress the rest of the group to badly though.  I like to live life with a switchblade smile anyways.  I probably should try to be more uniting and less viciously educational.

Surrounding yourself with intellects is probably a good idea. Sadly many educated individuals quickly sell-out their virtues for monetary rewards. And too many with purely intellectual natures, don’t amount to much. The goal is to find the right mix. It is hard to find though. I brought up my idea that the populace is so entranced with the superficial. Television hasn’t become an idiot box as it originally was dubbed, but it defiantly has imprisoned a lot of people. My house is being remodeled and my extremely talented contractors are preparing my place to reflect their own, complete with access to a TV in every room. It is hard to lead a revolution, when the populace is memorized. I brought up the question of where will we be 15 years from now?

Does your life liberate you or imprison you? Do your things bring you Joy or do they enslave you. Go check out Fight Club for the answers to this one. Ikea as the great overlord of consumerism. It is far more complicated then that though.

But what is the alternative? Freedom also has a price tag on it to. There is no Answer, simply many questions. Question everything.

 

December 11th, 2007

I ask myself the same question that I asked yesterday.  The question brings me deeper into something else.  The puzzle of fate and of circumstance.  And the deeper I crawl into the hole looking for the answer, the further I get from where I wanted to be.  I own only one Disney movie.  And it is the tale of the girl who goes down the rabbit hole.  The further you go, the deeper it all gets.

So I am deep.  Why then are most people so simple?  To a certain degree I believe it is biological.  That being said, your biology is simply another strike of fate.  You really can't control biology, even though the medical field is as involved with biological manipulation as it is with real healing.  I also like to try to overcome biology with my super collection of supplements.  Biology is a factor of life.  Genetics are just that.  And playing God?  Well maybe that is the answer.

Or maybe not.  What do I know?

Another aspect that you would find is that there really isn't a large correlation between wealth and simplicity.  I meet a lot of deep people with little education or wealth, and our society has multiplical examples of politicians, businessmen, and heiresses who are simple.  They lack wisdom.  They live in a Zen way.  They live for today, ignorant of the waves that their selfish acts create.  Immoral or amoral.  It is very easy for some very bad people to be very Zen.  The effect of conscious is a huge factor when dealing with life Zen.

So, Zen isn't the ultimate answer either.  I came up with this understanding earlier today when reading the Kundalini lessons.  The idea of focusing on the self because that is all you control is a great idea, but only when applied to a good person with virtue in their hearts.  This is another classic example of the Power of Christianity.  Believing that Jesus died for your Sins is really a lot easier to live then any deeper pursuits.  And Zen is easiest if you live in a Temple.  The hard part is giving away your stuff.

   

December 10th, 2007

What matters?  Right now I'm drinking a big glass of water.  I'm focusing on the here and now.  I'm feeling the sense of something more.  I am accepting the way things are, and still hoping for something greater.  I feel the soreness in my muscles and the peace within my heart.  I wish I could hold on to this feeling, but that is easier said then done.

I hope you have checked out the Kundalini website from my December 6th blog entry.  It is very insightful and helpful.  And that is what I try to be, insightful and helpful.  I try but wisdom is not always something that can be taught.  It actually seems to naturally elude some people.  It can also be very annoying.

Do you ever chase after something that you really don't need?  I see our Society as continually looking for something to satisfy the cravings that it creates.  I sit here and worry that if I don't focus on what I want that it will pass me by.  I could just as easily focus on what I need, rather then what I want.  It is all a matter of perception.

As I reflect, both focuses have yielded the same results.  It was important that I focused on my wants though.  I would always have questioned it if I had not.  I need to overcome my anger.  Once again easier said then done.  Where have I always found Love and Happiness.  Where does my Love exist?  Oh, I 'm going to step back from this steam of consciousness right now.

Who is the biggest loser in the Presidential Campaigns so far?  It is funny how pathetic some of the candidates have looked lately.  Maybe Obama can spin the power of Oprah into voter gold.  At least the next leader of the free world will have some pretty small shoes to fill.

 

December 7th, 2007

I like Winter.  Well as long as it is sunny.  It was about 7degrees today, or -13 centigrade.  I didn't see a lot of people outside with me.  A few joggers all wrapped up.  Me I loved watching the unfrozen parts of the river.  The water fighting against the freezing air.  The snow flickering with prismatic elegance.  White hares running for cover.  The other really nice thing is I didn't see any homeless people.  They must all have found jobs and changed there lives for the better.  I'm am so proud of them.

I'm still working on my Zenness though.  I did my nature trek, which might have had some un-Zenness to it though.  Worked Out, Meditated, did some Yoga.  I have a little piece with the Kundalini Mantra on it.  Just like life, it has a lot of depth to it.  And some fairies too.  Just reflecting on that aspect of it brings out my bitterness.  Not at the Fairies though, but at her.  I have been trying to overcome my personal madness, but I do need to focus harder.  I need to maintain you I am, while accepting my lack of acceptance.  It completely sucks, but you find you have no choice.  You can change a lot of things in life, but you shouldn't have to compromise that which makes you special.

I did find myself having to switch off some music today.  The song was to sappy and it was getting to me.  I'm playing some Motorhead right now.  It is so much more calming to my constitution then a pathetic Good Charlotte song.  You really need to understand the difference between Pop-punk like Good Charlotte and Punk-pop like Green Day.

Much thanks to my readership.  November was my greatest month so far, in terms of Web hits.  It was really awesome after the awful two months before that.  I'm sure December will be weaker, but hopefully my site will help you come up with resolutions for the year ahead.  I did well with my be less Materialist resolution from last year.  I'm already thinking about what's next.  I definitely need something to contemplate about.  Maybe I should (this comment has been edited from this site.  Vicious personal commentary, while it might be funny, isn't very Zen.)

 

December 6th, 2007

Zen.  I need to find my center again.  I sadly drift too far in search of all that eludes me.  Am I a failure?  Yes, but less so then Jesus, so what the hell.  I have a bit of a Messiah complex.  I suppose that ain't my worst characteristic.  It is very Gnostic.  And admitting I am a failure is probably good for me as well.

Being Zen can help me realize that my failings are done and gone.  It can help you as well.  What is done is done.  By realizing all you truly have is now is very liberating.  It is still difficult to focus past disappointment and suffering, but if you are here and now then this is what you need to do to overcome ghosts of the past and specters of tomorrow.  What do I need to do to awaken my Zenness?  I breath deep, practice assorted Yoga breathing techniques.

This site is about becoming a better you.  Learning to understand the illusions and deceit and gaining the poise and balance to stand tall in a world of shadows.  There can be no shadows without light.  You can be the light.  The brighter the light the further out the shadows will be.  My site is also not about teaching methodology as it is about examining why you need techniques to overcome the shadows.  If you want to focus on being a better you check out www.kundaliniyoga.org  The site has lessons and instruction and is very simple and complete.

 I am also reading "Magick of Reiki" by Christopher Penczak.  Now I must say the book is very well written and interesting.  In fact the simple writing makes me question my own biases, and this is a good thing.  The book deals with many interesting topics;  healing, energy, detachment, the power of symbols.  The ideas involving intent and detachment for outcome are very useful when trying to adopt a Zen mindset.  It is also similar to a lot of the ideas involving Kundalini Yoga.

And so then I reflect upon my failure.  Shattered ideas and understanding, yet I still sit here and type away.  My focus has been completely refocused, yet I truly do feel much weaker.  I had an intent and I did my best to bring it to fruition.  This is one of those rare examples of "that which does not kill us makes us stronger" failing.  I await further enlightenment, but sadly I have found myself without a path.  This is based on understandings presented in my Summertime blogs.

I have no path.  That sounds almost sad, but in fact it is simply a perceptual judgment.  I have a parable here.  The man walked away from the city looking for that which has always eluded him.  He follows a path through the woods, that abruptly ends.  Another path is near by and it leads the man into a far more  pleasant path.  Sadly that path quickly goes down hill.  The man slips and rolls downward.  He is not hurt but bumbles forward looking for a path to call his own.  He is lost and confused, angry and alone.  He stops.  He hears birds, wild life.  The wind through the trees.  He sees berries in the bush, nuts.  He steps forward hearing a stream running through the forest.  A waterfall is before him, with the sun high overhead illuminating the forest with a light, unseen by most of the world.  He stops, realizing this is where those paths have taken him.  It was his choice to venture forth.  His intention was clear.  The path took him somewhere else.  He is no longer on a path.  There is no linear direction.  There simply is a spot of peace and knowing.  He has sweet berries to eat, wildlife to see.  Spirits seem closer here to.  Almost as if he where on a fairy mound.  He feels the grass, smells the flowers.  This is Zen.  He sees tall trees and the high hills around the waterfall.  There is no path; the forest is all around and here is nothing else.  His venturing led him here.  Here is where he is.  Zen.

There is no Here.  There is no There.  All is but One.

Failure is simply not obtaining that what you intended too.  Perhaps failure is a blessing.

December 5th, 2007

Transcendence.

We live in a Christian world filled with ideas formulated by the Catholic Church, mutated and manipulated into the other branches of Christianity.  It seems that simply believing that you are a Sinner and that Jesus died for your sins is to them, Transcendence.  Yet the Story of Jesus is actually about true Transcendence.  He questioned authority.  So did Satan.  They both suffered for their lack of obedience.  And yet they had something most do not, freedom.  Jesus didn't run and hide.  He accepted his fate with an understanding of a broader picture.  From a Gnostic point of view, Jesus realized he was here, but that he was more then that which was here.  Satan also had a broader understanding of life.  He rejected Gods iron will.  He felt within himself a different calling.  He had a third of Gods army behind him.  The story tells of his Dark power, the result of his obedience to his calling.

All you can do in life is look into your heart and try to overcome that which limits you.  Jesus and Satan both had an advantage that we do not.  They had no understanding of what should be.  Jesus realized he was more then this life we have here.  Christians will tell you that was because he was a special Son of God.  The Gnostic texts of Mary and Thomas speak of Jesus having an understanding that we all are more then what we are here.

I hate to fail.  I also need to remember that failure is a perceptual idea.

Do you think that Jesus feels as though he was a failure?  From a rational context the answer would seem to be Yes.  Jesus preached a higher standard for all of us.  The special nature of our being is to overcome and transcend that which limits us.  His work was manipulated into a code of deception and oppression.

So every time you fail, every time things don't go your way, even though you did everything right remember the legacy of Jesus.  Jesus the human being, the teacher, the healer.  Sometimes we need to fail, and some times failure simply is.  Transcendence is the understanding that there is more to life then winning and losing. 

Experience and Appreciation.

December 4th, 2007

I seek inner peace.  I realize things others fail to see.  The obvious.  I see things beyond visual observation.  I feel things with certainty.  I am a serious type of person.  I like things to be rational.  Circumstance makes an understanding of the Occult reasonable.  It is easy for me to serious yet I have a hard time appreciating the consequences of this understanding.

So you deal with it.  Deal with what?  Deal with that that offends you.  I could list a thousand obstacles that stand in the way of acceptance.  The paraplegic who lived life free and easy until the day the drunk driver changed everything.  The mother dying of Cancer as her family watches and struggle onward.  You deal with it.  The mother dying of AIDS in Africa.  The family watching their home burn to the ground.  You deal with it.

Now my question today is why is my focus on Life, on a struggling people doomed to mediocrity, and their on their Television set, glowing in the dark of night.

What truly matters, and why does it seem so much better when you lose yourself to the illusion?

December 3rd, 2007

Oh Lord, why do you punish me so? It is Sunday. A day of reflection, of peace. I simply want to watch some football and I am forced to watch these commercials for network TV shows. How do people live without cable or satellite. Like seriously, how can people watch this stuff. O.K. my love for over-paid, over-hype football is probably not the most enlightened way you can focus your energies, but seriously who watches this stuff? I watch a lot of sports, documentaries, news and movies. I feel alien as people talk about their television watching. How can this be?

We live in a world of lies and material delusions? Oh yes I forgot. Wow.

Oh well, my life is corrupted by Satan anyways. You see I was checking out Christian propaganda and I find out Satan has already taken over my soul. You see I like Metal music. And I just don’t listen to Kiss and Metallica, no I like the dark stuff. Cradle of Filth, Danzig, Korn, Motorhead, Slipknot. I am lost to the wishes of the dark lord, so please pray for me to realize that the story of Jesus is not a historical chronicle of greed and oppression, but my only salvation. Oh lord let me be free from Network TV and the music of the Great Beast.

Seriously now, what can be learned from that which seduces us? People flock to network TV. They love it. They live for it. Why? What does it say about them? Has their very being been sucked dry by banality? Is there no hope for them?

And me, with my love of strategically violent overly-hyped pro-football, what does it say about me? And my love of music that is bizarre and filled with dark references. Oh yes.

 

November 30th, 2007

Whispers in the wind. Things happen sometimes that seem wrong, but what is right is learning how to deal with them. Is it a unfair twist of fate, or a message from beyond to open up your mind to higher purpose? I have a friend who totally becomes over whelmed by the most minor ripples of life. I must say I once was there. I have built up my being with understanding and self-righteous conceit and am now more able to handle the weakness that we must wallow in everyday. We are an intellectually weak society. We have traded our divinity for an idea that we have less then we should be. The Catholic Church has managed to twist the true message of Oneness, into a world consumed by a fictional enemy.

Satan. Never an Angel, but an idea to consume our spirits. An invention of the Catholic Church designed to weaken humanity, in order to control it. The multitude of names to the dark lord are simply the result of the way in which he was built. A story from here, and a reflection from there all wrapped together in the Definitive Collection from the crumbling Roman Empire. All the texts reflecting Gnostic faith were deemed as Heresy by this Governing body who went unchallenged for the next 1000 years. And by then it was already too late.

"Let’s rework the Lie". The last seven hundred years has been this lunacy. The obvious immorality of the Catholic Faith has broken Christianity off into a multitude of other branches of religion. They are all "Right", but then who is wrong? Why the need for division if they follow Jesus’s teachings? Were the teachings of Jesus that complicated? Why the hatred against Homosexuals and Witches? The bible with it’s thousands of versions and lines of text only have minimal references to sorcery and sodomy. There are far more references to materialism as a sin, yet I don’t see the Vatican giving up their Gold or the Evangelicals giving up their Cadillacs. They all just reworking a lie.

Now as much as I love studying Chakras and the Kabbalah, I also enjoy reading Christian propaganda. If you’re having a bad day and want to take your mind off of stuff, check this site out. Jesus-is-savior.com  The site is awesome. It explores the interesting sickness of Society, but ignorantly follows the Catholic ideology that we are saved only through belief in Jesus as our Savior. How can this site expose all the lunacy of our world and yet embrace the idea at the heart of the lunacy? It amuses me to my core and takes my mind off all those who fail to embrace their own divinity with respect and love.

I sent the dude an E-mail hoping he adds a study of the history of the creation of the Bible to his site. Its funny how everything is the work of Satan but they don’t want to ever discuss Constantine the Great. Right up there with Hitler in responsible for innocent deaths category, but nobody wants to go there. Except for me ‘cause I’m so crazy cool. Life is full of trade offs. Appreciate yours as I appreciate mine.

 

November 21st, 2007

As much as this might seem difficult for people to believe, I always try to focus on the positive in life.  I have been focused lately on various projects and am thankful for all the opportunities that we have available to us.  As I legally download a variety of interesting and useful bits of pleasantness, I am thankful I live in a land where these riches flourish.  The repressive laws of Australia do not curtail my personal development on this, the other side of the world.  As I breath deep and smell the aromatherapy oils I appreciate the fortune to which I have earned through simply being me.  Sometimes I forget that my fortune is a product of my own failings as a hesitant participant in our mixed up and dysfunctional world.  It is hardly a surprise to be "cursed" when you question the validity of Society.

I focus on my own enrichment once again.   Well maybe focus is not quite right, but I'm far more focused then I have been lately.  I wish I had more time to study and be though. 

November 19th, 2007

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog, visits my website, and lets the toxins of my verbiage disrupt the programming of your minds.  My traffic is back up to the levels it was in the summer, and I appreciate our time together.  I have been collecting a whole mess of new Photoshop brushes so I will hopefully have some new art very soon.  I have a piece called the Window, that I will soon feature.  I'm not the type of artist who plans out there pieces.  I sometimes have an idea, but more often then not I have an element that I try to turn into Art.  The Window is a piece about the separation between Here and There.  I guess I'm able to appreciate this separation more then most.

I just saw a trailer for the new movie "Hitman" based on the video game.  I've never played the game, but the movie looks cool.  I like the visual aspects of movies.  Cool special effects are usually wasted on me.  I like static imagery rather then manic action.

I'm going to go get another protein shake and turn on one of my meditation tracks.  I will have the new art up this week and probably a Thanksgiving blog as well.

November 15th, 2007

I'm always at my best when I live with the spirit of the Edge.  Balance.  True hate is probably an essential characteristic to master if you are ever to appreciate true Love.  Now you can only agree with me on this if you agree with my hypothesis that to truly Love, you need to be able to truly Hate.

Now, most spirituality texts will teach you that Hate is bad.  Hate is the focused rage of understanding towards ignorance.  We as a Society are ignorant.  We as individuals need to have a focused hatred of that ignorance in order to overcome it.  Knowledge, passion, anger; they all have their places.  I also worship dark gods, Gods of Justice and Might, and Love.

I start a lot of my blogs one day and finish them the next, so often they are unfocused.  I've just got some new books and the first thing the author discussed was a students fear of demonic possession during meditation.  Now I walk with the Angels at the worst of times so demonic possession doesn't worry me.  An interesting discussion comes about when you look at the fact that some religions believe demons where former servants in Gods army.  Who really is to say that that an Angel isn't a Demon?  What is nefarious and what is divine?  Who is too say a mentally deranged person couldn't actually be help by a Angel of Light.  I read an evangelical book before that spoke of "Angels of Light" as negative entities that lure us away from the pure and holy text of the Bible.  That author believed that any human interaction with Angels was wrong.  He, as I do, completely believed in the idea that the Angels can communicate with us.  We just disagree with the outcome of dealings with such entities.  Now, why do some people attract negative entities to them, and others attract positive influences?

Perception?  Luck?  I like to explore the questions the contemporary Witch never would.  Too many Witches live with fear, I live with focused contempt.  Some people get screwed over in life in ways that are unfair.  Their very being is crippled by events that they are unable to stop.  Some are neglected as children and grow up missing something.  Other people simply are in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Simple fate dooms them.  Every book I read tries to make things simple, but life ain't simple for all of us.  That old bastard Fate can weave some pretty wicked Mojo that can destroy the purest of souls.  It's actually pretty interesting when you think about the power that chance has over us.

Now maybe it ain't chance.  Maybe it's Devine intervention.  I think it is all far more complicated then any of us will ever be able to understand.  All we got is the ability to be thankful for the curses that leads us to events that may liberate us.  Gratitude and Experience.  Consciousness and Energy.

And Me.  I'll express resentful gratitude that I seem to not really be here, freed from the darkness so many embrace as life.  I'll just hold on to my hatred of that which should not be.  I'll hate the parents that fail to protect their children from dread and horror.  I'll hate our Society of Laws, emptied of Justice.  Ill hate those who sell their souls freely for cash, ignorant and filled with greed and gluttony.  I'll hate with all my heart, 'cause Hate brings me joy.  And the more I Hate, the more I feel true Love, the Love beyond here.

"I think a healthier way to look at polarity is in the yin/yang symbol.  In each side, the seed of the opposite is contained.  A balance must be struck between pairs to find the peaceful center."                                                      - Christopher Penczak, from the Mystic Foundation

There can be no understanding of real Love without understanding of true Hate

Interestingly, I love Hate, but I don't hate Love

 

November 13th, 2007

I'm at a loss to figure out how to can change my perception.  Someone helped me with something that I thought was positive, but it has left me with a hopeless sense.  I know I simply need to run the rails of Time for awhile, but simply put I am very, very tired.

Time.  This in itself is an interesting aspect of life.  As I search for answers I ride forward on a linear expression of existence.  You can not go backwards.   Forward in itself is an illusion of time.  Time simply is now.  Wow.  Now, feels even more bleak.  Maybe Zen isn't the way to go.  There is no Hope to Zen.  Zen simply is.  Hope is tomorrow.  They do not peacefully co-exist.

Now there is a lot of good things about my current perceptual center.  Minute things simply do not matter.  I have a complete and total focus on the big picture.  Where is the process going, that is my question?  Do I have something that no one else can comprehend?  No, this gift of existence is rare but not that rare.  Appreciate that which I have.  Focus it into a concise thought.  Give thanks for that which I despise.

Is this my answer?  Embrace this personal feeling of hate, and love it with all you are.  I guess this is the best I got right now.  Philosophically it is pretty cool.  Very Arestao like with it's own sense of Paradoxical Spirituality.

Embrace this feeling of Hate, and Love it with all you Are.  Every curse has the potential to be a blessing.  The tea I have been drink suddenly tastes so much better.  Interesting.

November 12th, 2007

Patterns of Life.  How is that as much as things change they simply stay the same.

Inertia holds us still.  If only the Secret was true; thankfully Magick is far more complicated.

Random Thoughts.  Scattered Dreams.  Endless Screams.  What all does it mean?

I'm typing by candle light and listening to some Black Label Society today.  I wish it would take me away to another dimension.  Maybe I'm already there.  I really don't have any answers today.  I don't even have a lot of questions.  I'm stuck with the facts that I know are true.  I am consciousness and energy, a spiritual being in a world of seemingly material existence.  I do have a difficult time existing here.  I know everything we have is wrong.  It is pure sickness that poisons us all.  Our laws are simply Religious beliefs framed as perseverance.  We value Law over Justice.  We prop up the weak and let the wicked rule.  We paint those who would cleanse the world as evil.

And maybe that is just the answer.  The further we push our natural world the more we risk our own genocide.  What will happen when we step over the point, the point of no return?  Does it matter.  Not once we get there, and it's probably too late to turn back.  At least I think it is.  We hunger too much for Oil.  The more the world blossoms the more it dies.  Another Paradox.  Globalization may prove to be our undoing.

Hey maybe I'm too harsh today.  then again maybe it is to late.  Maybe I'm ranting about the Macro cause I'm really pissed about the Micro.  Maybe none of this matters.  Maybe it all matters. 

November 7th, 2007

Trust.  I had a conversation with someone today about a concern for oversight into a program where people make up care packages for children in the third world.  He was concerned people would be sending items of an inappropriate nature to these children.  WOW.  These children live in poverty with little clean water and limited food.  I shock my head that we have become so jaded we worry about the pathetic deviants that we fail to deal with in our modern lands, that we would think of that in a situation like this.  We are pathetic.  Now I quickly turned our discussion into a more positive discussion of how we should operate with more prudence and justice and actively "work" with people who have demonstrated an inability to deal with the sickness in their heads.  Yes, we need to focus the will of Ares into a "positive" understanding of those who pray on the weak.  The disappointing aspect for me is the complete lack of trust that we foster in North America.

I am a very trusting person.  I am also blessed and cursed by the factors that govern my life.  I have no fear 'cause I walk with higher beings, but trust me, the negative aspects of such often cancel out the positive, from a perception aspect.  She who seemed of the Fae often mocked my trusting nature.  I believe in the value of a life well lived and my trust is key to my faith.  I am often astounded by the deceitful and ignorant nature of so many.  Some people, like my friend I no longer see, I accept and understand their conflicts with trust.  I respect those who haven't had much reason to trust, and always wish them well.  Other people simply make me sick.

I guess I got blind faith, and the experiences to back them up.  Maybe that in itself is the story here.  My experiences and nature make me able to readily accept trust.  I offer it, and wait to find it violated before I walk away.  The problem really does come down to what we discussed this morning, our societies lack of swift and stern judgment fosters a world of ignorance and mistrust.

So, speak out against injustice.  Speak out against our lack of Justice.  Don't vote for untrustworthy people, Hillary and Rudolf, even though they are effective administrators.  They both have long track records of being reckless with Honesty and Integrity.  Give your vote to she or he with the most moral character and biggest heart.  Trust in the persons character and know that decisions should be made upon the merit of one's principles.  Government needs to to about moral governance not about politics.  Until we have the courage to make tough choices we will continue to live in a world of deceit.

What is a tough choice?  What is Justice?  This is an idea you need to ask yourself.  I know what I believe, but that is me.  This website isn't about me or my ideology.  This website is about having you ask yourself the questions.  Most people just do as they're told.  I don't blindly follow.  Neither should you.  Change your perception, change your world. 

 

November 3rd, 2007

I was reading about the flooding in Mexico and the fires in California and it made me reflect upon the program I watched on TV. last night. It was about the extremely active evangelical movement in the United States and there collective belief in the Rapture. I smile and wonder what will happen to these peoples souls when the end of the world comes, and Jesus doesn’t show up to save them. The program highlighted the movements lack of interest in long term global matters and their mindless focus on the prophesies involving Israel and the Jewish nation. It is interesting how since the rebuilding after World War Two, that western religions have become so contaminated by Zealots and Fanatics. The eastern Religions haven’t mutated like this. The pandemic spread of western Fundamentalism throughout the entire world is also troubling. And people think Wicca is an Evil religion. It would be a much different world if the Bible had never been created by Constantine and the falling Roman Empire.

We live in a world where information is so available. Knowledge is the light that can destroy the darkness of ignorance. Yet ignorance is the King. People prefer to entrap themselves in ignorance. Social conditioning. Ignorance is Bliss. No Ignorance is Ignorance. Perhaps this is another key to existence, overcoming the attraction of Bliss. I have never said you can’t gain understanding from the Bible, I just don’t like the fairy tale it has become. The lives led by Evangelicals are nothing like the life led by Jesus in the Bible. They actually lead the lives he told them not too. The Gnostic teachings tell the story that we are all "Jesus" and we should all focus and struggle to overcome this worlds pleasant distractions. Evangelicals embrace them and simply wait for Wars to be fought, by others, so that Jesus will simply appear and take them away to the promised land. Neat-O.

Now what about this current administration? They are the propped up by these deluded maniacs yet I don’t see a clear reflection in ideology. I have never heard anyone really explain the mentality of George Bush. Those who have studied him focus on the fact that he believes in the righteousness of his actions, yet they haven’t been able to penetrate the underlying why of his actions. 50% of the American voting public voted for him. The right wing evangelical movement is always his most loyal followers, but I don’t really see that as him. There is also a large network of people who believe he acts in accordance with Masonic guidance towards a new world order, such as his father mentioned when he was president. The actions of Channey and Rumsfeld seem equally alien to any sort of Devine plan. Have they simply, as many have reported, catered to the delusional mind set of Evangelicals to empower their own plans.

Me. I’m just waiting for the chaos to reach the tipping point when it comes to Global Warming. The day when the ocean currents shut down because we as a people where way to dumb to maintain our eco-system as priority number one. The world won’t be coming to a end but it sure as hell will get interesting. Hope your religious doctrine will keep you safe.

 

November 2nd, 2007

Decisions.  We make em, we live with em.  Period.  We try to make the decisions we do based on the information we have at hand.  Decisions are based no so much on Yes and No, but on choices.  What choices we have are based not on intellect or understanding, but perception.  There is no right choice.  Zen fits in here.  You simply chose and that is all.  It is over.  Whatever happens now is dependent upon our next choice.  The last choice is done.  It is no longer a choice.  Past tense.  What's done is done.

I got a new cool social ramble coming tomorrow but today is about reflection.  It ain't about conceited self righteousness.  It is about making a choice and living with it.  Some would say a lot of the time we don't have a choice.  I need to ask myself this very question.  Did I have a choice or did someone else make the decision for me?  Transcendence.  The Three of Swords.  Was there a choice?

"The Secret" would teach us that we hold the power within us to control our destiny.  The Bible teaches us the value of free will, the blessing God gave to us that so infuriated the Angel that would become the Devil.  New age theology deems that you have a choice of families before birth.  Three examples of the power of freewill.  Also three examples that you are limited to the choices you can make.  If your choices are limited, are you truly free?

The answer is Zen.  All you got is right now.  Every choice you have ever made is done.  It's over.  Make the best next decision that you can.  Understand perception.  Understand yourself, both who you are and who you want to be.  I'm far more of an dynamic yet introverted person then most.  O.K. most people are neither introverted or dynamic so I am special.  Right there, you have a certain underlying personality that is a part of you, a fixed nature overwhelming choice.  Homosexuals make a choice of how they live their lives but there is an underlying nature existing that limits their choices.  The right wing Evangelical Christians, that I mock openly, would tell you they are making a choice.  Once again choice by its very nature is actually simply a matter of perception.  Change your perception, change your world.

So, all you can do is try to focus on the road ahead of you.  The route might be unpleasant but trying to back up will lead you back to where you already been.  Forward is all that is real, all you can control.  To change your choices you've got to find the way to change your perception.  Your choices still might not be all you had hoped for but maybe you might just need that.  If life was a bowl of cherries, you'd get sick of cherries pretty fast. 

November 1st, 2007

So I wake up and grab my protein shake, crank up some My Chemical Romance and some Slipknot and thank the Universe for all I am.  Gratitude.  Sometimes it is hard to appreciate what you have when all you want is something else.  Or maybe I want what I have touched but could never hold on to.  Never the less, I need to accept things as they are and realize this is how it is.  Tomorrow will hopefully hold that which I crave so dearly.

Now I'm listening to Tool.  Someone long ago told me I would love these guys, but at the time I just wasn't there.  I've never been a big fan of NIN but Tool is so much better then them.  Personal resonance only of course.  Both artists are very similar, I just like Tool better.  This is how life is sometimes.  Some pieces fit together in your own personal puzzle, some pieces belong to someone else's puzzle.  The mistake I make is trying to force other peoples pieces into my puzzle.  Life really ain't very long so you had best just try to assemble as much of your personal puzzle together while you can.  Pick up a piece, try it out, and see if you can get it to fit.  Put it back gently if it don't fit.  Hell, dust it off a little, maybe all someone else needs is to see it cleaned up a bit and they can put it to use in there own puzzle.

Now I might be talking in terms of puzzles cause I've been on a 8 movie Hellraiser marathon the last few days.  I think I'm drawn to the movies because they fit my interests.  The premise of the story is that you can open up doors to other worlds with a puzzle box.  I like the fact that the beings from the other world lose in every movie.  O.K. it's funny that they always lose.  The idea is interesting though.

What else is out there?  Some people turn their attention to the stars.  Just as NIN ain't really my thang, neither is extraterrestrial life.  If you have studied it and it calls to you then the attraction is overwhelming.  I'm far more interested in our place in the Universe as a spiritual endeavor.  How many people have had a moment where they have felt connected to something beyond normal mundane existence.  A dream, a series of events, a chance happening that seemed more then chance.  The world is changing.  The hippie mentality of the 60's is finding roots in far more scientific minds.  "The Secret" has gained it's strength behind the understandings, or lack there of, in quantum physics.  It is call the theory of quantum physics instead of a law, cause those dudes in the white jackets aren't quite as sure of the way things work as they would like you to believe.  What is true?  So much of what we believe to be true is actually an assumption.  Group think.  Me, I ain't down with that.  Some days I wish I wasn't on some other level, but I am so I'll deal with it.

So I'll try to open up the channels within me.  I hold in my hand a piece of rose quartz and a 4160 HZ tuning fork.  I seek to see if focusing on higher frequencies can indeed raise up my own personal frequency of vibration.  What will this achieve.  Hopefully more then the head ache it is giving me.  More to come.

Nice to see my web traffic is back up, maybe my higher vibrations are paying off.  I don't think I can maintain the pace I did as I went insane earlier this year, but hopefully I will be active on here.  Hopefully I have at least one new reader, one with a sweet little smile.  Sorry I have no new artwork.  Everything has been too personal for me to post lately.   

 

Samhain

It is hard for me to find music that puts me in a Halloween mood.  I look at my CD collection and just don't feel it.  Sarcasm alert.  I decide to go right for the Elvis of Dark music, Danzig.  Classic dark music.  All his stuff is great but I grab "How the gods Kill."  A classic album of Darkness.  I'm not a fan of Thrash, Speed or Death metal.  How can any of that pass for music anyways.  Actually when I think about it, Danzig is closer to the "Johnny Cash" of metal.  Dark and brooding, passionate and pained.  A little Cradle of Filth will follow.  Then some Type O Negative.  Some Alice Cooper.  Korn, Tool, White Zombie.  Maybe some old Manson, he really ain't scary anymore.  I suppose dumping poor Dita and his pathetic last album has soured me to him.  Hopefully his Movie will help him redeem himself.  It worked for Rob.

Samhain.  Pronounced "Sew-wein."  The Celtic name for some of what we consider Halloween.  A celebration of the harvest and of death.  Now I'm not a big death person.  I understand the attraction, I just don't have the connection to it.  Death to me is meaningless.  The entire point of everything is that we are more then "life and death".  Transendance.  Ascendance.  We are spirit, one and all.  Everything is spirit.  Everything is more then what we perceive here.

What is a ghost?  Is it a human soul trapped in the material unable to leave.  I would say No.  Death frees you.  This is Malkuth.  What would I say a "ghost" is then.  Every reaction causes an equal and opposite reaction.  Extreme trauma created in this world would create something in the Astral.  A thought form unintentionally created.  A being of energy and thought.  Just like us, energy and thought, except not physical.  Missing the yummy outer coating that humans hold so dear.  And since we are Energy and thought, this non-material entity can interact with us.  And being created of trauma and emotion, it will act with emotion.  Most ghost stories are about the living abuse the person suffered.  Death is what frees us, life is often the bad part of the story.

What exactly is thought though?  The instinctive nature of animals?  Is that not thought?  The way your pet reacts to your love.  What about the instinctive nature of plant life?  Plant life feeds us Oxygen.  They react to light and moisture.  They are alive.  Would not every plant then have a Spirit attached to it.  Perhaps if my forefathers wouldn't have been so ruthless and ignorant when they climbed off their ships and touched down on North American soil we would have a different relationship with plant life.  If only a respect for life had existed then.  If only our forefathers would have been more educated, more wise.  Sadly we learn nothing from history.  Every opportunity we have as a collective to grow is wasted.  We still find it impossible to live in peace with the land.  We continue to Invade other lands, ignorant to the inevitable outcome.  We have failed to domesticate those to whom we seek to liberate.  Over and over again we fail.

Now I need to tie this all together.  Easy.  What is Halloween.  A celebration of trickery, deceit, terror and anguish.  Today is a reflection of what we truly are.  Now you could say this is pessimistic and that would be true.  I can't liberate the oppressed any more then the poor lost souls of our armed forces can.  All I can hope to show you is that everything is connected.  Perhaps you should open your eyes, and see the ghosts you have created.

      

October 28th, 2007

I watch the news and the answer always seems so clear to me.  Sadly my tastes don't reflect the understandings of society.  Every news story brings up the same cause of the world's changing nature and yet no one will accept the cause, and the solution that it holds within.  Story after story states the problem but the answer scares us, and yet we should embrace it.  The solution is so clear.  Oh well, I'm good either way.  The solution is inevitable.  It's simply sad how we cower from it.  How weak we are.

I'm listening to the coolest new CD right now.  Puscifer, V is for Vagina.  From the brilliant mind of Maynard James Keenan, from Tool and a Perfect Circle.  Very cool.  I haven't heard too much good new music lately but this definitely qualifies.  Not true Halloween music but definitely dark and edgy.

I've been doing a lot of meditation and trance work lately.  I feel very good.  Interesting how events can lead you to new plateaus of understanding.  I also appreciate the opportunities the Universe has offered me.  I drink deep from my mug of Yerba Mate Green Tea sweetened with pure grape/cranberry juice and smile.  It is easy to know thyself, hard to accept the world when you are who you are are.  I am who I am.  I exist a little too close to the veil and a long way from the world the sane accepts as true.

And what is true?  We are nothing but energy.  Everything that we experience happens in the brain.  If the brain is damaged or the programming shot, it just don't work the same.  It is the circuits of our being that cause our pleasure and pain.  I look at my computer screen and feel a hunger, like the experiments of Pavlov.  So what is it that I truly hunger for and why?  I have been practicing a lot of Kundalini Yoga and Meditations lately.  Kundalini is the "serpent" energy that lays dormant in most of us.  I've had experiences before with it.  I smile knowing that I am not a shallow new age wack' case.  I smile knowing sciences explanation of the Kundalini.  I was watching " the Stigmata" yesterday and it is how they explained the condition of the woman in the movie.  The nice thing about science is so often there is no evidence to support what medical practitioners believe.  It is simply another form of religion.  So, what then is True?

We are energy.  We have consciousness.  These two statements are true.  What we don't fully understand is everything else.  What lays beyond consciousness?  Do we truly have free will?  As beings of energy can we be effected not simply by the material but by waves of energy such as light and sound.  Where is it all leading to?  Why are we so intent to exist as limited beings when our destiny could be so much greater?   

September 30th, 2007

I came up with an idea about how to proceed.  The Tarot told me a different way to do things.  Sometimes you need time to figure out what a reading means, and sometimes it makes perfect sense.  I read back through my recent readings and see everything was as I had forecast.  I still await closure on some results, but everything has been perfect.  Today's reading put me back on the path of Trust.  "What is Right, and What is Wrong", was clearly answered, and maybe Yesterdays blog was wrong.  Take the high path.  Breath deep the fresh air and don't get bogged down in the Material.  Stretch your will, but be filled with pure emotion and care.

I have that Zen state again.  Zen.

O.K. let me write the blog that I have been thinking about for the last week.  Sigils.

Sigils are a picture that you create using the first letters from your intended spell.  A spell is just another word for a prayer, so think of them as written, coded prayers.  I have been working with them for the last few weeks.  I write them on my body with pen.  I focus on them more often then one would if you had them framed on your desk or in a common area.  I put it on daily on my left hand above my wrist below my fore finger and thumb.  If you wanted to quit smoking you could write your intent as, "I am now and forever breathing free".  This is a positive statement, unlike wishing to never smoke again or stating that you will be a non-smoker.  You would write I N F and B on your hand interlocking the characters.  I seal mine with a pentagram using a different color over the letters, making sure the pentacle and letters are both facing the same way.  Feel free to do this somewhere hidden on your body if you would prefer.  People might ask questions and bring there negativity to your positive intention.  People don't question me too much.  I'm very difficult to doubt.

For more info on Sigils type "Sigils" into Goggle.  You will get all the information and knowledge you need.

September 29th, 2007

Maybe I should draw in a straight line for awhile.  I have the knowledge I need, but all to often my mind wonders away from understanding and wisdom and settles into Malkuth.  I am here, and yet I am not here.  I am very unbalanced right now.

The challenge is how to proceed.

I have a really good idea, but sadly it violates a lot of societal rules, so...

This makes me wonder, what is Right?  As in "what is right and what is wrong?".  I don't trust or respect society and yet I conform.  What is right and wrong?

There are a lot of "ethical" issues in Wicca, yet if you study the Myths that accompany all our religions you find there is so much contradiction simply behind the actions of the Devine and the morality of the mundane.  The Story of Isis setting Ra up to steal his Power is one example.  Trickery is so common place in Mythology.  Through it life lessons can be learned, but they cast a shadow of honesty.  Another aspect of morality is the caveat, "do what you will, as long as it harms none."  Who has the moral compass by which harm can be judged?  A majority of our populace would judge Witchcraft to be wrong.  Any real Catholic would say it is a Sin.

So, I still need to figure out how to proceed.  What to focus on.  What I am concerned with is that I have began projects, set things in motion, not seen immediate results, and switched focus.  Oh well.  I guess being slightly Zen I will make today's decision better then yesterdays.  Check the cards too.  Interesting.  Things don't work out how you expect they should.

I feel like I got a steak through my side, figuratively.  I need to listen up and go back There.  I have been welcomed back.  I guess the answer is easier then I want it to be.  I set events in motion, that needed to be.  I obeyed.  I followed the path, and it led back to where I was before the shift took place in late March.  The difference is clear.  What did I learn?

Malkuth is Here.  The ladder leads up.  Respect and appreciate the fact I can realize this when most can't.  I'm barely here.  This is easy for people to notice, yet very hard to explain.  There is a big difference from being mundane, being insane, and being what I am.   I think the Gnostics have a word for it.

September 28th, 2007

"You write too much", she told me.  Sorry.  I ain't updated this in a while.  I've been busy with projects of a Witchy nature and I have been trying to live the creed.

To Will.  To Dare.  To Know.  To be Silent.

Yes I probably do write more then most people would, and less then others.  I got lots to say but I guess I'll say it to the trees, and those who can listen there within.

Autumn is here.  The change from Green to more Passionate Colors.  Reds, Yellows, Oranges.  I have been observing them more then usual.  Changes.  Changes.

"You write too much".  Sometimes she is so proficient with her insight.  Whatever.  Maybe I just lost a piece of myself to the Fae amidst those lost pathways I like to explore.  As I cleaned and cleared that glen in the river valley I think I lost something.  Or maybe I gained something.  Maybe Both.

I do apologize for my absence and my lack of material knowledge.  I look at my computer wallpaper and wish I could display it on here but I can't.  One day I know I will, it makes me smile with its reflection of joyful madness.  Till then I'll enjoy it.  Sorry.

I will send out my gratitude to those who have helped me though.  I appreciate it a great deal.  Thank You.  Autumn is all about appreciation so I'll start it out right.  Sometimes I don't like the messages I receive.  I realize everything happens for a reason.  Oh, yes this was the message I have recently received.

I'll update more often again.  Witchy has been done. 

September 13th, 2007

I reached a point today where I was Zen. I simply Was. I was Selflessness. I was Understanding. Quickly I became overwhelmed by Hubris, and the moment vanished. I became more amazed with where I was rather then being.

Did I meditate for hours realizing I was at one with All? No. I was consuming a yummy, nutritious smoothie walking through a familiar park, being concerned with someone else and "knowing" what I knew. I suppose this alone will help me understand how I quickly left my minds rage and disappointment and became Zen. I already knew what I "knew", and I accepted it, and it was done. The circle of knowing and accepting had become complete. Maybe this is what truly is Zen.

I don’t walk about in a constant state of mindfulness. I often mess up and loose my path, lost on my journey to Kether trapped in Malkuth’s material illusions. Today I acheived something more. I truly needed to be Zen and I was. I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself or angry at someone else, I simply accepted this moment was. Sounds like an unfinished thought, I simply accepted this moment was. The "was" at the end adds the understanding that when you accept something and state that it is over, which was does, it is over.

Sometimes I focus on what was, but why? I need to accept that it is over. I am here and this is now. I can act, but when I reflect upon acting, I need to accept that the act is done. It is gone, over forever. If I add a level of mindfulness to my life hopefully I will never need to regret again.

September 12th, 2007

Whatever.  This is my cosmic connection today, Whatever.  It is a modern statement usually said with distain.  I'll leave the distain behind me today.  Let me make us some tea and let us sit for a moment and reflect.  I feel like I got a Elephant on each shoulder and a Gorilla on my head and yet I need to walk forward with my tea and not spill a drop.  Sometimes we over reach and think things are more important then they really are.  Its the things we don't think about that probably really mean something.

I watched a program yesterday about the sickness that has plagued those who worked at ground zero after 9/11.  They slowly die having the caustic dust from the disaster contaminate their bodies beyond repair.  They lose Faith with your Governments.  Again and again they bring up how Elected Officials are civil servants, supposedly meant to protect the citizens who elect them, have failed them.  The EPA failing to be prepared, then failing to be honest, now failing to take responsibility.  FEMA showed there ineptitude during Katrina.  The FBI showed theirs through 9/11.  The military showed there integrity through the Walter Reed crisis.  President Bush shows his leadership daily.

Democracy, It ain't what it use to be.

Now I don't believe in Democracy.  I'm sure this statement alone will add me to someone's "watch list" so let me continue.  I don't believe we live with any sense of Justice.  We have failed ourselves.  Absolute power ,corrupts absolutely.  That is a fact, the truth of the Story is all our institutions fail to prevent this inevitability.  Ambition makes you crave Power.  Power makes you want more Power.  The more Ambitious you are the more Power you want.  You get the picture.  George has certainly proved this, always more then willing to change the rules and create more for himself.  The Founding Fathers be damned, I am the Decider.

As long as we create Political systems based on Ambition, we are doomed to failure.  Communism or Democracy, they all end the same, noble ideas crushed by greed and ignorance.  True ignorance is not accepting the facts of ambition and power.  We live in a very ignorant world.

So I ask them, from the shadows to my left and the reflection of the mirror to my right to free us.  I call on that which exists beyond the slivers of the dawning Sun to liberate us from this Tyranny.  I call on you now To...

Oh I'm just kidding.  It is a common element of the Mystics to summon forth Powers beyond our understanding.  I believe it is possible, I just think I'll try to summon up some Understanding instead.  Whatever.

Whatever.  When you here someone say it, think for a minute.  It's true.  It's Zen.  Whatever.  If I am right and our World is broken,  If this is Hell,  If this is Malkuth, so be it.  I'll do my best to avail myself of the Karmic riches that I can and be done with it, plain and simple.  I accept my own moment.  

September 11th, 2007

It took me a while to publish that last blog.  Maybe there is too much truth in it for me to accept.  I don't know.  In many ways I feel like I did in March again today.  What to do, what to do?

Maybe my approach is all wrong.  I'm thinking like I use to long ago.  Minutes ago I felt much better.  Perception had changed.  What do I need right now?  I should be appreciating my achievements, realizing I am building something important.  Where will the results show up?  Here or There?  It doesn't matter all you can do is live this moment the best you can.  Every moment means something.  When we fall, we need to stand up and dust ourselves off and move forward.

May Hamied work the Temperance I seek.

September 8th, 2007

My, my, my. Where did all my readers go. I went from record hits to... almost nothing. I am sure it is just the time of year. So much going on, so many things to get ready for. Changes.

I noticed a special set of Tarot cards today that I hadn’t used in a while. They are a little more psychological then most of my cards. I use to use them all the time. They are the Voyager Deck by James Wanless. The cards are very thick and are photomontage style of symbolism. The meanings of the cards are quite different from the basic Tarot cards. I loved the cards when I first got them and still enjoy the pure vivid imagery to be amazing.

I also have a special reading that I do with them that is very personal. It is based on my astrological sign. It is balance between the past and the future with my current nature in the middle. At the middle is a card that represents my very soul. Today’s reading read that I hold Anger in my very soul.

Now with the fact that perception is so key to understanding life, Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. Yes, this is Arestao.com where we value a lot of rage. That being said I do hold a lot of anger within me. I guess this is one reason I am so understanding when someone spews hate at me, where I have committed no foul and only seek to liberate them with my own joy. I do not enjoy the anger that I hold within me. I also do not deny it is there. I do not allow it to take me where I don’t want to go, as most would. My mind is like a Diamond, strong and impervious to that type of failure. This was part of the reading as well.

Since this is at its core, a self-improvement site, what can I do to free myself from this anger. I realize everything since March has led to this moment. The moment where I make a decision of what will be. If I have lost you then you haven’t been following along with the events here within. I have followed a path that has lead to a waterfall. I have lots of time to wait and reflect, but this path now has only one direction to go, straight into the cold raging water. It might be refreshing, leaving me cleansed of the past, ready for a new adventure. The possibility also exists that I might end up knocked unconscious, bleeding on jagged rocks, lost and more desolate then ever before. Then again, I might simply blink and wake up as if from a dream, standing on a completely new path. All I got between now and then is Faith and the understanding that Temperance has the power to transform circumstance into pure Magick.

So what to do till then? Live it right.

 

September 3rd, 2007

I never understood Astrology very well.  Trines, squares, the 12 houses; it's freaking complicated.  The good news is these energies are not nearly as personal as the Tarot.  Let someone else do all the work for you.  There are lots of poor Astrology sites on the internet, but the one I really like is www.astrowisdom.com .  The only problem with it is that it focuses on the Astrological energies and correspondences of the New and Full moons, rather then the daily energies.  It is useful for my needs though.  Astrology is understanding the natural leanings of circumstance around you.  The more Universal correspondences that you have the easier it will be to make change happen.  The Laws of Physics pertain to all types of Energies.  An object at rest seeks to stay at rest.  If you want change to happen you need to open up a little flex on it.  Let's see if I can take all that Potential and turn it into a little Kinetic.

I should begin to study if there is a connection between my mood and mental balance and Astrology.  I went nuts in April and now feel fantastic.  I got a lot more Hope in my heart then I had in March, but nothing else seems to have changed.  I have had only one week off in late April, and as much as the week was very nice I don't think the rest or lack thereof has any relation to my mood.  It really is weird.  Maybe it is all about the Cards.  Then again it has nothing to do with the cards, they are simply tools to see.  Astral glasses as it might be.

I found the following on www.evolvingdoor.ca regarding the upcoming New Moon on the 11th of September.

"Your imagination and creativity are at a peak now, even though it might feel like they've suddenly stalled briefly. It's probably your inner drive shifting gears so that you can adjust to the new demands and potential that are forming now. If you look closely, you may see that your current situation is an outgrowth of changes that began back in March 2007. This is a turning point when you may need to reach beyond what you thought was possible. It is time to put that raw potential to practical use, but it is just as important not to lose sight of the original dream, vision or inspiration that brought you this far."

Wow.  The first time I ever met she that seems of the Fae was in late March.  At the time my focus was elsewhere.  Now everything has changed.

So I got back to back Tarot readings relating a welcomed future outcome.  I was about to say positive outcome, but that is perception.  So the Tarot says it shall be.  So I am feeling great, even though I keep getting cards relating to pain and suffering.  The Stars will also be aligning in correspondence to my needs.  My needs relate to my understanding of circumstance as it relates to the mundane.  It is obvious to me what needs to happen for those cardboard cards to help me materialize more material for my site.  And to help me turn anguished hatred into loving acceptance.  Time to go work out. 

September 2nd, 2007

I feel great today.  The darkness of my latest Tarot reading pertained to a small area of my life.  The Universe will work whatever it needs to, to bring it to fruition.  The impact of two readings so similar strikes me as very positive, no matter how negative the near forecast was on them.  Circumstance can easily overcome all reasonable explanations.  Chance is so dependent on it.  My blog just won't be the same without it.  Someone E-mailed me some photos that I should photoshop and post here.  Out of respect and to further the Trust I'm trying so hard to build, you probably won't be seeing them soon.  I have more respect for people then some of the morons who post their entire lives on-line.  I also love being mysterious.

I'm feeling good because I feel I have regained the bearing on life and the Universe that I had back in March.  I've dug out my Rose Quartz crystal and started playing my mind programming tapes again.  When the Universe takes me where the cards show me I'm going I am going to need to be ready.  Balance and strength.  Wisdom and patience.  I'm going to need more then just Faith.  I'm also going to be ready.

I tried to deal with things on a material level.  I tried to manipulate people to achieve my goals.  Bad mistake.  I also did the borderline Black Magick in and around May.  I was in a really bad place then.  I'm glad that is over.  Really, really glad.  I also think really, really over, but things change.  I like this path much better.  It has the potential to be very important, but I simply wait.  The Tarot cards definitely have given me a green light.  She who might be of the Fae also seems to be willing.  Well at least she let me rip some of her hair out of her head for a little Voodoo-like magick.  I don't know if I learned anything from what I have done in the past few months, but I am hoping I'll never be back in that mindset again.  I guess it really did happen for a reason though.

I like the way the Universe works.  I'm also an unusual guy.  So I'll take a deep breath and hope for the best, remembering this life is but a fleck of sand, compared to millions of stars in the sky.  Make the most of it, but don't get to caught up on how it progresses, it happens the way it should.  Damn I'm a Happy guy today.  Maybe I should have taken the advice she gave me.  Ouch!  I actually have written the blog about what was said to me, but I don't like following patterns so who'll have to wait to find out what the hell I'm talking about.  I do like my women mean though.  Mean, and sweet all at once.

August 30th, 2007

Self fulfilling prophecy. The outcome card in a Tarot reading is said to be dependant upon the course of action you take based on the rest of the reading. It is not Fate, but simply a reflection of what circumstance will be most probable. My latest reading holds a card that I accept as a necessary step to the outcome card. This time the outcome card didn’t surprise me, a card of positive motion amid a rather dreary reading. The card that interests me is the Five of Wands. Wands represent intuition. Fives are cards where "difficulties" are encountered. This card symbolizes a conflict, specifically one of creative energy. What happens when two game players square off against each other? Will twisted logic win out over compulsive deception? I plan to find out. I have no fear, the Outcome is clear, and this battle is just a step in the midst of my journey. I think I need this to be my latest affirmation.

I have no Fear. I see the Three of Swords again, and now the Nine of Swords symbolizing guilt, anxiety, and depression. Everything is simply a part of the journey. I have no Fear.

I also knew this was coming. Life starts to repeat itself if you look hard enough and it begins to get easier if you remember what didn’t work last time. Oh yes and all that Faith I got sure comes in real handy. That is the thing a deluded faithful of the Catholic Church like Mother Teresa couldn’t understand, the reason it may appear so dark here some days is cause you have your eyes closed. Heaven and Hell are ideas, the truth is we are more then what the Book would say we are.

Now I have been called "too serious" today by someone I care about. Thankfully I am actually simply conceited and know I am right. I don’t wash away my conscience with medications or illicit substances. Too Serious, I’m sure a great many people believe this is true. I simply smile. I’ve felt the energy from across the veil. I’ve been guided by that which is not Here. From There I am protected. Too Serious, completely insane or Barely Here. Maybe a little bit of each.

So I have a reading that I will openly follow, knowing pain is inevitable. Everything seems so right about it. My expectations are completely evident in the reading, yet in no way did I, or could I influence this reading myself. What I’m trying to say is this reading related directly to what I expected would happen. We shall see when life becomes a living reflection of the cards.

I smile with a sigh. At least Football, NFL, starts soon. It has been a long summer.

 

August 29th, 2007

People don’t understand me. People don’t see themselves as spiritual beings trapped in a material world. They fail to see the value of intention. Circumstance is sometimes what you make of it, and the number one obstacle we all face is the programming in our brain.

If you lived in a world without oranges, you would probably not tell me that a pumpkin is orange. You would not associate orange juice with breakfast or mandarins with Christmas. If you were given one, you would not know whether or not it was sweet or poisonous. You could smell it and feel it but what would it taste like? Some would try it, and like it. Some would not.

You can only associate what you know with what else you know. Most people are very comfortable in their comfort zone. Some people never venture out from their own little worlds, content to live in ignorance. Others have an internal craving for something more. They seek change. They want something better. Perhaps there whole life has been spent eating lemons and grapefruit. Then one day someone offers them an orange. They are convinced it is yummy and try it. They like it. What do they do now?

They had this orange and it was different. They liked it but to get another they would have to make a journey to a farm. They are given directions, but they don’t know if they can follow them. They don’t know what price the oranges will be. They liked the orange but will every orange taste as sweet. They are use to grapefruit and lemons. They mix them with lots of sugar to make them taste good. Sure the sugar rots their teeth and makes them hyper, but it is what they know. It is all they have ever known. How can they be expected to take this journey for oranges?

Too many people simply settle for all they have ever known. It is hard too try something new. Some people are struck by internal instinct to reach out for liberation. Some people don’t.

Me. I sit in a field of wild berries and wonder why these people are willing to spend there lives buying sugar or oranges when all around them are the sweetest berries you can find.

I really hate explain metaphors but like I led off with, people don’t get me. What I am trying to illustrate is how people can’t comprehend what isn’t familiar to them. If you were raised with French speaking parents, you probably speak French. If you have been raised by dysfunctional parents how can you be expected to know anything but dysfunctional behavior. If you speak German to the child raised by French parents, they probably won’t understand you, they know only French. When you get upset at someone because of they make poor decisions when all they were raised with were bad decisions, are you being unfair. Do you take a moment to appreciate that this person has only been exposed to people who make bad decisions? No, because you weren’t exposed to an environment where people were extremely caring and giving. It’s not your fault either.

So you know what? You can offer someone a better life; you can show them the way. They ain’t going to simply say eureka and get it. Some are too simple to understand much of anything. Others are limited to the mysteries of the Universe. Maybe though, it might just catch them off guard, something different that seems...pleasant. The more they see, the more they might accept something new; something better. The circumstances of the world might take someone and wrap them up in a web of lunacy that takes the sublime and multiplies it. Anything is possible. Circumstance.

This blog writes itself when I make it personal, unlike when I try to pass on hard information and make news related points. It’s really scary when I learn something simply by following the current of my mind. Today I learned something, hopefully you did too.

 

August 27th, 2007

Witchcraft is pure Faith.  Pure Will.  Imagination mixed with a Knowing confidence, opening your being to transcend all obstacles before you.

Full moon tonight.  Interesting energy in the stars, and we are nothing but energy you know.  Where is my head?  I smile as I look at my computer monitor.  Some artwork can't be shared.  Sometimes its meant for more.

Check out this site tonight.  I'm probably posting to late for you.  Sorry.  www.astrowisdom.com/thisfullmoon.htm   Very cool.  Edimify yourselves.

 

August 26th, 2007

Faith. Witchcraft is pure faith. You represent noble goals with poetry and symbols in an attempt to focus the possibilities of the Universe onto your chosen path. You actively seek to bind circumstance to your will. Pure faith.

If you have not read about the Mother Teresa and her inner battle of Faith please check out this link.  Click Me.

The advantage in the area of Faith that a Witch has versus Mother Teresa for instance is in the flexible doctrine of Wicca. The Catholic Church is so very rigid in its beliefs and deceitful. How can you not question God or Jesus when they have created such a flawed understanding of them. When you take a man and make him a myth, you mock God. I don’t even like the word God, and that is all it is, a Word representing an idea. God is our personification of Divinity. I worship these figures as much as anyone, but I realize that there is no one at the root of it. How can we not misrepresent God, when we don’t even understand what we are.

We are Energy. Break us down and we are Energy. Electrons and Protons. Energy. Yet we pretend like we are something else. And the Evil that is the Catholic Church pretends that they know the truth, when in fact they are nothing but purveyors of deceit.

I always pride myself for doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Now was Mother Teresa truly as great a person as I would believe her to be from her life of total and complete dedication to the those less fortunate. She truly did the right thing with her life. Did she do what she did for the right reason though? A servant of the Catholic Church? Their poster child. Does it matter?

I wish I was a better person like Mother Teresa. I’m also very happy that my Faith has never wavered.

 

August 24th, 2007

The Bad thing about Tarot is that you have to actually pay attention to the message that you asked for. Sure you focussed all your energy into creating this bond with the Universe, but really I think I know best. People who know me realize I focus pretty intently on what I’m interested in and nothing else. It can give me a huge advantage. My Aries energy. It can also be unbeneficial.

I’m editing heavily today. Again. This would be an interesting site if I simply expressed everything I wanted to. I guess I’m telling you, and more importantly myself, I do understand the concept of restraint.

I’ve been doing a lot of Tarot lately and the nice thing is the more you do the better you get. The latest message the Universe has sent is that the Knight of Pentacles should stop and rest his horse for a bit. I know why I do the things I do. My mind has me programmed to charge forth. This Witch energy. The Universe is telling me otherwise. I need to be more of an Occultist right now. I just want things to be set right.

I was thinking of working a little Black Magick, which I often contemplate but never execute. I quickly changed my focus. If I need for things to be set right I don’t need a malevolent force, I need a righteous one. Justice. Now Justice can take many forms. Our modern "Justice System" has little to do with true Justice. The old west had a warped sense of active Justice. True Justice. Karma is true Justice. Only by God’s eyes shall we be Judged. And that, and the two of wands, has told me all I need to know. Justice is beyond our understanding. What truly matters in life? Who am I to condemn another, no matter how noble my intentions.

Here lies the difference between Witchcraft and Zen. Witchcraft is active, Zen is passive. Based on my Oracle, I need to accept that things are as they should be. Change is taking place as it should, through circumstance and chance. I need to stand tall, focusing on my own perfection rather then languish my attention on what I feel must be. I hate to accept this. I don’t want to accept this. I must accept this.

I accept that I have done all I can to put things in motion. I will step back and focus on my betterment, and the betterment of those I can help. I’ll keep my Witchcraft passive, acknowledging not demanding. I’m going to go meditate in the river valley.  Maybe I meet a magick squirrel with the wisdom of the heavens.  Or better yet one that will grant me three wishes.  I can hope.

 

August 22nd, 2007

I started writing yesterday. It was too self-righteously negative to continue with what I started. I do hate waiting for the Universe to serve my needs. Everything is a lesson, a choice, an experience. I will change my perception and feed off of what I have, not what I want. Acceptance. This word itself is a paradox that I won’t even touch today.

I should be more upbeat today, but for whatever reason I’m not. I’m typing and reading and thinking. "I should be more upbeat today." I need to implement this mentally.

I am upbeat today. I had a optimistic conversation with she who seems of the Fae today. I walk the path I do by choice, others aren’t so lucky. I think of my Tarot reading from the other day. The outcome card was the Knight of Pentacles. Rachel Pollack, describes the card for the Vertigo Tarot as Total dedication to a cause, especially when the cause is impossible or lost. Good thing I’m a Witch and realize nothing is ever impossible. That is where Temperance will come in. The Overcard was the Page of Wands, symbolizing raw energy. Strength and Eagerness. All the pieces lock together like the puzzles my Grandmother loves to do. I wait for the picture to be completed. The picture on that card. Everything I do is based on a Single piece of cardboard that I turned over a little over a month ago.

Bullshit. Everything I do is based on the Innocent energy of Joy that has been empowering me since I finally began seeing her. The Sun was the Heart of the Matter card for my reading of myself. Radiance, Joy, Confidence. An interesting card was found opposing this, the Star, signifying Hope. This is confusing for me. I can only believe that the message is trust. Hope is uncertain. The Tarot has never been wrong. I don’t need hope. I already know.

I feel better and better. I’m working out as I write this. I got Blink 182 blasting in the background. Everything is awesome. Everything makes sense. The cards told me what I needed to know. Only I need to know it. I know what was wrong. The five of cups tells us to focus on what we got, not what was lost. Temperance tells me to keep calm and that the Angels can work Alchemy much better then I can. Patience. I’ll focus on Today. I sweat knowing. Zen.

I'll lay a thanks out here too.  Thank you to my buddy and everybody else who knows how I like to roll.  And a thanks to everyone who thinks my quest is noble.  I've had a lot of positive energy from good people lately.  I'll appreciate them instead of dumping on those who I feel miss the point.  Thanks.

 

August 20th, 2007

All is good. Someone told me I should check out "Black Snake Moan", to help me figure out how to fix someone. It is an interesting movie, and I’m sure it touched me more then it would other people that I know. It looks like an exploitation movie but it truly is a movie about acceptance and deciding to deal with things. My website has always been dedicated to overcoming the limitations put on us by Society, so I will recommend it to everyone. Watch it with an open mind, appreciating some people have more limited choices then others. Watch the way Samuel L Jackson’s character decides to act against Society, following a divine path. I guess I do like to walk this way, and I thank my friend who suggested I watch it.

My path hasn’t gone the way that movie has. I decided to watch "True Romance" as a guide to good living. I smile. I love this movie. Awesome cast. James Gadelfini as one of the key Mob enforcers is so excellent. Brad Pitt as a pot head. Awesome. Tarantino wrote the script and it is simply wonderful. How far are you willing to go for Love? How messed up are some people? How worthy are they to be liberated by an unseemly hero? Do we not all deserve to be saved from whatever it is that traps us?

I had the energy to read my cards after watching the movie. It was all good. The Crusader shall be gallant and noble, acting wisely, possessed to succeed. The Knight of Pentacles filled with Energy of Confidence. I’ll have to remember my earlier reading, the one that started everything in motion. Temperance. I wish she would have paid more attention to the messages we have received. C’est la Vie. All any of us truly control is ourselves, and even that is sometimes at the mercy of the Wheel of Fortune.

So, I got no fears, as long as I act wisely and keep myself realistic.  I will hope for Devine intervention, but accept that things will happen as they must.  I'll take off my hard hat, but I'll keep those bandages ready, to heal her when the damage is done.  I would hope for a different outcome but simple understand whatever shall be, shall be.

August 18th, 2007

I ain’t got the balls to read my own Tarot. I’m waiting for someone else to crash and burn, and hopefully minimize the damage and bring on a rapid recovery. All ‘cause of the cards that never miss.

I was reading something recently about the "Bad" Tarot cards. The Devil and the Tower come to mind for me. They are also the Overcard and Outcome of my recent reading for She that seems of the Fae. Lost, trapped and ready to be set free, by the Universes wake-up call, The Tower. The Devil symbolizes being restrained by your own delusions. It also represents excesses. On the fools journey of the Tarot, The Tower follows the Devil. The Tower is the ultimate universal upheaval. A damaging raw breakdown. These cards could be seen as bad, but since your perception creates your reality, perhaps not. The way to escape the Devil, that which traps you falsely, is to be kicked in the Teeth! Can’t wake yourself out, even when you know its time to get up. Here comes the alarm clock of the Universe, the Tower, ready to shatter your world.

"May your landing be giving, and may you accept this wake up call." There is no such thing as a bad card. You can learn a lot from the "Bad" that you may encounter in life. Experience and Appreciation. Now that being said I’m putting on a hard hat and carrying a 4 leaf clover. At one time I would have tried to push her out of the way of the falling Tower. Now I’ll just wait with good will in my heart and hope in my thoughts, and the prayers on my lips. Whatever happens, happens. I just wish I knew which readings Outcome card will hit first.

Now the reverse is also true, you know. The Card I craved so long could actually be the "Bad" card. I accept this. Experience and Appreciation. I ain’t done much Mojo working on myself lately, a little protection might be called for. Full moon coming up. May Anael and Gabriel guide my way, and her way too. Sometimes you can’t accept what you really want, trapped in your own psychosis. Sometimes you got to simply let go, like the Hanging Man, and let come what comes.

Oh, by the way, after the Tower in the Tarot comes the Star. As someone says to me regularly, all good things come to those who wait. Good things are still measured by your Perception though. Smile, this could get interesting.

 

August, 17th, 2007

Where lies your power? Inside of you, beyond the daily madness that enslaves us all lives the essence of raw dynamic inertia, and it shall not be quenched by tears of what should have been.

I saw absolute and complete weakness yesterday. Pathetic wasted potential deluded by ignorance. Failure personified. I smile with my conceited arrogance, realizing this was important to me. Self realization is an important step in self improvement.

 

Someone gave me some advice. Now, I don’t think they envisioned what their advice would mean to someone who thinks "outside the box". Advice. Most people throw out these little sweet quick sound bites that they call advise but are simply fluff balls of care. And Hey I appreciate the thought, I truly do. Advice though is so poorly thought out that it really would be amusing if the person you where giving it too wasn’t messed up and willing to hang on to the weakest of advice as a life preserver in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Whatever. Here is my advice, when someone gives you advice you’re probably too lost to help. Take some time to get back to where you can start again, it has only taken me 4 months, and maybe you are a better person then I so good luck.

Now the advice I was recently given said more about the person giving it then it did about me. That being said it made sense, and I hope she that gave it to me is listening in her head to the rebuttal I gave to her advice. I think we both made a lot of sense, and hope she’ll take my advice like I’m trying to re-frame my Zenness to hers. (She has not taken my advice but I understand why).

My Tarot skill is still batting a thousand! I am filled with an interesting feeling. Anticipation mixed with Arrogance. What is it about our Universe that let’s us tap into it’s collective synergy like this? It is beautiful. Like I’ve said before, there are a lot of things I’ll never experience in this life, but the skills and experiences I have had will measure more to me then the finest gold in the world beyond. I’ll need to maintain this insight to walk my path with Temperance. This journey continues. I think I’ll go buy some bandages.

 

August 11th, 2007

Someone recently asked me why I did something I did. My action was neither spiritual or mental, it was pure emotion. I’m a pretty straight forward type of person. I can be very blunt. That aspect of me is mental. This was something deep within me that I shared with someone. Whether they cared or not, only the cards will know. Who you are is influenced by so many different things. The four elements of the Tarot really do depict it all. The material, the mental, the intuitive, and the emotional. Pentacles, swords, wands, and cups respectively.

I suppose I could master my emotions. I suppose drugs and alcohol are how a lot of people deal with this aspect of themselves. I haven’t attacked Society lately on here, too lost in my ongoing journey for that which I so crave. The cardboard image of two as one. If we had a true Justice system perhaps our mind numbing illicit products would be non-existent. We would have groups engaged in prayer and meditation rather then lost to the beats of Techno music in dance halls and bars. Where has all my anger gone? I no longer fell the undying need to free the individual from the perils of Society. I should feel the rage, I don’t. This scares the hell out of me.

As I light this white candle, etched with wishes to the Universe, I hope only for me. I am honest with myself that my struggle to help she of the Fae was all about me, not her. I help her, only to help myself, maybe this is more apparent then I think it is. I am a vain, emotionally weak person. But at least I am truthful and not delusional. I have become completely self absorbed. My own emptiness has killed the passion I held when I began this site. My rage and hatred is gone but... What am I now?

Temperance. Patience. Hope. I wouldn’t have returned to the dark arts if I didn’t believe that they where listening. That you are listening. Five of Cups. Appreciate what all you still have. My loss is insignificant to what I have gained. Five months of uncertainty and regret may follow me. It is only early August. Four months of hope and heartache, or disappointment, or maybe just failure. "Black stake, no Blank Slate", an old quote from a poem, it seems still prevalent today. Somewhere I hope Anael hears my voice.

 

August 8th, 2007

What is it that drives me? A noble inspiration to stand with self-righteous pretension to save the fallen cast out from the grove of subtle dreaming. She who might be kissed by the Fae. What drives Me? Lunacy. I reach out into this world, clinging the cardboard messiahs to my empty heart, hoping she will grab a hold of me. What is it that drives me? Hope.

Hocus Pocus. Look me in the eye. Turn the cards over. The stars are aligned. Temperance. I smile realizing all I can do is try, the rest is all just in the wind. Perhaps this is why I am so driven by the Occult. I can act with intention, but the outcome is beyond me. Things happen the way they do, because that is how they must happen. A fleck of sand on the beach of opportunity. This moment is forever, yet it slips away faster then you can notice.

The Tarot. Astrology. Witchcraft. These are all tools to share with the Universe, but control is beyond us. Now if you lived The Secret you would tell me I was wrong. I’ve been wrong for a long time now, so you might be right. All I can do is act with pure intentions. I will reach out my hand, open my heart and hope.

Its funny how one day I don’t believe I can Lose, and the next day believe I must Win. Zen. Temperance. Know the cards have never been wrong. Believe and accept.

Temperance. What is it that drives me? Truthfully. Helping with wisdom. Justice. What do the cards say? Queen of Pentacles. Interesting. Ares probably is frowning at this indication of a nurturing nature. Solid, truthful, caring, nurturing. I won’t argue with the cards.

I read someone else's horoscope for today and smile. Maybe all the Stars are aligning to grant me that which I crave so badly. All I got is right now though. I guess I better go work on my abs and chest. I really wish I wasn’t so vain.

 

August 3rd, 2007

Temperance. The angel that watches over me. The power of Alchemy.

I am an Occultist and a Sage, not a Psychic. I am Swords, representing Mind and Thought, rather then Wands, representing Intuition. The other two suits of the Tarot are Pentacles, symbolizing the Material, and Cups, representing the Emotional. I am not a person who is Intuition first. I am very rational and analytical. I don’t wish I was one of those people with a natural gift to perceive through the cards. I respect the message and appreciate the moment of sharing with the Universe. I do enjoy sharing.

Temperance. The card shows an angel pouring liquid from one cup to another. Combining elements together. One text suggested the idea that Temperance symbolizes two opposite forces mixing into one cohesive mixture. Interesting. Sometimes you see what you want to though.

My Blue Moon witchcraft has left me empty to the value of my endeavors. Then again, I missed all the warning signs that the Tarot gave me then. You are always suppose to focus on Divination before you begin any Witchcraft, so I guess I failed right from the beginning. Oh and my Witchcraft was probably a little ethically suspect, and emotionally needy. Act One is over. This time I’ll set my overly needy witchcraft skills to the side and focus on me. My diet, my exercise, my meditations. I am content with my failures and await with wonderment the outcome of Act Two of my little summer time play. My fantasy of Act Three is really disturbed so I guess I’ll stick with some Mindfulness meditation to focus my will.

If you want a cool site for more information on all things Tarot check www.aeclectic.net/tarot

 

August 2nd, 2007

I want a blog entry that is special today. I want to write something moving and deep. I made a mistake recently. I wanted to earn someone’s trust and think I might have just lost some of their respect. I took actions based on my emotions, and I let my emotions overwhelm me. I smile today, but it is a sad smile. Forgiveness. Trust. Understanding. What is it that anyone of us really wants from our lives? Acceptance?

My affinity for the Tarot is well known. Too often over the past three months I have ignored the obvious. I really didn’t have much of a choice. The power of my will is intense, and sometimes my choices seem limited. One thing I do that is unique when I read the Tarot is I draw an extra card at the end of the reading. I call it the High Card. It guides me with a more intuitive nature. It simply is something else that goes along with whatever message the Tarot has given me. I do my readings to simply try to fill in the blanks of events that happen around me. I seek the Truth, trusting in the interconnected influence of the Universe. The reading that I have been blogging about lately had Temperance as the High Card.

Temperance. If I was going to script a reading, which I was, hopefully jokingly, accused of, this would have been the perfect card for this position in the reading. Patience and balance. The angel who watches over us. I hope the Angels will smile upon me. Since I have never had a Tarot reading not be accurate, I thank them in advance for helping me settle things out.

I’ve been trying to hard lately. I need to simply smile and act with confident assertiveness. I am Arestao. I am the overwhelming rage of Ares, the conceited and the self-righteous. I am also the Tao. Some things I can control, some things I can’t. My emotional balance is sometimes suspect. All I can do is focus on my program to make the rest of me as balanced as I can. I have made mistakes and I intend to correct them.

So what do I do now? I will focus in on Me. I will focus on Now. I’ll give things time and space. I’ll try to be more like the Hanged Man then the Seven of Wands. The Hanged Man precedes Death in the Tarot and is subsequently followed by Temperance. Interesting, simply because of another reading that I did recently involving Death and the Hanged Man. There seems to be a message here that maybe I’m starting to understand.

Deep and moving. I guess I should appreciate the parasite in my body of flesh for my emotional nature. My rationality and spiritual connection are so overwhelmed by pure feelings. Like a drug soaking through my being my hopes and dreams well up in pure feeling. We can label them however we will, they simply are something special. I will apologize for my actions but I can never apologize for my feelings. This is a good thing. Thank You.

 

August 1st, 2007

Yes, the Dream was so much better then reality.  That was the dream I had two days ago.  Today's dream was purely a reflection of the inside of my head.  Neurotic dreams.  I can be honest about this.  Honest with myself, just as I try to be open and honest with others.

Intention.  I value acting to help people.  I value honesty.  I value open communication.  I need to value the moment more.  That is all we ever have, this moment.  Acceptance.  Zen.  Mindfulness.  We are each unique and special in our own ways.  Today I will try to appreciate this fact.

Smile for me, and I'll smile for you.

July 30th, 2007

I simply sneer right now. Feelings. The dream seemed so much better then my waking reality today. What does the dream say about me? Let’s take for a minute that your dream is simply a reflection of your inner mind and nothing else. Who is it that stands before me smoking in the dream, overwrought and needing to vent? Why? What does it symbolize about me? More importantly how can I empower myself with the knowledge of it. Where will it take me?

The Tarot has never been Wrong.

The Dream and the Tarot are completely opposing forces. I wish both where truly magickal but I accept that they are messages. I sneer. I sigh. The lesson? Am I heading forward or backwards?  I am heading forward. I am better today then I was yesterday. I seek Wisdom, I seek Peace, I seek Love. That is where this little play began back in March. The first Act was pretty weak, but it certainly set up the second act. This second act is a little more rewarding. I wonder if the first and second acts will merge in the third act. Humm! I no longer sneer and sigh, but smile. Once again all I got is right now. Zen. I can hope for tomorrow or cry about yesterday, but all that truly matters is right now. Zen.

Baby steps. Each little step leads you forward to the next. Maybe I need to ask the Tarot about the Dream.

Let me speak in English now. I feel better now, though I hate to speak too soon. I’ve been eating Activia yogurt and Gatorade. Too much sweat, too much heat. The Gatorade balances my electrolytes lost during my new and improved commitment to cardio-workouts. The Activia works to help your digestive system work more efficiently. I mix mine with ground flaw seeds and dry oats. So I feel better.  I set up links to each product so you can learn the science behind them.  Remember your body is a machine.

I would also be lost without my Ephedrine/Caffeine combination. I take a lot of flack for taking the stuff. I also have the same people ask me if I can spare some. You can take your prescription anti-depressants, your Saint John’s Wort, your pot of coffee. Me I’ll stick with three tiny pills that cost about 12 cents a dose. Feeling down they light ya up. Feeling tired they boost ya up. I would only recommend them for people who are fit, and realize they are defiantly not for everyone. This is not an endorsement simply an admission. I felt depressed when I started writing and after my artificial joy I now see my mood was simply in my head. It also gave me the juice to workout and that helps your mood as well.

Joy crossed by Strength. 

July 27th, 2007

I think my body is telling me I need to put more premium fuel in the gas tank. I think it is also telling me to take it easy. I wish I was lifting weights right now instead of feeling like death warmed over. Mint tea, Ice water and hopefully a wake up call for smarter eating. A really good sleep would be nice too.

And my mental state. I meditated in the river valley on Sunday and expect to do the same on Saturday. It was beyond peaceful. I feel good, trusting in the Universe. I smile softly in a very balanced place. Zen. I’ll hope to hang with this for a while.

You make your own choices in life but they are total blocked in by the world around you. You have complete free will but are limited by fate. I made a choice near the end of March that hopefully help me follow the path I have been guided to. The choices I have made are clearly mine. I could have gone in a different direction. When I tell people this was the only choice I could make, I am not lying. The path I am on is the one that I want to be on. The one before it, was equally my choice. You make the best choices you can in life. Your choices though are blocked in by Fate and the mysteries of your mind. Today I am very thankful for the choices I have been given. I’ll always wish my mind was a little less messed then it is though. Cosmic Resonance perhaps.

 

July 22nd, 2007

O.K. Maybe I have been too harsh in the past. Perhaps I wasn’t as open to things as I should have been. I am pulling up the Tenets of Arestao to see if I have become a Hypocrite. Nope, I’m still good. Actually my actions are exemplary of the Arestao Mythos. I am actually actively observing the gospel of them. Yes. I’m not a hypocrite. What about You?

Next. Karma and Zen. This is a lesson I constantly touch on because I believe it is so important. I also get caught up in the games of lesser beings. When you truly live life right, then the pathetic games of others shouldn’t matter to you. This is the standard of perfection that is so difficult to obtain but so powerful if you could master it. Karma. You need to be making the right decisions in life. Plain and simple, all you can do is act with the understanding that all you control is your own actions. Results are meaningless. All you control is this very moment.

Life is a lesson. Everything is something to teach you. Understanding, wisdom, liberation. So many people chase the ups and downs of empty highs to naked ends.

Why? We all share in this Great Mystery. The Question without an Answer. I wrote this as a way of attempting to communicate to someone why tragedies happen. Why do some people have to experience more heart ache and pain then others? The answer is that we don’t understand this. Most people fail to even have the empathy for others to appreciate their suffering, let alone comprehend it. The universe unfolds around us, all we control is us. Some days things suck.

Now that art that accompanies this piece. My current muse inspired this piece. The colors relate to the energies of the 4^th and 6^th Chakras. I choose these colors specifically, attempting to match their energies with my intentions. The flora symbolizes the growth, the life, the nurturing energy of life. It’s emerald essence symbolizes the loving energy that should unite us all. I represent it as ethereal though, demonstrating the fact that it is there but often missed by Society. In the background, Sigils and mysterious notes empower the scene. We hunt for understanding but often are left as clueless. Why? Why? What does it all mean? Why is this happening to me? At the top, they break through, from There to Here, attempting to help. From beyond I welcome them forward, realizing only through acceptance shall we be saved.

Zen. The 3 of Swords is still lunged in me. I smile realizing the pain will give way to my reward. Appreciation. Acceptance. Strength, I need to gather mine and focus it. Strength and patience. Zen.

July 18th, 2007

Perseverance. People disappoint me. I don’t understand why though. I disappoint people all the time, cause me I am. I disrespect people all the time, cause me I am. I fracture people in an attempt to strengthen them. I’ll have to look at the 3 of Swords piercing me as a lesson and a beacon to the Truth. Once again I am failing to clearly envision the cards. The Tarot reflected my current life. If everything happens for a reason then this disrespect must be a part of the great plan, the path before me.

My morality is beyond them, obviously. My mentality is alien to them. I walk the path that They laid out before me, and I walk it with purpose and poise. I am willing to fail, accepting that I have done all I could to succeed and realizing failure is subjective in life.

Have you noticed the difference I mean simply through the terms "they" and "They". One is capitalized, signifying beings far more special and significant then those I label as "they". The same goes when I mention "Here" and "There".

My mother mentioned to me today about phantasms that my Grandmother sees. She questions her mental balance. Some people have more access to the worlds around us then others. Some of us are far more accepting that this is simply one layer of our being. The parasite within us resides in our physical bodies, but it is not our physical body. Our flesh and blood are simply that, the shell of our soul, as some would say. I am aware of things beyond this plane of existence, why shouldn’t my grandmother. Why aren’t we all?

I’ve been listening to a lot of Goa Trance music lately. We hold the technology to transform our perceptions beyond tonight’s episode of American Idol, but most lack the courage to venture to the unknown. Music can change your emotional state, and your perceptions. Now I also like to mix verbal imagery into the background of trance music. The things we could learn from the C.I.A. Too bad all the research that the secret organizations around the world have done is classified. The power of the information could truly create a Nirvana on Earth. This is yet another Paradox. All the most repressive institutions of our Society hold the understanding to liberate us. They also keep the mainstream researchers from participating in the same types of research.

I just finished a new piece. It was inspire by she with the feeling of Fae. I’ll elaborate on my meaning for the piece later. I need to go work out now. Peace Out.

 

July 17th, 2007

I stand in a field filled with wild flowers and bizarre weeds. The air is filled with scents of pure wildness. I feel a sense of strength and understanding. I hear things. Birds, insects, the echoes of lost dreams. I hear doubt and ignorance, but find it is quickly drowned out by a breeze that flutters the flora around me. I stand tall, knowing I appreciate this more then anything. I realize patience is a form of Zen. I realize I have set things in motion that I hadn’t a year ago. I have the sense of Temperance upon me. I stand tall and wait, appreciating this time I have to be me.

I stand alone, surrounded by them. They are at peace with being themselves. I am at peace with them. I walk forward and see the brightly colored table in the field of all that we take for granted. Like the Tea Party from Alice in wonderland, the scene is innovative and surreal. They smile at me, and offer me a chair. I am not simply waiting, I am living within. They offer me sustenance, and reflect back my own immaterial immortality. I do not seek to have a nicer kitchen or greener yard here. I have stepped beyond your limitations. I am both where I was, and where I’ve been sent. This journey has definitely been thought provoking. I am also very much in both avenues. I hated being sent back, and really appreciate being there again. I am also very optimistic about being here. The quest I was on has branched me down a different path. The Moon has been replaced with something better. There is no way I would have dreamed of being where I am right now. I am confused and unsure, but filled with power of the message. I sit with them and realize no matter what will transpire I have gained insight that I had given up on a year ago.

My rationalized delusion has led me to a very different destination. Are there beings that are touched by the Fae? Is she one? Am I crazy to even ask such a question? These are all questions I can not answer. There seems to be something Here that makes me feel There. Is it her energy, her mentality, or is there a link between Her and Her, between Here and There. I simply follow the path, knowing with keen observation and open appreciation I will see what I need to see. Thank them in advance for all I am.

When I go for something, I go full force, trusting that my intent is far more important then my results. I am different and value risk more then stability. Going where many would fear to tread is also a big factor for me, I truly like to empower those who might have had their inner peace taken from them. I am saddened by the amount of people that settle for what they don’t appreciate. I am delighted that I am on this path, at great risk to myself, hoping for a great return on my investment of time. So many people prefer to settle, not willing to wait. Others wait for nothing. I wait for an answer knowing no matter what I have a home among these wicked weeds and wild flora.

 

July 15th, 2007

Experience and appreciation. Have I been acting hypocritically lately? To a certain extent I would say Yes. That being said, I’ll stick with my "if you do the wrong things, for the right reasons, you have done the right thing." I have been behaving contrary to the purist ideas of Taoism and Buddhism. I seem to have been able to balance things much better though.

I have no excuses. This is all I got. I got home Friday morning and watched some poker. Phil "The Unabomber" Laak was playing, my personal favorite. As I watched, I realized how much I like the analogy of poker to life. You get your cards. You calculate your chances. You watch for signs. You fold when you don’t like your cards. When your short stacked, meaning you ain’t got much cash left, you might go all in when you got a hand that you think is worth playing. Going all in means taking everything you have left and betting it. I like the feeling of going all in. It is who I am. I can’t be you. I seek experiences far different then most. I am an individual far more then a member of Society.

Does it pay off for me? I see lot’s of other people who would prefer to play for easy stakes. That bores the hell out of me. My pride and joy is this website; more so the philosophy behind it. I hate Society, I hate the rules that don’t make any sense. I crave things others cringe at. I smile my grin of conceit and disrespect, knowing I am me. I have been very edgy lately. I made my decision, I respect your help, I appreciate the observations that make me contemplate "Why?".

Why? That final card in my last Tarot card reading. Every ounce of me needs it to be. It means so much to me for so many reasons. For so long I drew the Tower, the Moon, the Hermit, the Hanged Man. This card means so much to me. Maybe this has become more about the Card then it is about Her. I thought I was making the right decision and all I saw was the the Moon, symbolizing Illusion, or perhaps Delusion. I ran out of choices and I hit, this. I smile. This was not a rational choice. This is pure Joy. Laughter and lunacy. Maybe there is more to this then meets the eye. I spoke of an Unseelie Fairy Princess before. I go back and read the stuff I wrote in May about her. "Bravery, or Lunacy, or both, is needed." Maybe someone has a distant cousin?

Bravery and Lunacy. Ya, this seems to be me. This makes me think about the piece I did in the middle of May. Will this opportunity help me gain a small sliver of that which I truly seek? I was so sure about my last project and so unsure about this one. Maybe I should reflect upon this fact, I was so focused on my last project, that I totally ignored this current one. It was in the back of my mind that day in April. The timing alone is very interesting. This timing seems to be much, much better. To be so rational and now so focused on this avenue of dementia, and so delighted doing it. I ignored the Tarot last time. I tried to outsmart it. I didn’t simply let go. I’ll try to let go this time. Zen.

If you haven’t already figured out which Tarot card I drew, there was a reference to how I never draw this card in my postings from about 2 months ago. Or E-mail me and I’ll let you know.

 

July 11th, 2007

Do people really ever know you? I have been paying a lot of attention to the Chris Benoit reports in the media. The emphasis is on how this act wasn’t like Chris. This wasn’t the man everyone knew on a daily basis. Yet he committed an unspeakable atrocity. No one saw it coming. Did anyone ever look, or do we just lack the understanding to comprehend people.

O.K. That was my set up, but this entry is all about me. People really fail to understand other people, especially people who act outside the norm. If you drink too much, gamble, and hate your wife you’re understandable. If your mental bearing is skewed, no one has a chance of understanding you. This website focuses on very few of my deeper beliefs. I try to keep it understandable for the most people I can. I encourage some people to check out my website to gain a small insight into who I am. There are others who I don’t, realizing as much as I think well of them, they wouldn’t get it. I mean to them it would seem like this site is written in Latin. I am one very different dude. I hate society. I accept this is Malkuth, and simply try to cope with things.

I walk the path I walk. I pride myself on not backing off from the fools journey. I can only be me. People tell me what I’m suppose to do. If I haven’t been to class for the last 10 years, I really don’t think I can ace their test. What do I truly want? That is what I go for. Fuck it. Call me crazy. Call me dysfunctional. I follow the path.

The path. So far the Tarot card reading has been 100% accurate. I am amazed, and hope with every once of my heart that it comes through to fruition. Never has the Tarot failed me. I look at the one cup still standing and await to drink from it. The swords in my back are nothing, compared to the Joy I felt. The pain I now suffer is dulled by the understanding of the Universe. I thank all who have helped me. I ask Anael for this Blessing.

So. Fuck Me. How much pain have I inflicted to get people to realize their failings? How much pain have I caused by my latest fools errand? I felt bad for hurting someone to their core for about 5 minutes. I deserve this, as long as the rainbow holds the gold. I guess I will appreciate the disrespect as a lesson from the Universe. Stand tall, walk with your crazed conceit, and await the inevitable. And smile, cause tomorrow never comes, all you got is today. I’ll appreciate that I have the mental clarity to understand this, something Chris Benoit didn’t have.

 

July 8th, 2007

I have never had a Tarot card reading that has never proven itself to be valid. Never. I cast the cards today, and saw the reading I have always hoped for. So I’ll suffer. So I’ll hurt. And I’ll wait. Zen. More then Zen though.

I thank my Sister. She had every cliché in the book. Words are meaningless. It’s not the words that matter. It’s being there. That’s what I needed. Appreciation is one of the things I really get. I worry right now about myself, when really the message is I should be worried about another person. I don’t think I’m ever unjustified in my own despair. The message I received matters though changes my focus.  What was it I spoke about in my last posting? Oh yes, the value of stupid actions partaken in noble intentions.

What else was within my mental spectrum today? Live your life like your going to die tomorrow. Act with the courage that your actions are pure of heart. Be willing to fall. I have been so limited in my actions lately that this seems like a good time to go all in. Another reference to a past posting. Or, to put it another way, if you already look like an idiot, how much worse can it get.

The cards guide me, and ground me. Today they offer me the courage to follow the path of the story of the Tarot, the fools journey. I trust them completely.

July 7th, 2007

Where did I leave off? On a metaphor, oh Yes, now I remember. I’m as happy appreciating the moment as much as I was in the moment. Understanding. Appreciation. Experience. I smile, the twisted grin on my face reflects my inner love of my dark embrace. Experience. Indifference. I simply want the brass ring.

Balance. I am here in the material of Malkuth. Here I interact in a world of frailty and impermanence. If I act with purity and conviction, I enrich myself. Consequences are unimportant in comparisons to pure actions. If I act with honor and trust, how can I fail? I smile having already achieved a small goal. I hope to refocus on that which truly means something to me. Once again I realize all I can do is act with integrity and understanding. This is Malkuth, the Kingdom, the proving ground.

Malkuth. I think about my obstacles. Does this mean something? Of course it does. I’m trying to over come my obstacles, but some are so daunting. I smile knowing where it will lead me though. My challenges are simply Experiences. I will appreciate them and try to focus in on the lesson I should learn. I will act with faith. It has been so nice.

Overcome the Missed Opportunities of Others. This has become so paramount to my understanding since I wrote it. Is it not applicable to each and everyone of us? Do we not become so blinded by others that we lose sight of ourselves? Should I have a deep sense of thanks to she that made me realize it? Her smile so sweet, her place in my heart timeless. Thank you for all you have given me.

I want to write something else, but I think it hurts me too much to discuss. An aspect of a lost community. We have so shattered our values. Actually our parents shattered our values, we simply are paying the consequences. Freedom. Liberation. Equality. The murder of values. Illusionary delusion. C’est la Vie. Tick Tock, Tick Tock. How many people have I hurt in the last week? And what did I hope for? Time to go back There, if simply for tonight. I believe I will be able to return There soon. I guess I do need to keep moving down my path. Funny what I would call a masochistic act. Who knows, maybe my path has a fork in road. Whatever.

Be Zen. Be true to yourself.

Overcome the Missed Opportunities of Others.

A quick thanks to all those who reflect my good will back at me. I should appreciate this, because these are the acts that truly mean something. I have too often dismissed them because consequences left me empty. Maybe these selfless intentions should fill my emptiness. Thank you.

 

July 5th, 2007

Experience and Appreciation.  I could get all self-righteous, like I'm so good at, but maybe I should just be more Zen today.

The Sunshine and Warmth warms me to my core Today. I breath in deep enjoying the tranquility, the delight of the bliss of nature. I’m listening to Trance music today instead of my usual hardcore music. Everything is connected. As high as I am though, I realize I could be just as low tomorrow. I’m try to balance my joy. All the same, it feels wonderful.

Balance. The highs and the lows of life. I am very moody, but don’t always come across as so because I constantly use social masks to hide my moments were I am down. It is a nice trait to have and I would encourage anyone to adopt it. Depressed negative people are downers. It is amazing how much more fun it is to be around someone who is high on life. Sure it is phony as can be, and I usually endorse being actively honest. What you can do by hiding your disappointments with daily living, is transcend them. By pretending that everything is great you can change the way your brain is releasing chemicals to your body. You actually create your own reality by pretending. This won’t work for every problem, but thankfully my problems are pretty simple. That’s probably how I like things, pretty simple.

Now me, I’m just hoping to ride this wave I’m on. You’re pretty much doomed to fall eventually, but like a world class surfer, I’ll just try to ride it as long as I can. Aloha.

 

July 2nd, 2007

Thank you.  I received the most hits ever on my website in June.  I often feel a disconnect with the world around me.  I am not alone in my disillusionment with our world.  I am not alone in the search for understanding, for acceptance.  Many are simply unwilling to open there eyes to the idea of Why.  Many more are completely incapable of understanding the very question of existence.  This site is for those of us who have a deeper level of questioning.

When I started the site I blamed everything on Society.  Perhaps our Society is simply a reflection of our plane of existence.  According to the Kabbalah, this is Malkuth, the Kingdom, the bottom of the Tree of Life.  Perhaps repairing the damage we cause through our Society is not the answer.  Perhaps the answer lies in the resiliency and growth of the individual.  Experience and Appreciation.

Your input is always welcome.  I appreciate the time you give me to listen to my ramblings.  Hit the contact me button to the left or E-mail me at Zenrage@shaw.ca.   Questions, comments, or your own Bio, let me know what you think.

 

July 1st, 2007

Today totally sucked.  It was a fantastic day.  Perception, acceptance, understanding.

Well, that was a really weird weekend. It felt like I was on a roller coaster. In the end though, I didn’t move at all. Did I learn something from this? Yes. I wanted a certain outcome to come about, and it didn’t. Every time I was ready for the next loop of the roller coaster I realized I was filled with anticipation and questioning. I wanted to ride the roller coaster, I bought a ticket, buckled in, and then nothing. I sit here now and don’t understand why this happened. I also realize, more so then I ever have before, that this happened for a reason.

What is familiar about this weekend? Everything. What it tells me disturbs me though. Regrets? No. I still got a flicker of hope left. Now when you reach a point where you have, only a flicker of hope left, you really should be working from a very limited position. That isn’t where I am though. Perception is where the truth lies. I realize this all is happening for a reason. As much as I think it would make more sense for my life to change, maybe I am becoming something else. Where is my allegiance and where is the allegiance of the majority of the World? Only I realize the beauty in that Story of the Book.

Nuns and monks both place their existence in Faith. They have been guided through a belief in Christianity or Buddhism, and entered a sacred communion with their beliefs. I appreciate the fact that I am in a similar position. I have pure Faith. There is no difference in the outcome, no matter how differently you arrive upon it. I attempt with my entire being to overcome the limitations placed upon me, but in a mystical sense the Universe overcomes me. I wish I could retain this wisdom on a daily basis. I wish I could retain this wisdom on a daily basis. I need not consult the Tarot for this lesson. I do need to figure out how to permanently impress it upon my mental self.

It is so easy to forget the lessons we are fortunate enough to learn some days. Everyone seems to like to settle into their patterns. I know I would like to. I know where I was 2 years ago when I came up with my website idea. Reading it then was not like reading it now. Its less preachy and more personal. My perspective has changed. Did it change on that day I remember so well? The snide bullshit comment that has haunted me ever since. No. I don’t think so. As much as stuff stays the same, sometimes things just change.

Know thyself. That is my advice for today. I know myself. I accept who I am. I realize what I can change and what I can’t. Biological and historical things are beyond my ability to overcome. All I can do is live in the moment to maximize my true potential. That is all any of us can do. I appreciate my potential, I also must appreciate my limitations. That is Life.

 

June 29th, 2007

Sometimes I can’t help but write. Other times I just don’t know what to say. Other times I want to say something but I can’t. No, I won’t. Unlike a journalist who must fill their daily quota, I have the power to refrain from speaking. This website is about general consumption. My personal itinerary is largely missing for a more positive global approach. Now some people will read this and say, "this is positive?" People who know me will understand I don’t like to hold back. I do hold back though. It is important to do so to transmit as much implement able information and insight into my blog.

I’m finding it hard right now to change my perception. I know all I need to do is to realize the bliss that I now experience, the blessing I hold. I hunger for a change though. My rational mind is working against my Faith. My pride, conceit and vanity are overwhelming my Divinity. I need to simply accept that I have acted as I should and hold my faith that the garden I have planted will grow. I feel the earth beneath me and look for blossoms. Perhaps the soil is too dry? I have watered the ground and still see nothing. Do I not wait long enough before I toil the soil? Right now I’m just tired. I’ll come back soon to see if there are buds popping up. I really want to smell the flowers.

Fortitude. My lesson for today is fortitude. Why? I always look at this life as simply training for what Eternity has in store for you. I don’t believe your 80 years here will mark your place for all eternity. I believe your life experiences hone you for what is to come, in the planes beyond. So fortitude is what I will practice. I shall strive forth, with my hands open, offering myself to those that enchant me. I walk path with fortitude. Today is all I have.

 

June 24th, 2007

Interesting.  What more can I say about how things happen for me.  What have I learned lately?  I've learned that some things in life just don't make sense.  Malkuth.  I need to maintain a steady sense of who I am to overcome these things.  I can't fail when I accept the fact that destination doesn't matter, it is simply the journey that I live for.  Once I knew great bitterness.  I realized I have been given a challenge different from those around me.  I need to be thankful that I can walk this special path.  I appreciate that it fits in with who I am.  That being said I constantly strive to overcome the limitations my path has placed upon me.  Tomorrow will never be the same as yesterday, cause all we ever have is today.

Overcome the Missed Opportunities of Others

I really think people miss a lot of their potential.  All I have ever wanted to do is help liberate people.  This website has brought me a lot of positive expressions.  I don't understand why so many people are oblivious to their Divinity.  Smart people.  What is the quotient needed to comprehend that which is, and that which isn't, and to realize they are both the same?

Now I was listening to some Christian rock today and I was blown away.  The song spoke of the power of Jesus, and how he helped build a hotrod.  "Jesus built my Hotrod", by Ministry is one of my favorite songs.  It just kicks ass.  I bring it up because I have listened to some Christian rock, and I always feel deceived by it.  Now I fell proud listening to Rammstein or Cradle of Filth, but when I'm listening to anything Christian I feel dirty.  You know what, that makes me a loser.  I need to be more accepting of these things.  I do limit myself by my admiration of the Rebel army.  It's a lot like being a Confederate sympathizer working for an advertising agency in New York City.  I strive to be more accepting of well done music with noble lyrics, even if the Ideology is suspect.  You should never get too caught up in a story book, no matter what side you are on.  That being said, I highly recommend Smile Empty Soul.  Very interesting lyrics, with real substance to them.  O.K. they are probably a little dark, and emo, but hey Arestao is all about the pains of our messed up society so I got to applaud these dudes.  www.smileemptysoul.com 

This weeks art project is an expression of disappointment and impatience.  Like I said I don't feel resentment and bitterness anymore, everything is simply as it shall be.  I serve a higher purpose.  I deal in faith, not compassion.  I respect the intangible, and appreciate simplicity.    "Here is the King of Dreams".  Hope is the enemy of disappointment and impatience.  My Hopes and Dreams may not be be within my path.  The destination I strive for may not be on the path beneath me.  All we ever have is Today.  Beneath us is only the Path.  Let us appreciate the moment.  Overcome the missed opportunities of others.

I step forward and find my disappointment has left me.  I appreciate the moment and impatience disappears.  "Here is the King of Dreams".  My journey continues. 
 

June 23rd, 2007

The most consistent thing about people is their inconstancies.

I've been watching a lot of UFC stuff lately.  The warrior mentality.  The training towards perfection.  The violent brutality.  Ares is proud.  It is also priming mw for a big workout day tomorrow.  

June 22nd, 2007

How can people live without full cable or Satellite? O.K. this is the most non-Arestao type rant I’m going to go one, but it actually isn’t. Network television is like fast food for your brain. People spend too much time watching TV. and then even worse talking about it. Me, I like my shows intelligent. The Naked Archaeologist, Greg the Bunny (Demented and Funny show), Steven Colbert, Keith Olbermann, the Sopranos (Repeats are so Classic), Dexter. You people are missing out on so much.

The new White Stripes disk is simply awesome. I’ve always loved the Blues. George Thorogood and the Fabulous Thunderbirds were always so sweet. The mix of tradition blues elements with a modern power and energy. I also like Rockabilly and Surf music too. The White Strips once again bring the lyrical traditions and heart of the blues to a truly modern sound. The Icky Thump is definitely the pure sonic energy, and the Video makes the meaningless, meaningful. I also love, "You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just do as you’re Told)." I find meaning in the lyrics that I’m sure aren’t intended as such. I also smile at the meaning the lyrics do tell. I’m gonna shut up right here and Grin. Maybe the Feds ain’t the only ones monitoring my site. Love Ya.

Now, I’m sitting here sweating. My legs ache. I flex and smile. I strive to make myself perfect in a world of total and complete imperfection. I take great joy in knowing everyday people are reading my thoughts, hopefully sharing in my ideals. Is that enough though? No.

What about the echoes and reflections that we cast beyond here? Yes, that’s good.

And the fact that everyday is so short compared to Eternity?

And everyday I strive to be a better person. Well this isn’t really true.

All I do is strive for Transcendence, following the path before me, always looking forward.

I reach out my hand with kindness and hope.

The echoes and reflections will carry me forth, past all shadows and doubt.

 

 

June 19th, 2007

Experience and Appreciation.  The Meaning of Life.

Now this is all I really have for an answer to the question of why?  Now, I don't struggle with the question very much.  I guess I found what I was looking for.  Now I have to live it.  I have everything I need, what I have to do is intergrate it into myself.  I need to build it into my being.  I'm as flawed as everyone else, but at least I have the knowledge to illuminate the ignorance that shadows us.

Know thyself.  This sounds so simple but I find most people are completely delusional about who they are.

Have the courage to leap.  I was posting an affirmation I wrote on my fridge when I "noticed" a treasure someone gave me long ago.  It's funny cause I never think about the person who gave it to me, nor did she ever teach me any valuable lessons about life.  I needed to see this today.  Maybe it will help someone else out there today.  Here is the treasure that I was given, many years ago.  http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Spa/8183/abc.html

 

June 18th, 2007

I'd much rather be doing some art right now then writing this.  I deleted everything I wrote yesterday.  So let's talk about existence within a flaw world.  I have a caustic personality.  Is this really who I am though?  Is it what I have become?  Is it a mask I wear?  Is this simply a coping mechanism.  Which part of "Me" is more sincere, Super sweet or Mr. Vicious.  It is so easy to be nice to people.  I believe it pays off in a cosmic sense, since it's never really served me well on Malkuth. 

I'll share a quote someone gave me before that really said it all, "You're the nicest guy I've ever met, your also the most demented guy I've ever met."  [Editorial comment suppressed with a smile]  I'm almost expecting the person who said it to turn up in my life soon, especially after the events of last week.  She probably won't but I wish her well wherever she may be.  Her quote will always stay with me.  Only one other sentence has meant that much to me in the past 10 years.  No matter how nice I may be, I have a difficult time existing within our culture.  I gleefully accept adjectives that others abhor.  I will stand by my deep morality and tell you they are simply ignorant.  My critics will tell me I'm callous.  Whatever.  The point of the quote is, no matter how sweet you may be you will always be ostracized for your uniqueness.  I've been in many a situation where I was ostracized for simply being sweet though.  So maybe what she was trying to tell me is two negatives don't make a positive.   

People usually like me much better when I'm Mr. Vicious though.  It's actually totally true, sugary sweet people can be so totally lame.  It is also another pathetic example of a messed up society.  Mr. Vicious is never a bully, always a maniac crusader seeking to destroy ignorance and stupidity.  Mr. Vicious is always rational, cold and calculating.  Mr. Vicious is callous, but he is always just.  He seeks truth and understanding and deplores political correctness as we practice it.

Political correctness would be awesome if it truly served to liberate us.  It is meant to create understanding and respect but has instead weakened us as a Society by propping up the weak rather then liberating uniqueness.

Which part of me is the real me though?  A fleck of sand in the hourglass of infinity.  I'll smile knowing that was the most meaningful quote I ever received.  It was true at age 5.  It's true now.  I'll treasure her memory forever, and her words that will always remain true, "Your the nicest guy I've ever met."  My friend tells me he's sure she's...

Well I guess this turned out better then I thought it would.  I'm still waiting...  Waiting for you.

      

June 16th, 2007

Well, the Universe gave me another chance at something.  I don't exactly understand the synergy of the event but it made me smile.  The good part of taking grave offence to little slights, is that I take great joy in small comforts.  Since my mental breakdown in early April, the little thing that stands out most in the mind is the bunny I saw in the river valley.  I don't live for the magnificent events to strike at me, I appreciate the minute.  Yesterday I got one more minute event that meant a lot to me.  Gratitude.  Appreciation.  Sometimes things that are meaningless can hold meaning to those willing to appreciate them.

Truly, how much more meaningful will your life be if you appreciate all these minor blessings.

 

June 13th, 2007

I am always trying to better myself, trying to overcome barriers that prevent me from succeeding in life.  Hypnosis, affirmations, Tarot, meditation.  I can overcome the mental and the physical, but I don't know how to manage emotional issues as well.  Emotions are a subconscious event, but they are more then that.  They are irrational.  They aren't spiritual.  They aren't mental.  They are a human occurrence.  I'll need to dwell on this issue more.

In the mean time, I'll try to balance the things I do understand out to offset the struggles I don't understand, and seem to have little control over.

So it's time for a refocus.  I want to continue forward on the path I'm on, I simply want to focus on the scenery around me for a while, and hope the destination will work out O.K.  A new affirmation would probably be a good place to start.  I draw a Tarot card from the deck to guide my affirmation.  Death.

Death is actually a really cool Tarot card symbolizing change.  There are lot's of cards that I don't like to see, the Tower for instance.  Death is usually a good omen, unless of course if everything was going perfect already in your life, then it might indicate a change for the worse.  I also use the Vertigo deck, and if you know what that is then you know who Death is, and that ain't half bad. 

I also want to add herbal antioxidants to my diet to complement the green tea and berries that I have been enjoying everyday.  Rosemary is suppose to be very useful herb for it's antioxidant properties.  Another change I will have to make is walking more.  I've gotten kind of blasé about it lately.  I do miss the little birdies.

Most of my art is done by instinct rather then thought out.  As this one came together I got the idea that it was like spilt blueberry jam.  People usually over react to something like this, spilt jam on something important.  It might seem bad at the time, but compared to everything that could go wrong, is spilt jam really that bad.  I overreact in social situations sometimes.  This is my way of trying to comprehend things.  It sucks, but its really just spilt jam.  I hope you like it.  Double click-it to make it Big!

June 12th, 2007

Brilliant. A father sits with his loved ones in a family restaurant. The scene builds with subtle tension. Strangers pass by. What will happen? Meadow has trouble parking, after arriving late. She runs through traffic arriving at the restaurant door. Tony looks up. Black screen. Silence.

It always was a show about a Family. A real family, not your normal television wackiness. A father who loved his wife and kids. A father who tried to do the right things for his family.  A family with flaws.  Children embedded with a higher sense of purpose. What more could a parent truly want. O.K. I think maybe that is an unintended causation of parenting, building a higher purpose into your spawn. Money, grandchildren, and career, seem to be what Tony and Camilla really appreciate. If you can learn something from a program like the Sopranos, maybe it is that. Parenting can have unintended results.

Forget those you wanted something more from the finale, they obviously don’t get the show.

Me I think there is a lot of things I don’t get. I saw someone today who meant a great deal to me at one point in my life. I wish I could have said more, but I couldn’t. This happens to me a lot. I don’t understand why things take place the way they do. Like Tony Soprano I try to make sense of it, but things escape me. I hear the echoes within me. I wish for something more, but even understanding seems to escape me. I think there is something cosmic wrong, or right, with me. I wish I had a better grasp on things.

Patience, I have been told will be the answer. I guess I’ll smile with my appreciation that life is much deeper then most people can comprehend. I’ll take all the bad advice with an open heart, realizing it is meant with the best intentions. A fleck of sand on the seashore of the cosmos, my life is. I’ll keep listening to the advice of those two ladies that I trust most. Funny thing is I wish I could spend more time with them, or at least be able to share more. C’est la Vie. I got to walk the path that is before me, one step at a time.

June 8th, 2007

Will Tony Die?  Sunday will be the Finale of the Sopranos.  I see Tony as sympathetic character, someone flawed but striving to grow as a person.  He reaches out towards people for help, but never does anyone try to help him.  Rarely does his wife listen to the meaning behind his messages.  He often attempts to foster a dialogue of understanding with those around him, but rarely does his friends clue in to his internal needs.  Tony is the one with depth, those around him are oblivious to his suffering.  His shrink deserts him based not upon her relationship with her client, but because of social conditioning and peer pressure.  He murders Christopher after he has been let down one time too many.

If I was Tony, I would have whacked him too.  Whiney, pathetic drug using loser.  How many chances do you think you get in life Chrissy!    

I could care less if Tony lives or dies.  David Chase has brought us an examination of relationships.  Unlike sitcoms were unreal interactions take place with "regular people", the Sopranos takes a "exotic" genre and tells a story that is far more realistic.  Sometimes the stories are poor, but there is always an interesting interaction of personalities.

So Dead or Alive, Tony will always live on as a T.V. Classic.

June 3rd, 2007

June is already much better than May was.  Since it's spring I hope the seeds I have planted will continue to grow.  Maybe one day they will Blossom into something Beautiful.

It is hard to be Zen.  Hard to be focused on the moment.  It is so easy, for me at least, to anticipate, to worry.  Zen.  The Wheel of Fortune is always spinning.  All you can do is hope for the best and wait till it stops.

So let me change onto a less typical conversation.  There are all sorts of diets out there.  People are always thinking about getting healthy, and trying different things.  Baby steps and perseverance are the keys to success.  You have to want to be healthy more then you want to eat that bag of chips, and trust me there have been a few days lately I wanted some chips.  Me I'm on an Anabolic diet.  You eat every 3 hours.  You can make better food choices when you aren't motivated by hunger.  You focus on protein and nutrients.  You stay active, focusing on building muscle, more then doing Cardio.  The more muscle you have the more calories you burn doing whatever you are doing.

What about You?  How do you nourish the Machine that you are.  My diet means I have to plan ahead to have food available when I need it.  I am very comfortable eating the same meal day after day (brown rice and chicken), cause I know what I want.  I want to nurture the Machine.  Every diet has some wisdom to it, the challenge is finding the right program for you.  Know thyself might be the preface to any diet book you look at.  If it ain't for you, you will never stick with it.  Perseverance.  Baby steps.  It's time to step forward.

May 29th, 2007

Change your Perception, Change your World. 

Focus on that which you can control.  Appreciate the moment.  Appreciate the luck you have had in life.  We all have to deal with issues that complicate our existence and trample our hopes and dreams.  That is life.  This is Experience.  It really wasn't what I thought I meant when I originally wrote the "Experience/Appreciation" bit.  I've been following a narrow, winding path lately.   I have been so focused on the destination that I am missing everything that this path is giving me.  Experience.  I gaining insight into things even though I'm finding it very disheartening.  I could have picked an easier or harder path, a different path.  I'm unique, I guess my path should be as well.  I also have an exit strategy available when I need it.  I realize it will be there for me, but only once the path I'm on has turned to a dead end.  I worry that it will, but then I realize all my yesterdays are long gone.  This path is meant for Today.

I would write a thousand more questions right now.  I have no answers right now.  In fact, being in the Here and now, I have only confusion.  Maybe that's the plan.   Nothing makes sense to me right now, is it beyond me, or am I beyond it.  Maybe I am the lucky one.  I check the Tarot.  I choose my question wisely.  The 8 of Pentacles, again.  Never the Lovers.  I smile.  I'll go workout now. 

And you?  What path are you on?  Are you challenging yourself?  Are you dancing in fire, praying for the Devine to make it rain?  What are you trying to achieve?  What are you questioning?  We are all here together.    

May 26th, 2007

I'm listen to the Ataris/Cranberries mix playlist right now.  Music is very important to me.  I like all types of music, but right now I'm feeling very Zen, so I like something a little more mellow and meaningful.  "No need to Argue", by the Cranberries is playing right now.  Simply haunting.  Every ounce of her emotion echos through the song.  Amazing.  I'm making my plans for tomorrow, glad to have the day off.  A little meditation in the river valley, a visit to an Unseelie Fairy Princess, then workout till the Sopranos come on.  I have experienced things in the river valley before.  Only in solitude do you dare contact the things Unseelie.  Bravery, or Lunacy, or both, is needed.  It is nice to be as rational and intellectual as I am so people listen a little more about my encounters with Astral beings.  Oh, and being masculine is also very important when mentioning the Fae.  With my stone cold grin , talk of mysteries make them seem possible.

So why am I so Zen today?  Appreciation for small wounds and disrespect.  It's hard to disrespect someone with a Zen mentality.  O.K., straight up my blood pressure went up 40 points for a couple hours today.  I  have noticed that the Universe likes to test my Zenness.  This is why true Zen Buddhism is only practice in Monasteries.   I appreciate the test though.  I appreciate the experience, even though it hurt me to my core for awhile today.  I still don't understand why things happen as they do though.  Challenges.  Experience.  Appreciation.  Thanks.

Maybe with the Blue Moon coming up on the 31st, I'll ask the Universe to test me a little more.  Anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger and all that.   The Blue Moon is where there is a second full moon in one calendar month.  It is a time of extra potent energy in the Universe to help you gain that which you seek.  The Astrological attribution of this Full moon makes it especially important for communicating things.  Remember though, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.  And in magic, as you should in life, always respect others.  You have been warned!

 

May 25th, 2007

When you throw away your crutches, it's hard to stand sometimes.  You had them to help you walk through life.  They helped you cope, and now that they are gone, you got that void.  It was perfect for a while.  Then they decided it was time to deal with something else.  Forgive me if I am moody, it really is their fault.  "Just trying to help", they say with a smile and a shrug.  Good intentions will help me become more enlightened.  It's all just a fleck of sand really.  Those crutches did really suck, I guess.  Thanks.

Focus on the moment.  Hard to do sometimes when all you can see is the shadow of your Past, looming before you, appearing like your Future.  It is just a shadow though, an illusion.  All you really have is Today.  You can remember and you can hope, but the truth is all you can really do is act, because all you really have is right now.  This is true for everyone.

Click to Open

The past is an eerie shadow.  My crutches are broken, shattered pieces on the roadside of life.  All I have is now.  My foundation is as strong as it ever has been.  I trust in the Universe.  I'll listen to the advice of those I trust the most.  I'll appreciate every today.

 

May 22nd, 2007

Simplicity. Balance. Zen.

What is Zen?

Honesty with yourself and others.

Care for what you do.

Acceptance of the idea that this is how things are. You can not change yesterday. Tomorrow may never come. Today is all that ever really is. All you have is Today.

Sometimes people act like I present material that is beyond their place in life.

They think living with higher values is beyond them.

Is honesty beyond you?

Honesty is the first step. I have met a great many people who believe integrity is about not stealing material things. Integrity is about being consistently honest with yourself and others. It is about being open and honest in your communications with people. People like me because of my Integrity. If I tell them I’ll do something, I’ll do it. I rarely sugar coat things, but I speak honestly appreciating that my unsheathed words might cause some pain. You can take the pain two ways, roll over and die or try to prevent it from hurting you that same way again. I always try to temper honesty with wisdom, and I always try to act with love.

My message today is that my ideas are not a stretch beyond your comfort level. They are where you would have already been if your individuality hadn’t been suppressed. In a world without television, who would you be? Media and social programming weakens our natural states. Accepting this is the first step.

This is Today. Act with Integrity. Express yourself openly and positively. And smile, or grin. Laugh. Live with Integrity and feel who you are Today.

May 20th, 2007

I don’t worry much when I go to work. People worry too much. Now I hate Corporate America, our Governments, and most of our social conventions, so I got a big advantage in this area.  I’m also very good. The nice thing about Corporate Americas war on the middle class is you can always find another employer to pay you an average middle class wage. So don’t worry be happy. Me, I try to make the work place more exciting by ranting about the ineffective managers that companies put in key positions. You know the weak pathetic losers with the natural capacity to obey a failed corporate culture. Middle Management, Yes Men, or as I have recently began to call my bosses, Puppets on a string. Sell me your pride, your honor, your respect for a few dollars more and a cool title. I have never understood those individuals who hunger for a Job Title. Is your life that empty that you need a name plate on your office door telling the universe how great you are. That’s not for me. You can take your promotions and stick ‘em. Me, I work for cash. I get paid per second. Salary is game corporations play with the weak willed minions they need to man there material operations. I get paid to be there, paid to be as good as I am. I don’t get paid to care.

Now I care about the nice people who I meet in a day. The customers who simply need things and my co-workers with the similar working to live mentality. I try to make the work environment entertaining. Straight up, I am far more entertaining then fun. I also appreciate that people deserve more from the corporations that they deal with, and try to help those you act with respect and honesty. Everybody else look out. Regular people do enjoy watching me deal with someone without honor or respect.

Once again this isn’t suppose to be about me, it’s about you. Do you live to work, or work to live? Is your identity your job? Does it fulfill you? Something else is around the corner waiting. Sometimes there is more to life then money. Yes, I built a foundation to let me live this philosophy. I did what I felt was important at the time. Some would say I gave up a lot, but for me it was more then worth it. What is life worth to you?

Now as much as I said my anti-social mentally helps me at work, it does harm me in other ways.  My May 15th blog will attest to my thoughts on that.  That being said I think I balance things well.  I preach very rarely.  When I do I maintain a Zen basis for my observations.  I do pull off Zen well, even when my mind runs faster then Speedy Gonzales.  I speak knowing my message wield a sharp edge.  I focus on intention, and simply hope that people care.  Sometimes it is beyond people to care, and other times they just refuse to listen.  When people dismiss me, which happens rarely in general and consistently in specific, I simply offer up a prayer to the Universe.  Intention is the King.  I hold my hand hand open, hoping. 

 

May 17th, 2007

Do you try new things? Do you branch out from your comfort zone? Me, I’m actively looking to experience new things. The more I try though, the more I end up back where I was. That isn’t a bad thing by any sense, it just isn’t what I have been striving for. Long ago I took peoples advice to just "let things happen". Nothing ever happened. Where do I take my advice from now? Oh Yes.

It was my original goal to have a Tarot section on here. As I thought about it, I realized this would not be a great idea because my strength is not in understanding the meanings of each card, nor is it the ability to do a psychic reading. My strength is in understanding the process of how store bought cardboard cards can be a priceless tool of communication between you and the Universe. So let me send you off on a quest to open up your understanding of the Universe.

First go buy yourself some Tarot cards. Hey use this simply as an excuse to go shopping. Book stores are the most mundane spot to find the Tarot. New Age shops, Curio shops, and some gift shops also deal in these objects of Cardboard Mystique. Most set’s come with a little booklet. To begin all you need is a cheap, basic set of cards, the Rider-Waite, or simply Rider deck being the most common and most referenced deck. Using a carpenters tools as a metaphor, you need to learn how to build a simple bird feeder before you can redo someone’s house. It takes time to get an affinity with anything new. The only thing you need to understand is that you have to act to achieve anything. You still might fail, but even failure can be liberating.

Now once you got some cards, the first thing they tell you to do is not read the book. Study the cards. Connect with them. Realize that there is information out there available to you. These cards will help you access it to liberate yourself, to grow. Understand that life is not simply the here. Things happen for a reason, good and bad, and even this is a matter of perception. Change your perception, change your world. Once you have a general feel for the cards then it’s time to start to learn about them. A great site to check out is www.learntarot.com. This is an excellent place to start. I have used the book that the site is based on for along time and found it very useful.

There you have it. Everything you need to enjoy a deeper sense of communication with the Universe awaits you. All you have to do, is act. An object in motion, seeks to stay in motion. An object at rest, seeks to stay at rest. Decide what type of object you are. Besides most people are excited by Tarot. It’s cool, unlike Witchcraft which is less cool. Baby Steps.

 

May 15th, 2007

I'm in the best mood I have been in for a long time.  The moment of familiarity that I suffered yesterday seemed to reaffirm my focus.  The middle path.  Patience.  Trust.  A test of life.

Challenges make you stronger.  You got to listen to life and then act the best you can.  Why is something easy for one person, and yet so difficult for another?  Why do bad things, happen to good people?  If you think life is all about the Secret then you and I have got to disagree.  Life is about overcoming obstacles, appreciating the good moments, loving your family and friends.  The perfect thing isn't going to help you grow as a human being.  Cars, money, trophies of any sort isn't what life is about.  It is about experience and it is about appreciation.  If my web site offers you nothing else, then I offer you this.

Experience and Appreciation.  The Meaning of Life.

Sometimes I'm off base with stuff.  It doesn't matter.  I think I was off base with my interpretation of the Tarot yesterday.  When I read the cards I am not always sure what the message is.  I have reexamined the information and hope I now have a better, clearer, idea of the message.  Either way it made me think about me and how I can deal with experience.  It did expose to me one of my greatest fears.  Whether or not I am right, or whether I will face that fear, time will tell.

Here is a new piece that I did as a result of the reflective thinking that I did.  Some of my art is simply a reflection of my creativity and inner vision.  This piece has meaning to it for me.  The two ideas are linked but the phrase, to me, is not an answer to Acceptance.  I actually see Acceptance as the answer.  What do you think?

This is actually the second version of this piece.  The original phrase was, "It's not easy being Crazy".  My piece on May 1st is still my favorite.  Double click on it to see the real deal.  Make it your Wallpaper.  It's what I'm looking at right now.

May 14th, 2007

This blog was written over the course of a day.  It flows together but the first paragraph was in the morning, and the next two in the afternoon.  I'm mad at the Universe, but am a faithful servant of it's will.

Perfection of the species.  Do you go to a gym or fitness club to workout?  Awesome.  Good for you.  Why not get some weights for home though?  Get a set of dumbbells where you can adjust the weight with plates rather then a set weight dumbbell set.  Do some curls, shrugs, lunges as you watch T.V.  If you are already working out, you can use a quick workout at home to build up your weak spots.  Checkout the internet for exercises you can do to tighten up or bulk out your body.  Be the perfect you.

Goals.  Set some for yourself.  I try to continually better myself by working out, studying interesting things, and living a healthy lifestyle.  I also try to focus on dealing with people in an open, honest manner.  I can be a difficult person to accept, but I try everyday to appreciate my friends and family and all they give to me.  I try to deal with life's obstacles in a positive way, always going forward, never back.  These are some of the goals that I'm working on, but I decided to ask the Tarot what I should work on.  I received the message of the 8 of wands from another reading today, which told me to work hard on a project.  I simply returned to my cards to find out what type of project I should focus on.  I received a very unexpected card, yet when I think about it, it makes sense.

I've written about the Tarot before.  Now I am in a quandary.  The Tarot has aimed my focus towards something I am not good at.  I was hoping for something different and once again things shift on me.  Do you fail to grow as a human being, simply because of a fear?  Life is a challenge.  I have total and complete faith in the Tarot and it's message.  I have no faith that I can achieve this goal.  Both statements are based on my historical involvement with each topic.  The Tarot has always proven to be right.  Always.  For me to achieve this goal I will have to refocus myself to obey the will of the universe.  May God help Me.  Wow.  What an interesting day I have had.

 

May 13th, 2007

A lot of my blogs end up not getting printed on this site.  My editor has deemed them unwise for human consumption.  The funny thing is once I get something on here, it stays here.  I have never pulled a single line of text from the rantings of this lost traveler.  I guess my website should be like me, a little mysterious with a positive message of intention.  And my intention is too walk the middle path.  I have a hard time with this, but one side of the path told me I got to try and balance the other side.  I call out from here to there, so I better be prepared to listen and act when their answers come back to me.  For most, it is far easier here, but for me I find it challenging.  Always have.  Maybe the point is for me to try harder to walk this path.  I do give up when hurt, and return to there.  This is the first time I've been turned back.  I really should consult the oracle and see where the wheel will stop, but sometimes you just don't need to know.  You need to listen to the sounds you here and act.  Everything has its good and bad, because good and bad are ideas, senses of perception.  A blessing may sometimes end up as a curse, and visa versa.  I'll simply try to stay upright on the middle path.  Blessing or curse, I'll try to accept.  Blessing sounds so much better.

I write as an outlet of my never ending frustration with Malkuth.  Sometimes I fade to far.  I am gaining a deeper elasticity everyday though.  When I drift away from the middle path, I  find it much easier to return.  Today I awoke from a bad dream, with obvious reflections from my previous day.  Within minutes I turned my momentary darkness into a ball of light.  I planned forth my day, jumped up and made it happen.   I am willing myself to grow.  I pay attention to things.  I continually try to transcend my materiality, even when a material conjunction is what I am seeking.  Another day when I was less then impressed with the beings I have to co inhabit this world with, I wrote a little affirmation that I really found to be poignant.

Overcome the Missed Opportunities of Others

Trust in the Universe, your Purpose is Unfolding

My version of the middle path is also not the norm.  I worship dark gods not by choice, but by inclination.  My harsh views are based on logic, not on social programmed religious ideology.  I appreciate the fact I can see the difference, no matter how much alienation I might suffer because of it.

That is the thing I really don't think people understand about me.  I've done as people convinced me to before.  I've tried to be someone I'm not.  There is a difference between growing as a person and trying to conform to an identity.  One way you will liberate yourself, the other way you will not.  You follow the path you are on, mine is a whole lot different from yours.  I appreciate your uniqueness, appreciate the differences between us all.  I strive to be more patient and understanding everyday.  I try now to be kinder to those I respect.  I am meeting more people that I do respect.  I'm appreciative of this.  If you act in a way that is disrespectful to others, you know my wrath is harsh.

 

May 7th, 2007

Music changes my mood better then anything. Right now I have "Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot cranked to the Max! Some people are more influenced by food, sex, exercise, socializing, church, whatever. Me, I like music. I also like nature, but that's another topic. I’ve always been able to focus much better in the presence of hard rock. I feel the energy of the Music more often then the lyrical content when I want to get into a sense of Power. Lyrics put me in an emotional Yin mindset. It is to easy for me to get emotional so sometimes I need to refocus my spirit elsewhere. Raging metal puts me in the more Yang like mindset. If I’m going to work out I like some Jay-Z, LL, or Eminem. A different sense of Yang energy. Strength and power pours through my mind and soul.

Realizing what brings you Power is important. To often in our society we feel powerless. Our governments are corrupt and ineffective, our free market economy is filled with ignorant greed. We need to take back our mantle of strength from Societies overseers. Think about this for a moment. What is it in life that feeds your inner energy center? Now to think that my Chakras are feed by heavy rock probably says a lot about me. I need this though. Power.

Now I have created a new affirmation to help empower myself. An affirmation is a statement that you focus on showing you the outcome that you want, as already being so. It must be positive and meaningful to you.

"Trust empowers my Strength. Strength brings me Joy. Faith is Trust. I am Filled with Faith."

Affirmations are an easy tool to change your life in magnificent ways. This is also an example of chaining or linking concepts together, a form of NLP, or Neuro Linguistic Programming. The first statement is what I need to foster in my life, "Trust empowers my Strength.". What you don’t want to focus in on are doubt, stress, anxiety, or worry. Trust is my focus. The second statement reflects my understanding of myself, "Strength brings me Joy." I accept this as a fact, and it links the Trust strength idea to the concept of Joy. "Faith is Trust", is a linking idea. I see them as similar concepts, but believe one to be a physical representation, Trust, compared to Faith, which I understand to be a spiritual concept. I have issues regarding life, yet I have no spiritual issues. I need to link a concept I feel very confident in, Faith, with Trust which I relate to human interaction. I then empower myself with my unquestioning Faith. The entire concept links together. If Faith is just another way to think about Trust, which it is, then my subconscious will rethink my understanding of Trust.

As you can see from my example Affirmations are a great tool but need to be well thought out and personalized for each individual. Whatever you want to achieve in life you can help reach your goal with affirmations.

So I am ready to sit back and crack up some Mudvayne, Motorhead, and Rage Against the Machine, and meditate on my affirmation. Some deep breathing and herbal tea will help me relax and focus. Everyday I strive to be a better person. Everyday I try to grow wiser and stronger. Dynamic Acceptance. Another Paradox. How sweet.

The Chakras are an Eastern Mysticism concept originating from India 4 thousand years ago. (History is always suspect. This is just a brief over view of the concept.) Throughout your being are spinning energy vortices. These in conjunction with your Aura are all a part of your Energy Body. They are fuelled by Chi, and work to balance your being. Dis-ease, or Disease, is said to be caused by a lack of balance in your Energy Field. Ley lines would our planet’s version of Chakras. To even vaguely understand Chakras you need to study. Check the internet for some insight.

Oh and for everyone who has given me guidance and advice, I thank you. For everyone who shows me they care, thank you. Sadly everyones advice is different so I think I need to just be Zen about things. I simply need to act with strength, and live with trust. I thank you for your friendship though. Perhaps friendship is the greatest gift of all, and my lesson of the day.

 

May 5th, 2007

Sometimes people don't realize it takes a unique person to live the life I live.  A unique person sometimes acts in ways that you feel are wrong.  Does things that you can't understand.  Follows a path into a swirling mist, sure to meet their doom.  I dedicate this piece to all those who fail to realize once who've lost your grip on social sanity, a little doom can be a good thing.  I hope you enjoy it.  Look it's a Dragon.  This is also dedicated to my Mom.  Double click the Art to make it Big!

Remember with a little Hocus Pocus, a fairy at your shoulder, and a Dragon watching your back you just might find a little treasure at the end of your Fool's Errand.

 

May 4th, 2007

I was going to set up a Gallery Page to showcase my art.  What I am setting up instead is when you click on the reduced quality images here, a wallpaper quality shot will open up in a new window.  Only 2 current pictures have been set up like this so far, the May 1st and April 20th ones.  If using these for any non-personal usage you will need to pay me serious cash.  I respect the creative contributions of artists. and respect their ability to make money from their art.  Why are you looking at me like that?  Music downloading?  Umm, well.  Please just send me cash!

May 1st, 2007

What makes me magickal?  Bravado.  Where do I  get my Bravado?  My Faith.  Self-righteous conceit.  When I act from a place of niceness, I just don't feel as empowered.  Being sweet is easy for me, but I always have criticism in the back of my head.  I think it my duty to crush peoples delusions and open them up to change.  Not everyone needs me to play this role for them though, and yes it has probably cost me plenty being this way.  Sometimes I am willing to compromise.  I think this is a good thing if done for the right reasons.  Sometimes, like in business dealings, you really shouldn't compromise who you are?  I guess it depends on what you value, or what you need.  If I'm willing to compromise for you I hope you appreciate it.  Oh yes this is Bravado.

I don't like to disappoint people.  I'm a principled person.  It is hard for me to not be affected by others expectations.  My orbit is outside of the norm, I understand it is hard for people to relate sometimes.  In reflection, my unique morality is hard for others to accept and understand.  My question today is what can I do to improve this shift, without withdrawing further into my own self-righteous paradise.

So where do I turn.  I turn to the Angels.  Angels are not simply the domain of  Sylvia Browne, Doreen Virtue, and the Catholic Church.  New Age, Christian, Muslim, and Judaism all believe in Angels, with very similar and overlapping theology.  I believe in Angels.  I've spoken with people who claim to have physically seen Angels.  I simply accept that sometimes Fate helps you in unexplainable ways.  I also know that there is more going on around us.

Now I use the Tarot to show me signpost of life.  They give you a message, reflecting pictorially that aspect of the Universe you are curious about.  Now my Angel Cards are different.  I use them to show me a more morally focused energy to help me with the journey I am on.  It is important to realize we don't deal with problems, we deal with opportunities to improve ourselves.  The difference between a blessing and a curse is perception.  When you change your perception, you change your world.

Now I am going to draw two cards.  One will guide me towards refocusing my awareness.  The second will show me the path to better deal with those on different paths then my own.  I focus my intention; this time putting it in a blog is pretty focused.  I breath deeply knowing that I trust in the Universe, a positive show of my deep inner faith.  I repeat my prayer as I shuffle the cards.

Angel of the Goddess, My Guardian Dear

To whom her love commits me here.

Enter this day,  Be at my Side.

To light and guard, to rule and guide.

I don't get a flash of insight from the cards.  I'm a sage not a psychic.  Now the first thing that strikes me is that both cards are Seraphim, a particular order of Angels.  I find the results interesting.  Nisroc, symbolizing Freedom is the first card.  Freedom is an interesting point to refocus my awareness, especially considering how hard my mind has been focused on it's polar opposite.  The second card is Zachareal, symbolizing Surrender.  Now this stresses the importance of surrendering to Divinity, rather then sacrificing to meet others demands and suffering as a result.  This is also what I already knew.  This might make me psychic.  I was hoping for a Eureka moment.  This is the insight I have asked for even though it isn't what I wanted to hear.  I see the Wisdom in it, I was just hoping for more of a lightning bolt piercing my conscious with understanding.  That is how things are sometimes.

Now whether you believe in Angels, spirit beings, thought forms, or divine messages you can grow through using these tools.    So many of the nuances of are existence are  symbolic.  Synergy.  All things are connected.  Go out and visit a psychic.  Get your cards read,  or your palm, or your astrology chart.  It can be fun and entertaining and who knows what you might find out.  You don't need to believe, you simply need to have your eyes, and mind, open.  Maybe you have a less spontaneous personality like myself  and you would prefer to speak directly with the Universe.  Check out your local New-age shop and get your own Divination tool.  Angel cards should appeal far more to Christians then the Tarot.  The I Ching is an eastern tool that uses coins and a guide book to help you connect to the Universes message.  This is all you are doing here.  Turning off your T.V. for awhile and getting a different type of entertaining message.  You can probably learn a bit more about yourself from the Universe then you can from what the mass media saturates your existence with.

April 29th, 2007

Pouring myself an antioxidant rich protein shake.  Just finished working out.  Getting ready to watch the Sopranos.  Once upon a time I was a different man.  I hope I have learned to deal with things better today then I did then.  I try not to repeat my mistakes over and over again.  I try to learn from the past.  All you can do is try.

Spent the morning once again amidst the trees.  It really is a weird time of year.  Everything is grey in the forest.  The leaves all fallen to the earth are all grey and dead.  The trees are just beginning to blossom.  Grey.  It is still cold.  The birds are back.  I also saw a baby bunny today.  Not a hare, but a little bunny.  Life continues to turn.  The cycles of nature remind us our lies run in cycles as well.  Life is nothing without death.

 

Full moon time again.  The Witch casts the spell.  The fabric of reality shreds through force of will.  What is it that you will?  Everyday you have opportunities to go in different directions.  Life is as much about the journey as it is the destination.  This piece is a combination of old Poser elements mixed with some Photoshop composition.  I was never happy with the original Poser renders, but when manipulated by Photoshop they, in my humble opinion, work well.  I particularly like the skeleton behind the Witch, a reflection of how we are more, or less, then we seem.  We are our own composition of various aspects of ourselves.  Sometimes we forget our true nature.

 

April 25th, 2007

I hate society. I never really wish I could take the blue pill. I wish more people would take the red one. I made a very poignant point the other day, "sometimes when you’re a self righteous prick, you can do the wrong thing, for the right reason and it becomes the right thing." I like being a self-righteous prick. I believe life is equally about both the journey and the destination. Do you have a destination in mind? When you act do you think of the ripples you cast in the Universe? Do you see yourself on a journey? A lot of people seem to be upset with me these days, but they need to all ask themselves if I am the problem, or if my being is an invitation for them too look within themselves. Open up your limited views to see a bigger picture. Everyone of us is unique.

Another issue I want to address is the men vs. women thing. "Men are all like this, and women are all like that." You really ain’t got a hope in hell of seeing the illusions of society if you can’t get beyond this issue. Maybe 30 years ago this issue was more ingrained into society, but in 2007 the differences in gender identity are so much more complex. I don’t know why this one has been bugging me recently but get over it.

I spent most of the day meditating and this is my blog for the day. I need a vacation.

 

April 20th, 2007

Usually I could care less what people think about my website.  I'm confident in my message.  I hope to enlighten people, to help all of us grow to be better people.  I share my ideas and appreciate the feedback I get from people.  I'm a funny guy, but sometimes people perceive me as a little too serious, a little too intense.  Like I said usually I don't care, but today I do.  I was going to do some editing on this site.  I can't though.   No matter how important certain peoples opinions are to me, this site is me.  This is who I am.  I heart and soul believe in the human potential movement.  I am the best person today that I have ever been.  I workout, eat right, meditate, work at a job that supports my community.  I strive to grow each and everyday.   I love to learn, and I love to help people reach their potential.  I try not to be preachy, because we all need to grow at our own pace.  I try to nurture understanding in a sea of ignorance.

As always I love too hear from my readers.  I added the "Contact Me" button on the side.  I'm sorry I don't use the tools to let people add there comments to mine.  I always appreciate the feed back.

 

Here is a piece of art I worked on a while ago.  It is a photograph I took in the river valley that I then photoshoped.  When I'm in the river valley, I feel the energy of nature.  I feel the greatness of life.  This piece is my translation of my feelings and emotions into a visual representation.

If you are new to my site, I hope you enjoy it.  Life is important.  You are important.  Thanks for joining me for awhile.

 

April 19th, 2007

People have been asking me about this Virginia Tech Massacre. A man making a crusade against Society. Why ask me? To me this is about a Society that respects freedom over the good of the community. No one likes to act, no one is responsible. Here lies the problem. This maniac can try to justify his actions as an assault on the class system. A lost soul who took many with him. I feel sorry for all involved. We lose so many to mental illness in our Society. We should be living the life with all our luxuries and conveniences, yet it is easy to lose the way.

I lost my way once, long ago. It is easy to get lost in our Society. Mental illness isn’t treated as well as it should be. It is a Stigma. Suffer from a little Monday morning blues, they will give you some pretty pills to take the edge off. If your mind has created dysfunctional patterns to deal with the pain you deal with, good luck to you. Everybody knows our medical system is a joke. I will say there is no way that Cho Seung-Hui would have been given the help he needed, because of the reasons he did what he did. Here are your drugs Mr.Seung-Hui, good luck to you.

Sadly this issue has launched into gun control instead of a realistic debate about the priorities of our Society. People have been asking me, not telling me about this incident, because they know this dudes message is very similar to my own. Our society is messed up. We leave way too many people on their own to try to deal with things. I appreciate the people who listen to my problems, and I always try to help others when stuff is messing with them. Now I studied psychology at University, briefly, so I have an interest in this type of stuff. I don’t feel enough people really care about others to try to help. Our society is superficial, we lack depth. This dude was messed up and if he didn’t have a gun he would have done something else. Maybe he would not have killed as many people with just a knife and a hammer, maybe the dude would have got more creative. Timothy McVay anyone.

What then brings you clarity? What is the answer? There is always going to me maniacs that go off the tracks. Gun control is fine, but we have so many more important issues to face as a community. We have turned our backs on each other in our greedy, superficial society. The separation between the haves and the have-nots grows everyday. We worship soulless celebrities rather then leaders and healers. We are lost.

That being said, somewhere, for me, something slipped in. I’m still presently in the Here state, but for a while I was in a deeply spiritual There state. My life changed, my being changed, my mind shifted. How? Why? I don’t feel like discussing this now. What happened to me made me renounce all my bitterness and anger. Took along time though. I hold little bitterness now, My heart is filled with Faith. Not the sickening brainwashed faith you see in Evangelicals and Fanatics. A different type of Faith.

I realize this life is simple a fleck of sand in the cosmos. I realize challenges make me stronger. I trust in the Universe, my soul filled with love and understanding. I am thankful for the fantastic opportunities I am able to experience everyday. I hope for more but I accept the gifts the Universe has bestowed on me. Perception is the only difference between a blessing and a curse. The power of prayer is strong, so I will ask you to join me.

 

I ask the Universe to help all those with sadness in their hearts. I ask the Angels to care for, and guide all those who have lost their way. I call on the Devine to help me leave a positive influence on all those I come into contact with. With Peace, and Love and Wisdom. Let it Be.

 

April 16th, 2007

I set down to write this quick blog and I throw on  the New Bright Eyes Album.  The very first track stats to talk about Tarot cards, specifically the Death Card.  Scary in a good way, just like Me!

I was about to type that I usually hate the Tower Card of the Tarot.  Death symbolizes one form of change, usually a very necessary, natural change.  The tower on the other hand is a change that is much more violent.  That being said, if you aren't satisfied where your life is at maybe the Tower is just what you need.  Tear down that which isn't working.  Matched up with the Temperance Card, the Wheel of Fortune, and my present Mantra of Trust in the Universe I hope for a turn in fortune. No matter what, if I keep my eyes open, my mind clear, and my heart pure, the Universe will trick out my being for better things.  And for that I thank the Angels that watch over us all, and hope they send you a special kiss of sunshine to warm our dark world.

April 13th, 2007

If you don’t understand and accept the idea that there are forces in the Universe constantly in action beyond our comprehension, then you won’t understand me. Society is broken. I wouldn’t even mind the systemic brainwashing of our Society if it made us more Pure. Now using the word pure will conjure up a failed legacy of a hate filled little man, and that is not what we need. If we created a world filled with respect, justice, knowledge, we would thrive. Instead we chosen to settle for freedom and materiality. We need the measurable. Intangibility is beyond many peoples comprehensions. Potential is an intangibility.

Everyday I push myself to become my potential self. I am always flawed, yet each and everyday I try to grow, as an individual. Potential is the greatest aspect of humanity in my opinion. Maybe I simply understand the concept better than the norm, which would be Love. I love the Universe. I love the Devine. Maybe I have a different journey to take.

Then again maybe I am wrong. Pure unquestioning loving kindness might be the key to the universe. Perhaps only this emotion holds all the Power of the Devine. I might be on the wrong path to Transcendence.

I trust in the Universe though.

I trust through and through.

I stop and listen.

What do I hear?

I open my eyes to see.

Maybe there is an Answer in the Billboard of Life?

If I am wrong, the Universe will tell me.

The Wheel of Fortune spins.

Events happen as they should.

I make the choices I do based on rational thinking. I always found it difficult to believe that rationality could be a coping mechanism. I now see that for rational people, stoic people, the rationality can actually be a delusion because the Society is not rational.

I also am intense. Sorry, Intense with a capital I. Once again, I am who I am. The entire concept of this website is based on personal intensity.

Many people don’t understand the ideas and ideals of this site. When I find those who do I smile.

Everyone has a path to follow. I simply follow mine. Use the ideas here, to find the path you’re on, and remember, everyone is different.

I offer up a Big Thanks to everybody who has helped me out in the last month.  I appreciate your care for me.  And to those who haven't...  I wish you Love and Understanding.

 

April 9th, 2007

Well I still can’t sleep. Oh well. It hasn’t effected my job any, since my thinking ability seems to be working fine. I’m getting tons of exercise too, just little sleep. C’est la vie. I really think this is all part of a bigger picture of change that I’m going through. An unintended side effect of some Loco Crazy Magick. I think the good is heavily outweighing the negative right now. Two issues that I have been working with have been dealt with, and two more are in process. That’s pretty good for losing 5 hours sleep a day. I actually am more focused without the sleep, just not a cohesive.

Why am I here. I watched "The Secret", about 3 weeks ago. Here is the piece I was working on when I started down this rabbit hole.

The Secret. A friend of mine said I had to check it out. I must have missed the Oprah episode about it. Anyways he told me he found it to be very interesting. So I checked it out. Right away I clued in that I had heard about it right when it was released from the "What the bleep!" website.

The Secret was awesome. It blew me away with this Secret that had been hidden from us for so long. Then I woke up and realized this was a simplified version of every new age/witchcraft book I had ever read. The Secret. What a joke. I have been working through, "How to Get Everything you ever Wanted" by Adrian Calabrese, Ph.D. Her book is far better then the information presented in "The Secret".

Why then is "The Secret" so enticing? As a guy who has loaned a lot of people a lot of books on Wicca, you learn people like there Magick really simple. Wisdom, understanding, acceptance, spirituality. That is so slow. And so that is what "The Secret" presents, an introduction to witchcraft. Wishing and acting. Simple.

Here is the hard part for me though. What is it that I want? A new Car, that special woman, a million dollars. No. I realize, unlike most, things don’t bring you joy. What do I want. Inner Peace, Wisdom, Love. That’s it. That’s what I want.

So, Full moon Wicca boy tells the Universe that’s what he wants.

Fucking Universe doesn’t play Nice, or be careful what you wish for you might just get it. If you don’t believe in Magick here is another way to look at this. For anyone to achieve inner peace they are going to have to deal with stuff they have suppressed or created coping strategies to deal with. So that’s what I’m doing. Cleaning out my mental closet in my mind. It really is awesome. I don’t even bother people with half of my stuff, and I feel for my Sister and co-workers who have to put up with me for the rest.

So I’m dealing with 20 year old stuff in some cases. Stupid Universe doesn’t play nice!

If at this point you think I should see a doctor about my anxiety/insomnia you haven’t read my site. I’m sure I’d just wait around for an hour, meet with a doctor for 3 minutes at the most, he’d ask me 6 questions and then give me some pills. Why does this seem familiar, like I actually had this experience today? Our medical system is so truly whacked out. Pill pushing losers.  There is No Care in health care.

Summary statement: Magick works. I trust in the Universe. Our Society is Broken. I am a better man today then I was yesterday. Thank You.

Music review time. Type O Negative is back with a brand new album and it is very fine. Their lead singer Peter Steele just got out of jail for doing something... (this comment has been suppressed but it brings me a big smile. The joke is about what I was going to write not about what he did.  I had an interesting day.  Please don’t figure this out, though I know I would. Oh God I’m Funny.) He’s out of jail and hopefully on the straight and narrow. I wish Peter and any other addicts a prayer of hope to heal themselves. It is so much better being unable to deal with society then it is to being addicted to something. Now the new disk, Dead Again is very good. Metal the way it should be, slow and methodical with a gothic influence. Type O Negative has still never duplicated the magic of Black #1 from Bloody Kisses, one of my personal favorites. Still check it out if you like that sort of thing. I was listening to Vivaldi’s four seasons earlier this evening. Classic perfection.

 

April 6th, 2007

I’ve been suffering from insomnia lately, and I have really been thinking about stuff. I spend my life trying to better myself. Who I am today is not who I was before. I constantly battle against those aspects of my personality that I think hurt me. I seek for inner peace through a variety of methods, always trying to grow. People get on my case all the time about not drinking. I drink tea now. I appreciate who I am and what I have become.

The one thing I regret in life is that I wasn’t a better older brother. I was never the cool older brother. Never the protector. Of all the things that sadden me about life this is the greatest. I Love my Brother and Sister and wish I could have been a better role model for them. I was who I was. I have let go of a lot of bitterness in my life. Society let me down, no one else is to blame. I realize that, and I hate our society for the millions of young people who it hurts today. When I meet people who deserve more, it hurts me. When I began to drink to much, to try to satisfy the demons in my head, things got worse. I only wish I was stronger, saner. Today I am, stronger that is, but I also realize the past leaves scars. I can only ask forgiveness now.

I trust in the Universe. I wish I had a loving wife who cared for me. I do not. I'm vain.  I'm non-conventional.  I hate bars.  I work in a industry where I don’t get to socialize with many intellectuals of my age. I deal with it.  I simply serve the universe as best I can, building myself up. I have little compassion some days, but I always try to be conscientious. Respect is important to me. Sometimes the person we respect the least is ourselves.

I hope for a restful night sleep right now. I hope that my admission that I always wanted to be a better brother will rest my mind. I hope my will can overpower any rationalized infatuations that Society has damned me to. I know my prayer will be answered. I thank Isis now.

I know my life holds a special purpose. I appreciate that gift.

Goodnight... I Hope!

 

April 3rd, 2007

Now they say a good blog should be personal but not too personal. For some reason I am more here then there right now. Many don’t understand the difference so let me explain. Most people are only here, in the material realm you are presently enjoying. Now me, I’m more often there, the Super conscious.  For the past week I have been right here though, saddened by people who never let me in.   I know I hunger for something that always seems to elude me. I feel sick to my stomach in a human sense.

I set up this site because the world bothers me. Malkuth. The lowest plane in the tree of life according to the Kabbalah.  I so much want everyone to step above this world, to try to challenge themselves to overcome the habits that stick to your soul.

Now I already feel better. Everyone has their path. I simply have mine. It is different but I cherish the blessings I have. I wish I had more. I wish I had that which I hunger for. I am pure Faith though. I have what I need. What I want, no matter how badly I want it, can not be what I need. I trust in the Universe.

To contact me send an E-mail to zenrage@shaw.ca.

 

March 29th, 2007

I meet a lot of people who don’t understand what they believe. I meet a lot of people who ask the questions but refuse to listen for an answer. I meet a lot of people I feel sorry for. I realize I walk a path of few others take the time to see. If they could, they still won’t walk that path.

So what am I saying?

Thanks.

The things I know, understand, have experienced are much different from your life. Everything happens for a purpose. Trust in the Universe. Inner peace is the acceptance that the Universe Loves you, you are a one with the Devine, and wisdom is the acceptance and gratitude that you serve a greater purpose.

Do you suffer? Has the universe weighed down your soul with a curse? Perception. Look at it more closely. Is it a curse, or a challenge? We have become so brainwashed by Society that we believe there is only one path. Each religion believes they are right. They teach one path, one destination. What if there are many different paths? How many destinations could there be? Do you trust that your life has a meaning, a purpose? What if each and every person has a different purpose, a different path, a different destination? Do you suffer, or do you serve a purpose? The question is yours to answer?

March 6th, 2007

Never doubt the cards. Originally this site was going to be more about Magick, Wicca, and Tarot. But that has all been done, so it became about personal awareness and perception. Now the Tarot is an art that I have studied for many years. As odd as some readings seem to be, the message always rings true. Once I had a reading that seemed to be very odd to me. The person to whom it was read for understood it very well. Now I hadn’t a clue what it meant, I simply translated the message. I don’t believe this to be a psychic project, nor was it a self fulfilling reading. Something chose to relate the pattern in cardboard. It was not the message that was expected, it was the Truth. No perceptual bias was evident. The message was spoken loud and clear. It could be misconstrued, but when you read accepting this is what the Universe needs you to hear, you better just listen up.

Now all is but One. The Universe Is. When you act at peace with it you can gain an understanding of it. Mindfulness. We trick ourselves far easier then we like to believe. Many skeptics want you to do another reading right after the first one to see if you get a different answer. You can play that game, but if you ask a question, you had best be thankful for the answer you got. You need to understand that the Universe has a message for you. Tarot simply makes the Universe and you able to converse more easily. Life means something. You can doubt whatever you like. Get your Astrological chart done it will probably tell you that you are a skeptic. You can doubt or you can live with a purpose.

78 cards. Artistic and Symbolic. Perhaps the history of the cards lend to the power they have in communication. Paper with a purpose. They are not Magick, but they do convey a power available to all of us. Now people with psychic gifts may simply be more drawn to these paper tools then those of mundane origins, but the Tarot is for all.

Astrology, palmistry, numerology. None of these open up a channel for communication like Tarot does. The results are always the same for those other systems and while the information they give us may be valuable it is not an open forum. An element of chance exists in Tarot. It gives the universe an outlet to speak in the moment. It answers questions, offers insight, and helps us question ourselves all at the same time.

I thank the Universe for all I am. Sometimes I wish it was different. Sometimes I wish things had happened as I wanted. Right now I am in the moment and I am thankful and content with every moment that has gone before now. Thank You.

 

March 2nd, 2007

Creative expression.  Shadows in the There.  Reflections of Here.  All is but one.

See with your Heart for a moment.  People truly are Banal.  Open your eyes to that which you fear to see.

To understand what I'm saying you must have that seeking nature.  Most people don't.  They like easy answers.  Better yet let's not ask the question.  Now for me, I must then ask, who is it for.  Between Here and There, they exist.  Is this simply meant for them.

No I do meet those who share the connection with the There.  They are few, but they are out there.  Actually they are Here not There.  There is beyond the material.  Here is us.  Earth.  Malkuth.  I don't expect you to understand this, unless you do understand this.  Some do you know.  They laugh at you.  Tied to things.  Trapped by ideals perpetuated in dementia.

An example perhaps could help here.  Anna Nicole Smith.  A pathetic loser.  A living car wreck now gone.  Little soul, little spirit, little wisdom.  Many are mesmerized by the story of her life and death.  Why.  Her wealth, beauty, and fame?  What are they worth to her now.  Was her spirit strong?  Her character?  No.  All that people are titilatted by are meaningless.  Gone.  Meaningless.  We are trapped by ideals perpetuated in dementia.

Oh wait, you are trapped.  I strive to build my soul for the passing.  I know yesterday is gone, and tomorrow might never come.  Beyond time and space there is something more.  There is There.  Here is today, There is forever. 

February 23rd, 2007

You see what you look at.  Many people like the illusions of life.  Ignorance, fear, banality.  They hunger for the "blue pill".  Then there are those who take the "red pill".  They look between the lines, and realize there are no lines.  We hunger for truth like the lost hunger for their "Ikea furniture".  Now there is probably a 100 to 1 ratio of such people in our society.  The truth is out there.  Many though get stuck looking for the truth within the lies.  This is just another hazard of Malkuth.  Roswell, the events of 1969, government testing.  These are important aspects to understand the truth, but the answers to them are not the Truth.

You can see the truth.  You can fell it.  It is that which truly is.  Escape that which haunts you and you shall find that the truth is clear.  The ignorance will leave you.  You will overcome the fear.  You will understand that not only are the two pills from the Matrix metaphors for understanding and acceptance, but that all the pills you take are about acceptance and denial.

How do I start living the truth?  Mindfulness, Love, Meditation, Knowledge, Focus, Acceptance, Faith, Strength, Virtue.  Pick one.  Live it.  Pick two.  Practice all.  Write them on your hand.  Believe them.  Turn off your Sitcoms, take a walk and think about them.  Take a night off from the bar and live.  Think about your Purpose.   Live them and you shall gain a new level of Compassion and a deeper sense of Understanding.  

February 8th, 2007

What is freedom?  Too see beyond the veil.  Freedom is the open ability to enjoy the things you want to do.  I have no freedom on this site to print the ideas I know are true.  Our liberal existence has condemned those who oppose it.  I recently watched a documentary about the Evangelical movement.  They made the point that if you really are a liberal you have to respect everyone's opinion and their right to voice it.  I agree.  Sadly this is not the case.  Political correctness is actually a repression of the individual.

Who the fuck cares though.  This is Malkuth.  Here you can shape your future.  I work to serve my community.  I work with ordinary people, to help families live out normal lives.  I hunger for revolution.  The strongest revolution is the one you wage within your own being.  Take the blade and cut away all that that holds you back.  Ignorance.  Don't believe the newspaper and the billboards.  Study, question, learn.  Believe in yourself.  Believe in your purpose.  Believe in things that can not be proven.  Learn to know.

You want to go somewhere strange?  Check out excommunicate. net.  Tons of Occult based information to edify your understanding that that which we are.  You have been warned!

February 2nd, 2007

What is Right?  I am a angry person.  I am sickened by the freedom of our Society.  We value freedom, over community.  We do not take responsibility for our future.  We prop up the weak.  We encourage them to rummage through the towns and cities that average people labored to build.  They serve no purpose, and we let them thrive.  We have lost ourselves with liberal ideology.

I see a skull and crossbones when I look at our fallen.  They grow and thrive amid the filth.  We refuse to take responsibility for their plight.  We also refuse to act.  Due process.  Greed leads to this darkness.  We have turned our Justice Systems, into an inconsistent Law enforcement program.  Our Judiciary and Legislature live in modern castles.  We are ruled by the same pathetic gentry that the Bolshevik revolution sought to bring down.  They hide from the darkness they have fostered.  Law enforcement is no longer a noble calling.  Trapped by liberal beliefs and bureaucratic stasis.   Some would say they have less power then our sanitation engineers.  We have given up on Justice.

Once upon a time people watched the fall of the Roman empire.  Giant Pyramids rise up in Jungles and in Deserts, their builders long since gone.  More often then not these Societies died from within.  You can worry about great evil doers who might bring their wrath down upon you.  I would question, could freedom be the ultimate evil?  We are not accountable. 

We define evil largely in terms of death.  Evil people are usually murders.  Greed and gluttony are reflections of ambition.  Ambition is our societies fuel.  Status, ambition, wealth.  Society values these things.  I value wisdom, understanding, knowledge.  I value my understanding that we are all dust and bones, and that which we take with us beyond the veil.  Death is transcendence.  Here is but a drop of sand, there is a desert of a million delights.  Take these opportunities to grow, to learn, to suffer.  This is but a drop of sand.

January 23rd, 2007

If you lie to someone, but they know you're lying, are you really lying.  Now all the spiritual texts you can find, and most of the religions tell you honesty is the best medicine.  Sadly we live in a mixed up world.  So many business people that I meet have these inbuilt delusional defense mechanisms where they are convinced the events that happen didn't actually happen.  Spin incarnate.  They have evolved in society to not be responsible for anything cause they change the event in their mind, and have the status to back up their revision.  Yes Mr. Bush is the King of this type of mental manipulation.  I truly believe that these people are not liars, but actually are deranged.

Now to live in a world with these delusional whacko's, I find I must play games with them.  When I lie, I don't bother to even try to play it straight.  I tell them what they need to hear, and then flash them the hyena smile.  When questioned further I simply repeat the lie, that they need you to give, and smile.  They know I am lying but I have fulfilled their needs.  My question is, is this a moral action.  More to come later.

January 10th, 2007

Why do you turn the events of life into a game? Transcendence. Is this not truly what everyone should be striving for? Should this not be your focus? Yes Transcendence is a Eastern idea. Western religions are mired down in confusion. They hunger for another round of materialism. Materialism is simply the base at which we stand. The functioning of the human body. The parasite that you truly are exists here, and yet it is not here.

Parasite. I try to use words without religious implications so everyone can understand the theorem I try to unravel to you. Deepak Chopra would use the word consciousness. The Catholic church would use the term soul. The religious ideology overwhelms their terms. But I will use their term for this next question, does every human being have a soul? If the answer is Yes, then everyone has a purpose. Sadly I meet so many people without a flame of purpose. Some are thoughtless. Others are simply consumers. In no way are they classically Evil. They simply exist without understanding existence. Many of the earliest groups involved with studing the work of Jesus questioned whether everyone has a soul. The Catholic Church created the understanding of each person having freewill and a soul. I do not know what the truth is. I see people who play games. Social games have rules that people know. I smile when people are sometimes moved by peoples selfless actions. Are they selfless or is this just a part of the game.

Remember Transcendence is beyond the Game.

 

January 2nd, 2007

If you want to make a change in your life, then you simply do it. If you want to lose weight, quit smoking, stop drinking then all you have to do, is do it. If you can’t, then you problem is not your habit it is your will.

Fuck your superficial vain materialist understanding of life and realize you are weak. Take your "I’m a sinner" Christian martyrdom and accept the choices you make.

In 2007, I shall flex my will in defiance of all that stands before me. My vices are the challenges I shall overcome, to be that which I truly am. I am the Universe’s expression of Divinity. Step by step, I approach greatness.

I do not want to do.  I do.

I act in the moment, appreciating this chance to shine. To overcome adversity. To live strong and free, overwhelming my habits with clear focused action. Habits are unconscious reactions to stress and anxiety. Living with conscious awareness breaks habits. Even positive habits can be destructive. Ask anyone with a compulsive disorder.

Conscious action. Mindfulness. Appreciation.

The enemies of Catholic Ideology.

The liberators of your Destiny.

Think. Act. React with understanding. Make plans and follow them out. Appreciate failures and strive forward. Perfection is a never-ending quest.

 

January 1st, 2007

Why do people celebrate such moronic events?  Are you truly so pathetic that your understanding of Time and space are printed squares on a paper wall hanging?

I really like Thanksgiving as a holiday, because it symbolizes an appreciation of life.  Everyday should be Thanksgiving.

And what's with the shiny lights at this time of year?  Think about this for a minute, you are going out to look at shiny lights.  So often I point out a beautiful sunrise to people and they don't care, but set up some energy sucking colored lights at this time of year and watch out.  Don't get me started about how colored eggs represent the bloody horrific death of sweet little baby Jesus.  We got 4 months till our next mass delusion takes place.

 

December 28th, 2006

Mindfulness

This is an important life concept that I have found is easily misused.

Living in the moment because it might be your last moment is an easily understood idea. Sadly this idea is often interpreted as, "I might as well have fun right now, because I could die tomorrow." The underlying idea of this is that nothing is really important.

Mindfulness is actually the opposite of this. Every moment is important. Be in the moment so you fully value this moment. By valuing each moment you enrich your life. If you need to dwell on the "last moment" idea, then focus on the idea that every moment could end up being your legacy.

Arestao is about opening your eyes to different ideas. You can find thousands of books with thousands of pages dedicated to mindfulness understanding. Study, learn, grow.  Yoga, meditation, hypnosis.  This concept is very simple though.

Value this moment. Be in the moment. Value every moment. Be in every moment. The past is past. Tomorrow is never today. You never control tomorrow. You simply live out Today. You control the moment. Be in the moment.

 

December 27th, 2006

The attack on Christianity and Christmas is a legitimate concern. Without our absurd and mind numbing celebrations people might realize that there are minute nuances to our lives that help us grow as spiritual beings. Thankfully colored lights, toxic foods, bottled spirits and mindless conversation bury your conscious development and understanding of our universe. All hail the miraculous baby Jesus, our lord and savior, and pass me those chocolates beside the eggnog.

I find it amusing that we pretend that Christmas is this simple little event that is a cultural tradition of our European ancestors. There is no "culture" in North American Christmas celebrations. Yes, there are those who attend midnight mass and keep the day simple, but these are an extreme minority. I praise those who actually practice their faith. Sadly this holiday is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Materialism, gluttony, ignorance, and delusion are the true expressions of Christmas. A little money to the poor doesn’t make up for your new DVD under your gaudily decorated tree.

And to those who feel saddened by the so called attack on Christmas? The only religious holidays that are Government regulated holidays are Christian holidays. I don’t have a problem with this. All our laws are based on religious ideologies, Christian ideologies. Great. I feel the average Christian is way more delusional then the mental patient who thinks he is Jesus, but majority rules. Cool with me. We have no separation of Church and State because the people who run our Governments are 95%, at least, of Christian heritage. Christian ideology makes Christian laws and governance. I have non-Christian views on death. I therefore have non-Christian beliefs about murder, suicide, the death penalty, homeless people and euthanasia. Christians make your Laws and I live with it. Christians dictate our Holidays and I deal with it.

Please deal with the fact that someone who worships nature and science feels a religion that Celebrates the divine birth of a boy king from an immaculate conception who saves us from all the Evil that we willfully do, is Insane. Scary insane. Also so crazy that it is funny insane. And to the Fundamentalists who believe that Dinosaurs are fiction and that the Rapture is coming soon... Merry Christmas. Jesus is proud of you.  Sarcasm.

P.S. All Christian holidays except Saint Patrick’s day were actually Pagan holidays first. Christmas coincides with the Winter solstice even though Jesus is thought to be born in the Summer. Easter is named after a Celtic fertility goddess and coincides with the spring equinox. In reality Christians are just delusional Pagans. I myself am more of a Gnostic, which Jesus was said to actually be. Interesting.

 

December 14th, 2006

Yes.  Filled with yuletide spirits I have returned.  And a Merry Mithras to all.

Now I could go off on a crazed ramble about the lunacy of Christianity, the creation of the Roman Empire to control, and enslave mankind.  Instead I will go off into my own twisted version of the Truth.  We celebrate Christmas at the darkest time of the year.  We succumb to gluttony and the material vices of Malkuth.  Children are overcome with a special energy.  We are awed by colored lights and bizarre tunes.  The spirit of Christmas.  Is this in any way matching with a vision of Jesus, or is this, as true fundamentalist Christians would tell you, nothing but a Pagan celebration.

Stories of a magick man, blessed with a loving kind hearted wife, enchant the Entire month of December.  Stories of magick reindeer and creative elves warm our hearts.  A holiday supposedly in worship of Jesus, is in fact something very different.

Why?  The darkest days of the year.  The thinning of the veil.  What if everything that you thought you knew was false?  Stories of heaven and hell focus on the material aspects, but they aren't material concepts.  Another Paradox.   What if this holiday is truly more like a Nightmare before Christmas rather than Passion of the Christ?  What if this holiday is truly a reflection of the truth.  What if Spirits of Magick and elves of Joy are closer to the truth than the Son of God.  The truth is what it is.

And the evil I see in the Greed, Materialism, and Gluttony of this holiday.  The sickness that follows Christianities plague of Lies.  Maybe.  Or maybe the elves are a little darker and perverse than you might give them credit for.  One man's Evil is simply another's Delight.

For me, the best part of Christmas is my walk.  The peaceful energy of nature on a crisp still day is the truest joy.  The fresh air as I contemplate those same ideas that Jesus did.  And yes, I hope the elves will join me too, the kind elves.  The same ones who watched over that little child of Bethlehem, and all the children in the world.

Merry Mithras

 

November 2nd, 2006

"Wake up, it’s to Die!" A macho testosterone induced epiphany. A meaningless pulp culture phrase or an anthem for evolution. Open your eyes to the truth that today just might be the last day on earth, and that might not be a bad thing.

"This guy is Insane."

Straight up. My sanity is a reflection of rules imposed on us by the dark shadow of society. The definitions are a further impairment of us as spiritual beings trapped in Malkuth. They cage us, and we know that the strongest beasts can not be caged. And, as P.E.T.A. would surely tell you, those that are trapped lose their edge. There will is taken from them. They may look fine, happy if you will, but they have lost that, that once was them. Check out animals at a zoo. People are caged by societies rules like the animals are caged by pleasant surroundings. Those involved would tell you the animals are all well cared for, and I would agree. They have been changed though, broken from there former glory to amuse the masses. Can the same thing not be said for you.

To live in this cage of pretend niceties animals need to suppress their own innate being to continue to exist. Animals in a Zoo. People in Society. Medications are readily available to both, to help them cope. Fuck that. You need those medications because you haven’t learned to escape the cage.  All you need is to understand how to open the door to the cage, and set yourself free.

O.K. lets take a step down now. Untreated mental illness is exceptionally common. Or society creates pretenders of us all, and also victims. We suppress, either mentally, socially, or through the use of drugs; legal or illegal. Or we do have those who wear there mental afflictions like a badge of honor. The perpetually depressed are societies most visible. Anxiety disorders and compulsive behaviors are very common as well. And delusional people? Well I’ll skip my dialogue on them for today. What I’m saying is people got issues that lurk in their cranium that they can’t control. Society has made them what they are, because are society is so dysfunctional people can’t exist in their natural states. They are caged by Society.

The potential for change exists though. Change your perception, change your world. Deal with it. I’ve met people who I felt so bad for I can still feel the tears in my eyes. The secrets they can’t tell you, the hurt they keep inside. They motivate me. I couldn’t save them, but learn I did. And I gained a deeper appreciation for life for the troubles I got, cause over there someone has suffering you ain’t even thought imaginable. You got a chance to make everyday a rainbow and a smile. Some people can’t.

So, to quote the greatest songwriter since Bob Dylan, "Use your Illusions". Fuck the rules man, and make the most of whatever you got. Willpower helps. Faith. Every challenge is a gateway to Ascension. And what is life but the Journey of Ascension. Remember my adage, if there is no meaning to life, then your life has no meaning.

"What are you trying to say?"

Deal with the why, not the how. Open the door to your cage, and step outside into the light. Who cares how you got to this point, mindfulness indicates for you to focus on the present. You can’t undo the past. But you can always live today.

 

October 19th,2006

What is Art?  What is Life?  What is Creation?  I do what I do based on the wisdom of that which I hold within me.  I present that which I see, not with my eyes but my heart.  I feel the most important thing is your own expression.  I care about the ripples in the universe that my each and every step create.  I use knowledge to reinforce my own paradigm.  And you?  Are you the same person you were 10 years ago?  Have you grown.  I know I have changed a great deal.  I have overcome shortcomings, and become more then what I was.

October 17th, 2006

Leaves crush under my feet as I walk through the park today. What do you step on today? Hopefully complacency. Awaken within the hallowed understanding of your own mortality that you are more then this. Malkuth. The bottom of the ladder. Step down and rise up.

Politics. What choice do you have. A statement this time, not a question. Do the political parties represent you? The bourgeoisie. What do career politicians know about real people? More importantly, how do they reflect you? Conceit and contempt. Politics are another bloated failure of Society. Do they have a plan that makes it safer to walk down the street today? Do they save the 15 year old from experimenting with drugs? Do they bridge the vast divide between the haves’ and the have not's. Do they liberate and empower the weak, or do they carelessly step on them like I do the leaves on my daily walk.